A month ago, Mom went into a NH. Hospice was started this week. She is 90. We can only do window visits due to the pandemic. She is sad, confused, in pain and frustrated. Cries a lot when I call. Eating very little. Needs help with everything. Hospice dr put her on methadone and discontinued most of her other meds. Part of her problem is a compression fracture in her back. We cannot go see her until she is actively dying. How will we know when that time has come? I am so worried we won’t be able to be with her when she is still coherent.
It is also possible that if she is in extreme pain you could ask for her to be transferred to the the Hospice In Patient Unit for pain and symptom management. Typically at the Hospice building they will allow visitors on a limited basis. (at the Hospice where I Volunteer it is no more than 2 visitors in a room at a time right now) If the Hospice has room at the In Patient Unit (IPU) they might be able to place her there it would make visiting a bit easier. But understand if they can not do this.
If she is in a lot of pain and they increase her pain medication it is possible that you would not see her while she is coherent. Given the option I would rather my loved one not be in pain.
Keep telling the facility and all involved in Hospice how important this is to you. I hope you will be able to visit. I am so sorry for this; it is what is happening in our times and we are helpless against it.
You should be able to get updates from hospice and nursing home staff. Death can be hard to predict sometimes. Best wishes to you.