Hi,
Thank you one and all for all the input/help in the past year. Mom went into hospice this past Friday and passed today peacefully with me holding her hands. I am so numb right now and exhausted from the past couple of years dealing with the day to day challenges of dementia. I haven't had a chance to process all of today yet. The journey for my mom is now over, but for me it is not over yet. Now will come the clean-up: living trust, death certificates, banks, house, inheritance taxes, her taxes...
I sure I hope I will get some kind of sign from my mom to let me know she made it to the other side and will be waiting for me.
So sorry you have lost your mom. It’s beautiful you could be with her and she was able to be in hospice and had the comfort of you with her.
Give yourself a few days to rest.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Wishing you peace as you grieve.
Best wishes to you! 😊
At my grandmother's wake, a man from her church said for me to expect a visit from my grandmother and not to be too startled when it happened, but that he felt it was a common experience (he and others had had it) and he thought I would have this experience, too.
I'm pretty anti-mysticism in nature and just allowed the man to say his piece to me. I could tell it was important to him to say this to me, but I didn't believe his words. But, more than once, I've felt my grandmother's presence since she passed. Mostly it was soon after. I saw her once. In a way that I can't explain, I saw her... like it was some kind of vision or something.
So I'll say to you what the man said to me: Expect the visit. She'll come when it's the right time. And you'll just know, somehow, that she's at peace and that she's never truly that far away, even while you remain on this plane of existence, and she's gone ahead.
Some things just can't be explained through empirical evidence.
Wishing you peace and comfort.
Take one day at a time as they say.
The feelings can break through the numbness in wwaves. Go with the waves until they settle. It can take time.
It will take time to grieve and process it all . Be kind to yourself , the chores will get done . Take breaks , allow yourself to rest .
Take time for yourself.
Do not let anyone tell you that there is a time line to grief. There isn't. We each have our own.
With all that you have learned please continue to share what you have learned and what you will learn with this new daunting task ahead.
(((hugs)))
Now is the time for you to heal and recover from all that you've been through the past several years. It will take some time, so don't rush the process. Allow yourself time to grieve.
You're going to be ok, and even though your mom won't be with you physically, she will be with you in spirit.
May God give you His peace, comfort and strength in the days, weeks and months ahead.
Give yourself some time, and know there is no hurry in your doing the Trust. I advise a Trust and Estate Attorney to help. Even in just getting the tax EIN number online they are a whiz whereas if you do the application yourself and miss something it delays it like mad. They don't cost much if you do a lot of the work yourself. For me the work of settling this stuff kept me busy enough not to think too much.
I am so sorry for your loss. For me, when I lost my brother, who I had written long long letters with when he was alive but living in another town, I wrote him. Decorated it with photos and memories and just discussed my days with him. I did this a bit short of a year. It helped me mourn, but still celebrate his life.
Your Mom was lucky to have you by her side at the end of her journey here.
It will be a hard row ahead, but in my case I firmly believe my dad gave me ways to let me know he made it. I will not say what those ways are as yours may be different. But I believe your mom will let you know that not only is she OK, but how appreciative she is for you for all you have done to be there for her.
I hope you can grieve your mom as you go forward. Take some quiet moments by yourself and let the good memories flow over you.
I am a 'woman of faith' and I KNOW there is a life after this one. And it's beautiful, and best of all, there's no pain, sorrow or sadness.
((Hugs))
My husband passed away a few months ago after suffering with dementia for seven years. You are right, there will be very much to do---funeral, sending death certificates to various companies, insurance policies, etc, etc..
I hope you get some sign from your mom. My husband smoked a pipe many years ago. After his passing, I smelled pipe smoke on and off for many weeks. My youngest son also smelled the pipe smokes several times when walking his dog.
If you are a regious person, know that your mother is at peace, free from pain and in a wonderful place. ((((Hugs too you))))
Id suggest take a few days not thinking about all of the paperwork you need to do. Probably getting away from the house will help. Prayers to you 🙏🏼