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Can anyone tell me about colon cancer with a possible obstruction? My mom is 88 years old and is in the hospital with this diagnosis. What's next? I'm scared of what lies ahead.
B, darling girl, that's exactly the sort of thing you can ask hospice about.
I'm not sure what you're imagining or visualising, and I'm not a medical or nursing professional, but I don't think the colon can "burst" in the way you're perhaps afraid of. But rather than me guessing or looking on the internet, why not talk this through with your hospice team and ask them to explain to you how this is likely to progress, and how they would handle each problem if it were to arise.
Is your mother already being given effective pain relief? - if so, that would explain her thoughts' wandering as you describe. This doesn't mean you should second-guess your decision: you're not denying your mother a chance to fight this evil disease, because there isn't a real chance. But it does mean that she can't be in unbearable pain or feeling terrible fear, and that is what you're aiming for.
It's wonderful that you can be with her to reassure and comfort her whenever she needs it. And you sound like a pretty strong person to me :) Hugs to you, get as much sleep as you can.
BlackCloud, You are doing the right thing by bringing her home for hospice. How about asking if they can send someone to fix her hair - seriously! That is part of taking care of the whole person, and it's going to make your mom feel so much happier if she feels good about her self when she has all these new visitors. Really - call hospice and ask if they can send someone, even if you have to pay out of pocket. If you can get an appointment, tell her, so it's something she can look forward to. When she's struggling, you can remind her that she's getting her hair done next week, and that itself will help refocus her attention from any distress to her hair.
4 years ago this was us - we thought mother's confustion was a little dementia along with a lot of temporary memory loss due to hypoxia from her bleeding colon cancer. We operated on her and that cured the cancer, but her dementia was much worse and we have never had mthr back fully again. If I had it to do over, I would have listened to Hospice and let them guide us. It is better to die from cancer than from dementia! If Hospice says to operate to remove the obstruction, then you can. But if they say not to because it is too much more pain, listen! Hospice will make her comfortable and ease the transition to heaven. I wish we had them on board but we did not know. Now mthr does not know who I am, and it is 4 years later and she has no cancer to save her from becoming bedbound and afraid of everything.
Thank you everyone. We decided to go home tomorrow with hospice. I didn't tell mamma that I just told her that nurses would come and help us. My main thing is to see her comfortable. The way that doctor talked was like her stomach would burst. The nurse practitioner told me if that happened it would be inside. I just want her to be out of pain. Veronica you really think that's the best decision? My husband reminded me that every operation that mom had some complication always happened. Even the surgeon today said that she could not tell me that something could happen. Veronica is it going to be bad to see like that doctor told me? I don't know how many mothers but when I give birth I felt like I was the only one that accomplished that. Now I feel like I'm the only one loosing a parent. I know I'm crazy.
You *are* the only person in world history who will ever lose your mother. It's just true. Obviously most people will lose their mothers, too; but they're not you and their mothers aren't yours. Nothing crazy about feeling so alone with this, and with the terrifying decision you've just had to make.
I have to say I'm pretty unimpressed with the support you've had in reaching that decision, with one professional saying one thing, and another saying another, and you caught in the crossfire. I'd have liked to get the pair of them together in one room and make them focus on the best interests of the *patient* and what you, as her advocate, needed their help with understanding. Shame on them.
For the little an amateur opinion is worth, I'm sure you've made the right decision - the one that puts your mother's comfort and quality of life first, and will let her find peace and dignity at home. Hospice teams know their stuff, rely on them but don't hesitate to speak up if you're worried or don't understand something.
Hugs to you, we'll be here to listen if you want to talk.
