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I need help. She is 97 and in pretty good health otherwise

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Well, you could get an Rx for a sedative, then take her to an ENT for cleaning. Ask her MD about that.
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My sister is retarded and gets wax build up, so at bedtime, I put in a few drops of warm olive oil and a piece of cotton. She pulls that out in about 5 minutes, but it still softens the wax overnight. Then I let her clean her ears herself the next morning with a Q-tip. She will not let someone else near her ears.
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My Mom, who was the same age, had the same issue with wax in her ears. She didn't like hot water poured in her ears so she asked the nurse for luke warm water, oh dear, we would be there for days trying to get the wax out doing that.

My Mom had hearing aids thus she would blame the hearing aids for not being able to hear. She kept buying new ones.

At one time, she did allow a Ear, Nose, Throat doctor to check her ears and he used some type of tongs to get the wax out. But she said that hurt and never wanted to do that again.

If your Mom can hear some things, try this.... have everyone in the house whisper and set the sound on the TV low. Sometimes the person will start to feel left out and eventually want to have their ears checked and/or get hearing aids.
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My mom had such a bad case of wax build-up even the dr counted get the wax out. Seems the situation was made worse due to her hearing aids packing the wax in. The dr had my mom do like pamstegma does - except using baby oil. My mom had to do the routine every night for two weeks - which worked to soften up the wax so the dr could remove it.
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They use Debrox for my mom, at the NH. And yes, meds for agitation for her ent appointments would be a great idea.
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I was hoping there was a medicaid procedure to put her asleep for about 2 minutes and get it over with. Probably no such thing.
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Debrox, over the counter.
It would be dangerous for Mom to remove that much wax on her own.
What is wrong with that doctor, anyway?
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