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Other times, later in the morning or evening, she'll stand and use her walker for short distances. The bending over at the waist happens when she is getting out of bed, chair, or at the toilet. Started happening two weeks ago. Is this her dementia declining where her brain is no longer telling her legs to move? Any suggestions? My husband and I are now lifting her and that won't last long for our backs. Is a Hoyer or transfer chair next? If so, how do we get her pants off for the toilet?

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She's likely lost her core strength as my mother did when her dementia advanced. She had to go into a wheelchair fulltime and transfer into Memory Care Assisted Living with 24/7 caregivers on hand. I suggest you look into placement yourself as this will only worsen and you cannot be lifting the woman! The toilet will be replaced with incontinence briefs and you'll change her in bed, most likely. Advanced dementia is gruesome. When their brain stops telling them how to swallow, then you've got REAL problems.

Look into a hospice evaluation for mom now, that's my suggestion. They'll provide in home help for bathing, supplies, a hospital bed, meds and many other services all free and paid for by Medicare.

Best of luck.
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AlvaDeer Dec 31, 2023
Yes, so agree. Lost her core strength and the synapses in the brain to change anything. Eventually people become unable to speak, swallow, move, even to stay awake for any period. It is well time now for hospice.
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It's not that mom "no longer wants to stand" she may not be able to.
She may be losing the trunk support that she needs to be able to stand upright.
If you plan on keeping mom at home contact the Hospice of your choice and have her evaluated. If she qualifies for Hospice you will get the equipment that you need to safely care for her.
If she does not qualify the equipment can be rented OR it may be time to discuss placing her in a facility that can safely manage her care.
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You say that you are caring for M who is ‘92, has AZ, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, stroke, UTI and vision problems’. You are your Husband (DH) know that you are risking your backs moving her. For most people, this would be past the point where M needs to go to a NH with more people, more equipment, and more time to care 24/7. Also leaving you an DH with more time for your own lives WHILE you are in good health. An injury to you or to DH without a plan will bring this to crisis point almost immediately.

Perhaps you need to think about when you will reach this point yourselves, and plan for it. That may be a lot more sensible than trying to work out how to get her pants down when she is bending over. It does seem the least of the problems!
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This doesn't sound good (or safe) at all. Is she "refusing to stand up" or is bending over at her waist because she CAN'T stand up?
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Time to hire help using Moms money or put Mom in a facility again using Moms money or getting Medicaid for her . Since she’s needing two people to assist her she would be needing SNF ( skilled nursing facility ).
Don’t injure your backs .
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Your story sounds like my MIL. It might help to request a visiting OT PT eval. Not for her but to instruct both on safe and proper form. This would include your question about a lift
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I agree, its time for placement. You should not be lifting her.

Toileting her? It wasn't until my Mom went to an AL that I found out that Depends rip down the sides for easy getting off. Plus you can put Depends on without taking off pants. You put the pants down around the ankles. Take one leg of the depends and put it over the foot and bring up the other side of tge Depends and pull it thru the pant leg going across the crotch and down thru the other pant leg and hook to the other ankle. Then you pull up the Depend and the pants at the same time.

You may want to use a commode over the toilet.
Get a portable commode like this one pictured. Medicare will pay for one.

https://www.homedepot.com/p/Drive-Medical-Folding-Steel-Bedside-Commode-11148-1/203269798

The bar on the back should be removable, take it off. A new commode should come with a bucket and splash guard. Place the commode over the toilet. (You can remove the toilet seat because the commode has one) Place the splash guard where the bucket goes and make sure the bottom goes down inside the toilet bowl a couple of inches. The legs can be adjusted. Now Mom has arms she can lift herself up with and hold herself up with. And will help keep her from falling over. My DD hurt her back bad when she tried to catch my Dad when he was falling off the toilet.
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postscript:
When discussing this with MD during next evaluation I would ask for a PT consult as they are simply the best diagnosticians for things like this, in my experience.
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