I am so happy that you can be there for her now as she really needs you. You can provide her with pure acts of love for whatever time she has left. If she receives morphine or any narcotic these meds slow the motility of the GI tract as well as pain relief. Does she like music? Maybe you can surround her with her favorite music to help her as well. Try not to dwell too much on the negative. Yes I know you are worried about her pain level and comfort but try to provide relief for her (& your) psyche as well. That may be difficult as this diagnosis came suddenly. Bring her favorite flowers, let a little sunshine in, if she has a pet, let her see it. Hold her hand and touch her as the human touch from a loved one is very comforting. Brush her hair, massage her hands, rub lotion on her arms and legs. Give her a back rub if she can roll to the side without much pain. So hard this is. You can still find ways to celebrate life with her in these final days. I know it's a terrible vigil to have to make. Try to enjoy each other while you can. Hospice will keep her comfortable when she has pain. And no, the intestines won't burst externally. Her belly may get distended. Is she allowed ice chips or anything by mouth? Has she moved her bowels at all? Sending good thoughts to you.
Hi Star69, we just found out but not much at that because she's been constipated for the last two weeks and they've been trying to clean her up all from the bottom because they can't really prep her the usual way with drinking all that liquid before her colonoscopy because she has a lot of nausea. We still don't know anything, just that they found a mass in the colon and it could be obstructed. I can't see her suffer like this. She's tired of leaving with all her aches and pains. I stay with her at the hospital all day and night. Most of the time I need to tell the staff what to do, they're just there for their paycheck.
Blackcloudone. This is a between a rock and a hard place situation. It is now known that there is definitely an obstruction. This will certainly kill her rapidly. The Hospice treatment would be the much criticized liquid morphine for the pain, Compazine given as a suppository for nausea or some other anti nausea medication. An anti anxiety medication can also be added. With this combination she will become sleepy, lapse into unconsciousness and probably pass within 48 hours but she will be comfortable. If you go ahead with the surgery they probably can remove the obstruction and she may or may not need a colostomy which is manageable. However the cancer will probably cause another obstruction within weeks to months and the scenario of her dying will be the same. Even if Mom survives the actual surgery the chance of complicatios and death are very high. As a retired hospice RN I have seen this playout many times at the end. Most patients had already had extensive treatment for the cancer and had run out of options. We were able to keep them very comfortable with the medications I have mentioned. There was not usually dementia involved so they were able to understand the situation before treatment started and did not want further surgery. Many people will tell you that this is the way Hospice kills patients. This is never the intention. The aim is to remove pain and suffering and make the end as peaceful as possible. I would be guided by the hospice Nurse practitioner she has probably seen this situation many times before and understands the out come. It will be hard to watch Mom slipping away but much better than watching her struggle in agony. Blessings we will be thinking of you. Try to reaassure Mom that even if her intestines do start to leak she can be kept comfortable.
I know what are you going through, we have to make very hard decisions and we have to trust the doctors in what they are advising because they are the experts. It is very hard because we think we are superheroes that we can safe our love ones from every situation but there are times that we have to give in and reassure ourselves that none of what it's happening is our fault, we have to became realistic all of the sudden and it is very hard to comprehend why we cannot help them anymore. I had to deal with it myself while my mother was ill I tried everything to go against the terminal colon cancer that was killing her, I didn't want to see the ugly reality that was in front of my very eyes, seeing my mum dying. I kept strong for her, making her and myself believe that she would be all right, and when it happened I was shocked, I should have seen it coming but I didn't want to see it because I was scared. Be there for her, make her feel comfortable and hopefully she can be with you for a while to be able to enjoy the time with her. I have just sent you my e-mail through a private message.
Blackcloud I am sure you have made the right decision. As CM said hospice people know their stuff but remember you and Mom are in charge and make the final decisions as you have done now. Don't be afraid to speak up if you feel you want something different to happen. I hope the NP who talked to you in the hospital is part of your home team, she was very much with the program. It will be hard, it always is but don't second guess yourself. You have made the best and most loving decision for Mom and that is all that matters. Blessings for Mom and the family
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm not sure what you're imagining or visualising, and I'm not a medical or nursing professional, but I don't think the colon can "burst" in the way you're perhaps afraid of. But rather than me guessing or looking on the internet, why not talk this through with your hospice team and ask them to explain to you how this is likely to progress, and how they would handle each problem if it were to arise.
