My mom, who has terminal lung cancer with Metastasis to the brain, and has been on hospice since February, cannot accept that she is dying. She can no longer walk and barely move her limbs, she has a lot of trouble breathing and is on oxygen. She is visibly declining rapidly. Yet she insists she can walk if we get her help, and that she is fine. She is fighting it every step of the way and dragging out her suffering. This is heartbreaking to me. Is this how everyone is when they approach death?
Maybe you could think about it differently and take great solace in the fact that Mom is choosing to go on her own terms, no regrets. What a gift not being so consumed by your fate and choosing to take charge of it. My thoughts go out to you at this difficult time.
Some people deal with it, by "not dealing with it"- called avoidance or denial. And that is not always a bad thing. If she hasn't settled her financial issues and pre arranged the death / funeral proceedings, that might be a problem. However still, pre-planning a funeral is common with adults.
Its all in how to present and talk to her. If a person has a health decline that includes a cognitive problem such as memory, in the early phases , or any phase of death, it is best to simply go with the flow, if you will. Trying to alter her way of thinking by telling her that her thoughts are irrational, will simply cause more grief and resistance.
Enjoy your remaining time with your mom by meeting her "where she's at" mentally, emotionally, cognitively, physically and spiritually.