Mom is addicted to opiate drug and vindictive when high. What can I do?

Well done you have taken a giant step forward.

I cannot thank all of you enough. Coming to this forum has turned out to be a huge catalyst to a hopeful final solution. It's amazing what has transpired since last I posted. I want to try and answer all of your inquiries within this post rather than reply to each of you so please know I'm talking to all who asked questions. If I miss something please ask again for I may have misunderstood your concerns.

It was as if magic happened and the strength I gained from approaching you all here and getting your advice transpired into reality. My mom and I talked. It was honest, thorough and life altering. It started off innocent enough and soon moved into discussing the future. I've wanted her to live with me for years and now it will be a reality. She's very happy here and I'm happy to have her here. With that discussion came a point where I could let her know I had serious concerns.

Let me try to keep this as simple as I can. First, I do not believe she is taking the "hydrocodone" on the sly as I had suspected. I'm very confident of this. I do believe the withdrawal symptoms should still be addressed by a doctor even if she isn't in current danger. I am now EXTREMELY concerned that something else has been happening and it started this last summer (I even suspect a fall caused it or "it" was the cause of the fall). She had no clue anything was happening and I followed the instincts presented here and didn't scare her by describing what I'm seeing; however, I did explain as part of her staying here I no longer wanted the antedotal remedies from my well meaning brother. I asked her to allow me to set her up with a relationship with my wonderful doctor here (if it takes getting a POA as what was suggested here, I'm all for that if she is, thanks for suggesting it.) I did express at the very LEAST if another episode occurs I want to address it immediately with her and deal with it right then and there. She is in agreement and while I was careful not to frighten her I think I got my point across that "something" is happening beyond her becoming weak.

She wears the full regiment of the padded underwear and pads on top of that, which is why the sudden urinations had me thinking they were purposeful. Now, I'm changing my mind because descriptions here fit what might be happening. I did not want to embarrass her so I didn't press the point, but as we move to me being more involved in her medical history I will gently address it with her. I believe her past physicians unknowingly (or uncaringly) have tossed her into a medicine induced nightmare and I want all her meds checked. Here's why: my mother ended up on hydrocodone because my brother gave it to her to ease her itchy leg syndrome that disrupted her sleep. He had it because of a car accident he was in and I remember her specifically telling me that when she first started taking it. I told her to check with her doctor, which she did, and I assumed it was okay until I could tell she was fearful she was getting addicted. When she got here and I realized it was more serious and I expressed my concern to her and my outrage her doctor would let her have it in the first place her story changed. Then she said she was given it for a slight back injury she got when she was doing physical therapy after a serious fall she had two years ago. I don't know which story is true but my money is on my idiot but well meaning brother.

Lastly, I do realize I may be getting bamboozled about her getting off the medication and I'm keeping my mind open to the great advice offered here. I am absolutely blown away at how instrumental the advice given here has helped us. I'll be a frequent visitor as I am clueless about elderly care and I can use all the help I can get. I love my siblings, I love their support and advice but I like the idea of being able to freely express my fears without breaking my mom's confidence. She's a private lady and they aren't doctors, experts nor any more experienced than I. I find common sense here with a good healthy dose of "get her to a professional" and have garnished almost instantaneous results because of you fantastic caring people. Thank you SO much for the time you have given me!!