Is your mother already being given effective pain relief? - if so, that would explain her thoughts' wandering as you describe. This doesn't mean you should second-guess your decision: you're not denying your mother a chance to fight this evil disease, because there isn't a real chance. But it does mean that she can't be in unbearable pain or feeling terrible fear, and that is what you're aiming for.
It's wonderful that you can be with her to reassure and comfort her whenever she needs it. And you sound like a pretty strong person to me :) Hugs to you, get as much sleep as you can.
Veronica you really think that's the best decision? My husband reminded me that every operation that mom had some complication always happened. Even the surgeon today said that she could not tell me that something could happen. Veronica is it going to be bad to see like that doctor told me?
I don't know how many mothers but when I give birth I felt like I was the only one that accomplished that. Now I feel like I'm the only one loosing a parent. I know I'm crazy.
I have to say I'm pretty unimpressed with the support you've had in reaching that decision, with one professional saying one thing, and another saying another, and you caught in the crossfire. I'd have liked to get the pair of them together in one room and make them focus on the best interests of the *patient* and what you, as her advocate, needed their help with understanding. Shame on them.
For the little an amateur opinion is worth, I'm sure you've made the right decision - the one that puts your mother's comfort and quality of life first, and will let her find peace and dignity at home. Hospice teams know their stuff, rely on them but don't hesitate to speak up if you're worried or don't understand something.
Hugs to you, we'll be here to listen if you want to talk.
Does she like music? Maybe you can surround her with her favorite music to help her as well.
Try not to dwell too much on the negative. Yes I know you are worried about her pain level and comfort but try to provide relief for her (& your) psyche as well.
That may be difficult as this diagnosis came suddenly.
Bring her favorite flowers, let a little sunshine in, if she has a pet, let her see it. Hold her hand and touch her as the human touch from a loved one is very comforting. Brush her hair, massage her hands, rub lotion on her arms and legs. Give her a back rub if she can roll to the side without much pain. So hard this is. You can still find ways to celebrate life with her in these final days.
I know it's a terrible vigil to have to make. Try to enjoy each other while you can. Hospice will keep her comfortable when she has pain.
And no, the intestines won't burst externally. Her belly may get distended. Is she allowed ice chips or anything by mouth?
Has she moved her bowels at all?
Sending good thoughts to you.
If you go ahead with the surgery they probably can remove the obstruction and she may or may not need a colostomy which is manageable. However the cancer will probably cause another obstruction within weeks to months and the scenario of her dying will be the same.
Even if Mom survives the actual surgery the chance of complicatios and death are very high.
As a retired hospice RN I have seen this playout many times at the end. Most patients had already had extensive treatment for the cancer and had run out of options. We were able to keep them very comfortable with the medications I have mentioned. There was not usually dementia involved so they were able to understand the situation before treatment started and did not want further surgery.
Many people will tell you that this is the way Hospice kills patients. This is never the intention. The aim is to remove pain and suffering and make the end as peaceful as possible. I would be guided by the hospice Nurse practitioner she has probably seen this situation many times before and understands the out come. It will be hard to watch Mom slipping away but much better than watching her struggle in agony. Blessings we will be thinking of you. Try to reaassure Mom that even if her intestines do start to leak she can be kept comfortable.
I had to deal with it myself while my mother was ill I tried everything to go against the terminal colon cancer that was killing her, I didn't want to see the ugly reality that was in front of my very eyes, seeing my mum dying.
I kept strong for her, making her and myself believe that she would be all right, and when it happened I was shocked, I should have seen it coming but I didn't want to see it because I was scared.
Be there for her, make her feel comfortable and hopefully she can be with you for a while to be able to enjoy the time with her.
I have just sent you my e-mail through a private message.
I hope the NP who talked to you in the hospital is part of your home team, she was very much with the program. It will be hard, it always is but don't second guess yourself. You have made the best and most loving decision for Mom and that is all that matters. Blessings for Mom and the family
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