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This is one of many areas where terminology is huge. Kudos to all of you who have found terms other than diapers and tried to make incontinence just an inconvenient fact of life rather than a shameful thing. For many, the idea is so humiliating that they resists the very thing they need which is, of course some type of incontinence protection. The more respectfully this is handled, the better. An article that may help: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-convince-elderly-parent-to-wear-adult-diapers-145643.htm Take care, Carol
Is she mobile? Difference between a "diaper"..the tab type and a "pull up" brief type. If she is mobile and able to use the brief, pull up type then just remove all her other underwear and replace them with the pull up brief. If she questions it just tell her that the others are in the wash. Most of the pull up type are now either white or there are pastel colored ones for women and gray for men.
Now I just purchased a pad to place on my husbands bed that I am very happy with it is made by Conni and they have undergarments for men and women. If they are as absorbent as the pad that go that might solve a problem. The undergarments look like regular underwear and the inserts are replaceable and washable. that might be an option. But the bed pad was fairly expensive and I can only imagine the underwear is as well. But I guess cost of disposable vs cost of reusable probably reusable is less expensive in the long run.
Also do not call them "diapers" it infantalizes someone and it is bad enough that they are loosing themselves without being thought of as an infant
We call them pullups, the same thing as diapers just a better term for an elderly person. I explain them to elderly people as they are useful to avoid wet pants, and wet pants aren't very nice. All the best, Arlene Hutcheon
Just because you wear depends does not mean that you have to "depend" on them instead of going to the bathroom as usual. I would prefer to wear them in case of an accident, so my clothing would not become soiled and everyone around me know that I had just had an accident. You can still go to the bathroom, pull them down like regular underwear, and take care of business. My grandsons all wore diapers at night for a while when they were trying to stay dry - pulled them down in front and urinated w/o any problem. I would rather deal w/a soiled depends than my bed and me being completely soiled - that would be humiliating/embarrassing to the max!
Check out the super absorbent incontinence products available through a medical supply store in your area. These are not usually available in common retail stores but are actually more cost effective because you will likely find that you are using less products and doing less laundry due to leakage at night. These products have super polymers that wick the moisture from the skin with greater efficiency than those you can purchase at Walmart, Walgreen, etc. Using these has resulted in decreased UTI and skin breakdown for us!
My Mom (89) has Alzheimer's and is incontinent. We diaper her and use an added pad. I make sure she gets checked and changed every few hours during the day but at night when she sleeps I will not change her until the morning along with her daily shower. So basically every morning she is wet and I'm concerned if this is bad for her, being wet at night.
My mom uses Assurance, a walmart brand.Easy for her to get on and off herself.They are a lavender color and we just call them underwear.She is glad it is something she can do herself and it cuts down on the laundry.She even carries a spare in her purse,she has stress incontinence.This is an emotional subject, can be seen as another slip down that slippery slope.We just try to view it as an adjustment to make things better.l
I know someone who had COPD and bad coughing attacks, they sometimes result in a unintended squirt. She would never wear "disposable underwear", or incontinence pads, but she was OK with sanitary pads, but that may not suffice.
When I had my knee replaced, I wore them myself. Wear some even if you don't have to, so you can speak from experience. My MIL liked the Prevail, so I have a case shipped to her once a month. She won't waste anything, so of course she uses them instead of cutting up chux.
3rdPup - there comes a point where they have NO control of the sphincter muscles & she probably really doesn't realize she is having accidents. My mother was having a "movement" right in the hospital, when she was trying to get up - the nurse told her "hold on a second - you're having a bowel movement" - my mom said "I am?? I just went not that long ago!" - she didn't even realize it. If there is any nerve damage (as was my mother's case, from over 40 years of semi-controlled diabetes) she can lose feeling as a result of that also. It is hard to deal with for sure! Here's another suggestion...maybe have her wear them "only at night" at first, then start nudging her towards wearing them more often from there - maybe once she realizes how much easier it is on everyone, she'll be more compliant. ((knock on wood!))
I'm starting to deal with the same issues for my mother. She has urinary incontinence (she has been referred to a urologist) Appt next week as well as seeing her own dr. She has now started having bowel movements in bed (huge mess). My sisters and I clean it up. She says she doesn't realize that she has accidents (which we are beginning to think she does know just being stubborn)...just by some of her other mannerisms. She won't wear Depends at all. She said she doesn't think she needs them. I know she thinks it makes her "old" and she is ashamed. But we have told her that it's okay, many of people wear them. My 15 year niece even put one on to lighten the mood. She laughed but still didn't help. We are calling back the "professionals" She has resisted before but we are trying again. Hope it works.
A lot of good advice. My MIL was always so proud that she had pulled off hers to go in the bed -- keeping the disposables clean! She never did understand --- maybe on purpose????
@stmahoney- incontinence is not something that is going to go away unless it is caused by a UTI or something of that nature. If any of those issues have been ruled out, it might be time to start looking for a new place for your dad to live - I can't imagine incontinence is a "discharge criteria" - the issue is so common that you would think they'd never keep any tenants!