You are an extremely loving are caring daughter for your Mom. I am so glad you have been able to connect with her on this level and she is prepared to move forward medically.
I do not believe anyone here was trying to bamboozle you about the steps that needed to be taken if she was truly an opiate addict which now sounds unlikely.
When you first posted we read the panic in your words and responded accordingly. As time went on you added further information that made it clear that there was probably a different medical explanation.
I am so glad your mother has such a trusting and loving relationship with you and I see an excellent relationship going forward.
In support of doctors everywhere (and I frequently don't agree with their views) the start of this prescribing of hydrocodone sounds as though it was perfectly reasonable. She was having pain related to her PT and it was keeping her awake at night. The Dr determined that prescribing analgesia for a 91 year old was probably safer than sedation so that was what he did. Now of course he should not have continued to mindlessly sign refills for her every month but Drs are busy people and when presented with a stack of paper to sign just do their illegible scribble. I am also guessing she never actually went back for a check up or maybe your brother just called the office and asked for a refill. What I am saying is that these things unfortunately do happen. Of course your brother was wrong to give her the medication in the first place not to mention acting illegally but I am sure he did it with the best of intentions. People do that all the time.
I hope you do not see this post as critical of you and your reactions, it is meant to be supportive both of you and other members. Those on this site have a broad range of experience and in some cases training or have taken the time to educate themselves over many years as they go along. We do not all always agree and that is very healthy and sometimes someone reacts unkindly or indifferently. Others experience your level of anxiety every single day of their caregiving lives and the gut reaction on a bad day is 'suck it up, pull up your big gIrl panties"
I have been wondering where you can buy a pair of those! Do they come in different colors or do you have to sew your own?
Rarely we have a visitor who posts a fictitious question and everyone rushes to help only to discover a few days later that some of the information just does not fit.
You are a very wise daughter and clearly inherited it from a very wise Mama.
Please keep visiting. You may not think you have any caregiving experience but frequently experience in other areas can be very helpful and insightful. For example you could know about elder tax issues or many other subjects, also your mother could contribute ideas about elder living arrangements and what works for her. Hugs for you and your Mom

get those pills counted as soon as possible so you can gauge how much time you have before an emergency intervention is needed. As soon as she runs out of those pills withdrawal will be immediate and possibly life threatening for someone of her age and a 911 call may be necessary, it is that serious. She needs alternative medication often Methadone to get through the withdrawal period and this is best accomplished in an inpatient setting. Talk to your Dr about this and take his/her advice on how to handle this. it will be tough and she will be mad at first but in the end will love you for taking action. Any 91 year old has some fragile health issues.

Fantastic... be pro mom and getting healthy..... I don't know that I would tape her without her knowledge.... you can let her know you will do it in the future so she can see for herself what you see....humiliating her will not get her clean... she may be for awhile... but shame never got an addict clean.... I am speaking from personal experience as I am an addict with 29 years clean this month....prayers for you and her....

Thank you for the description of the symptoms. can you tell us the name of the medication. Is something like Vicoden, Tylenol# 3 or similar. These are not very strong narcotics although very addictive to the right person.
As you have described the episodes my first thought is that she may be having small strokes rather than or as well as taking pills. The next time this happens can you tell her you think she is having a stroke and must go to the ER at once. would she go under those circumstances? as you have left the room when she is mad and urinates is it possible that she is actually incontinent at that time? Is her underwear wet? does she hide it and later rinse it out herself? this is quite a puzzle and I am just having random thoughts but the weakness following an episode and at other times certainly points to something medical.

Your mom acknowledges that there is a drug problem. Your husband doesn't think that she has been taking many in the last couple of weeks. How long has she been taking them? Could she have another supply that you don't know about? More than one bottle from different doctors, different pharmacies would not be uncommon. Does the bottle she has show up on an insurance statement, or does another one? Could she be paying cash for some, insurance claim for others?

maybe it is mini strokes. I would get her examined at the hospital next time something like this happens. If she refuses to go and not medically necessary she does not have to agree.

Who has her medical POA? That person should be able to get information. If nobody has it do that NOW!

Also consider a geriatric psychiatrist that could help identify what is going on with her.

There is still a possibility she is physically addicted... the leg cramps are indicative of this... but you will be armed with much more info when seeing the Dr, and they will have a better picture of where to start and what to look for.... please let us know how things are going... sending you hugs.

I would certainly tell the doctor your mother's concerning behaviors and the medication you know she's been taking. If you're thinking your mom might hear you, send him or fax him a letter explaining what's happening and ask that it be put in her file. He needs to have all of the information to make the best decisions about treatment/tests. And your mom may not share that with him.

When I take my mom for a doctor's visit, I have to fill the doctor in because my mom either won't remember or will downplay her problems, which is very common in seniors. When the doctor asks what is going on, my mom will say she's fine when she's not! So that's very common.

to this day science / medicine is not prepared to state whether an addiction came first or a mental discrepancy that is being self medicated. your mother may be as bipolar as a housecat and medicating with op;iates to blunt the highs and lows. give her the bennefit of the doubt.