She needs to get out with other seniors to socaiize. Help! Stays in the house a lot, afraid to go out unless family is with her. She desparately needs the contact with other people and make friends. All of herfriends and family are gone except for me, she is understandalby holding onto me for deal life, and I cant get anything done or go anywhere without her panicking when will I be back.
If she is panicking when you leave, consider that she is having problems and try to comfort her. I'd discuss her anxiety and possible depression with her doctor to see if medications might help.
And I would read a lot about the conditions that may be causing her to panic or isolate. Sometimes, going out alone, socializing, etc. is not a good option, especially if this is dementia. She may be confused about where she is, who people are, and how to get home. And perhaps that's why she panics when you leave the house. Maybe she can't recall how to use the bathroom or the remote. Maybe she becomes disoriented. All of this can cause panic and anxiety. The senior may be embarrassed to admit this to family members.
My cousin used to call me and another cousin a lot and sound panicky wanting us to come and visit her. We couldn't figure out why, but she was getting dementia and she was scared due to how things seemed strange to her. She told me that things seemed like she was dreaming and she wasn't sure if she was dreaming.
I'd be sensitive to her feelings and just try to comfort her without pushing her out of the house. She may need that support and reassurance. Offer to accompany her to a place that she feels comfortable with for a short time. Keep it short and limited until you can see how much she can handle. I would back off if she is not happy or comfortable with it.
I would keep my eye on her dementia. Except for the early stages, it's not wise to leave a dementia patient alone. You might check to see if there is a senior center that she could go during the day, though, there are many considerations for that, depending on her abilities and comfort level.
It is hard to accept but she is letting go of the world and I have to let go of her.
Persons with dementia cannot live alone beyond the very earliest stages. Sometimes dementia progresses very gradually, and sometimes it is very rapid, and most times it is a combination of fast declines interspersed with plateaus.
This is a time for you to learn about her condition and, in general terms, what to expect. It is time for thinking ahead to when Mom can't live alone.
An adult day health program may suit your needs right now. It is a safe, nonjudgmental place, with professionals used to dealing with the fears and insecurities of elders with some handicaps such as cognitive loss.
You need time to yourself! Be firm, but be sympathetic. This new situation is definitely not of your mother's choosing!
The most enlightening point made during my caregiver courses is that each person living with dementia will have a different reaction to their brains shutting down; brains are highly individualistic and so, therefore, is the course of the condition. You know your mother best, but in the case of my Mom, reverse psychology seemed to work. I stopped pushing, let her stay in the house, and made a point of enthusing about how good I felt every time I was with my friends, and how positive it made me feel to be around people. Even if she couldn't remember what I was telling her, she could read my energy. After three months of self-isolation (I was there every day to keep her company and help her with her routine, of course), she decided she was "ready to go out again." Again, this might not work with your mother, but I thought I'd share my experience.
Hi, I can sure feel the stress you are under. As we work out the solution for this situation, please take care of yourself. Since you are the only one left to care for Mom, it is imperative that you take care of yourself.
Mom's uneasiness may be related to something other than what is on the surface. She may have a diagnosis that can be treated by a medical provider. Seeking help from her doctor and clergy will not hurt, to find the answers.
My social work background tells me she may be depressed. And therefore seeking solitude and not being out side of her comfort zone. This could also have something to do with a situation in her background. Some older adults especially when sustaining frequent loss will seek a place of comfort.
It is hard for us to feel all the loss being sustained by our parents. We are talking not just about friend or family member also the loss of abilities such as hosting an event even when it is at the senior center. When a person cannot get past the grieving of such losses they will frequently stay away from others so as to protect themselves. This can usually be helped by some counseling and medication.
I am sure the thought of money for such medical care has now entered your thought processes. I of course do not know the circumstances of her husband's health. However if Hospice is or was involved they offer free help for family members. Also, many a time county agency Senior Information and Assistance funded by the Older Americans Act offers this type of help. This agency's involvement can work to your relief in many ways. Since you are living at a distance from your Mother, calling the agency will help you and her. They can do in home checks for you and with a vast knowledge of what is happening in the community it is possible to get her connected with another person in the community to involve her in activities.
Whatever your decision please know that you are not alone in this area. The local hospital for you can provide a support for you in your geographic area. Take care of your health, as you will need to be able to help her.
She gives the word CLINGY a new meaning.
She's scared
She's shy, she's always been
Not a social butterfly
Has had depression since childhood
Off and on, and again
Takes her meds
She's happy enough if I am around, and has gotten better
about me leaving for a while since my husband retired.
As long as a person is around, she won't panic.
Primary language Spanish, and if people speak to her in clear slow English, she does understand.
Senior Center activities all English. No, I am not going anywhere to be her interpreter.
Forgot to cross stitch
Forgot how to do a hem (having been a seamstress).
Forgot how to crochet
Forgot how to knit
I was trying all of the above and inviting her to "help me with"......and simply she says, "I don't feel like it" = I don't remember how.
Heartbreaking.......yes.
She, in her youth was a fashion designer, sewed all our clothes, knitted our sweaters, made curtains, sheets, pillows, seat covers for the car, reupholstered the living room..................painted the house inside and outside. Cooked fresh meals daily and worked teaching English at 2 schools plus translated medical documents for the students attending university, studying medicine and odontology.
Divorced since I was 4.
Mom was, and is very smart, and funny, but she's aware of her decline in health and that scares her a lot!
The move from México was NO walk in the park either. It was that OR be alone.
So
She's
Here.
And
Here
I
am.
M88