@estoppel - My mother resisted "diapers" in the beginning also. She insisted on using Poise pads, but she not only needed them for urine leakage, she tried using them for stool accidents as well. Needless to say, that didn't work so well and she got tired of the mess this created. I finally suggested she give the "pull-on disposable underwear" a try, and she was hooked. She used that style until the "occasional" stool incontinence became constant, so she switched to the tabbed-style (that secures on the sides) because they were easier to get off without making a mess if she had soiled them (and she didn't have to get completely undressed from the waist down to change them...something you don't think about!). I'm sure it's not easy to admit your body is giving in to old age and that they need those products, but I think once they realize just how many people do have to purchase them and how common it is, it helps.
When I first met my mother-in-law, I noticed there were pads in her bedroom everywhere. She's 73, so I was like, Sweetie do you still have your period? What's with all these pads? She told me she dribbled, and couldn't find the right one. So one day, while I was at Wal-Mart I saw the pull-up the earlier thread spoke of. I bought a pack and told her I had bought her home some "big girl panties". Well, it stuck. Because now when she's out of them, it's much easier to say, "please don't forget to pick up more big girl panties!" She loves them.
My father tends to remove his pull-up at night and there is a "mess" in the morning that the aide has to deal with - cleaning him as well as sheets. The Assisted Living Center called and recommended "jump-suits" for night wear that cannot be removed. Won't this start a downward spiral that will lead to his total reliance day and night on "pull-ups". During the day he goes to the men's room and attends to his needs on his own. (This night time incontinence and jumpsuit recommendation came during a week that he had a virus and a 99.7 degree fever. He is 90 years old.) Isn't this recommendation premature? I am fearful because "incontinence" is a "discharge criteria" from this particular Assisted Living Center.
Let her see you wear them. Of course you have to be pretty casual for that, but it worked for mom and me. Mom ended up laughing because I told her I was putting one on to watch tv and didn't want to be disturbed. I know, we were goofy. I miss my mom a lot. Pull ups and all.
Possible option: Remove all the regular underwear from her drawer and replace them with "disposable underwear". Don't make a big deal of it, just act as though this is absolutely normal. One brand of incontinence products is actually making briefs in colors now! But "disposable underwear" is often far easier to accept, especially when they open their underwear drawer and find them already there as if they belong there and have been there all along! I have had this work both for my Grandmother as well as for many clients!
First, be careful not to call it a diaper. That will generally bring on resistance. A third party - non-family member such as a doctor or good friend of the parent - can often make progress here. Elders often don't like being told what to do by their "kids."
If your mom can understand that discrete protection is far more dignified than going around smelling like urine, she may decide that incontinence protection is best. But if she's shamed, or told she needs a diaper, you could be in for a losing battle.
Please try to get a doctor or someone outside the family to find a way to gently explain that many, many people need incontinence pads, and that they are really no big deal. Maybe, just maybe then she'll try them.
Good luck, You are facing common, but frustrating, issue. Carol
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Take care,
Carol
Difference between a "diaper"..the tab type and a "pull up" brief type.
If she is mobile and able to use the brief, pull up type then just remove all her other underwear and replace them with the pull up brief. If she questions it just tell her that the others are in the wash.
Most of the pull up type are now either white or there are pastel colored ones for women and gray for men.
Now I just purchased a pad to place on my husbands bed that I am very happy with it is made by Conni and they have undergarments for men and women. If they are as absorbent as the pad that go that might solve a problem. The undergarments look like regular underwear and the inserts are replaceable and washable. that might be an option. But the bed pad was fairly expensive and I can only imagine the underwear is as well. But I guess cost of disposable vs cost of reusable probably reusable is less expensive in the long run.
Also do not call them "diapers" it infantalizes someone and it is bad enough that they are loosing themselves without being thought of as an infant
@estoppel - My mother resisted "diapers" in the beginning also. She insisted on using Poise pads, but she not only needed them for urine leakage, she tried using them for stool accidents as well. Needless to say, that didn't work so well and she got tired of the mess this created. I finally suggested she give the "pull-on disposable underwear" a try, and she was hooked. She used that style until the "occasional" stool incontinence became constant, so she switched to the tabbed-style (that secures on the sides) because they were easier to get off without making a mess if she had soiled them (and she didn't have to get completely undressed from the waist down to change them...something you don't think about!). I'm sure it's not easy to admit your body is giving in to old age and that they need those products, but I think once they realize just how many people do have to purchase them and how common it is, it helps.
So one day, while I was at Wal-Mart I saw the pull-up the earlier thread spoke of. I bought a pack and told her I had bought her home some "big girl panties". Well, it stuck. Because now when she's out of them, it's much easier to say, "please don't forget to pick up more big girl panties!" She loves them.
Of course you have to be pretty casual for that, but it worked for mom and me. Mom ended up laughing because I told her I was putting one on to watch tv and didn't want to be disturbed.
I know, we were goofy.
I miss my mom a lot. Pull ups and all.
lovbob
If your mom can understand that discrete protection is far more dignified than going around smelling like urine, she may decide that incontinence protection is best. But if she's shamed, or told she needs a diaper, you could be in for a losing battle.
Please try to get a doctor or someone outside the family to find a way to gently explain that many, many people need incontinence pads, and that they are really no big deal. Maybe, just maybe then she'll try them.
Good luck,
You are facing common, but frustrating, issue.
Carol