My mom's first roommate was a perfect fit for her. Unfortunately she passed away and my mom was alone for about a month. She was very alert, got dressed every day and sat in her chair for meals etc., not getting into bed until around 6 or 7 at night. Her new roommate is very nice, but her husband stays all day! They always talk to my mom and if she's sleeping they wake her and ask if she's okay! The room is crowded as is and they keep the TV on all day until it stopped working for awhile and asked my mom to turn hers on. At night, her roomate calls out "help me" all night. My mom is getting no sleep and now that she's so tired, asks not to be dressed and kept in bed to catch up on sleep. But they keep her up. She looks tired and is getting forgetful. She wants to change rooms, but she's afraid she'll get another roomate like this one. There are no set visiting hour; family can come at all hours. Can anything be done?
Earplugs, for a start. Soft disposable foam ones, like they give you on flights, and your mother should ask for assistance with putting them in when she's ready to settle down for the night.
Trickier but still possible: negotiate with the roommate, and talk to the staff so that they can support with finding a modus vivendi that is acceptable to all parties. Be positive! - you say this lady is very nice, she has only just moved in, her husband must be nice too or he wouldn't be so concerned about his wife that he's there all day, and it is bound to take a little while for everyone to settle.
You can train your mother to realize that it is quite possible to say no nicely, and to ask people to allow you privacy without offending them.
Are there lounges or communal areas where the couple can spend time? Is the roommate currently bedbound, or might it be nice for her to get out a bit and see around the facility?
Is there a quiet room (like a library or similar) where your mother can have a little doze in a comfy chair after lunch?
Key things:
TALK!
For heaven's sake don't let this fester. Seize the day!
It sucks that your mom has to move rooms and may have to again if she gets another bad roommate but she is declining because of this stressful situation and I would hate to see her keep going downhill. She sounds like a lovely lady.
Unless a person has a single room I don't think it is right that visitors are allowed to be in the room all day. Visits should be done in common areas out of respect for the other person that lives in said room.
NH my mom was in claimed this. She roomed with a woman who the nurses claimed like to listen to religious music.
Highly doubtful, since she was only a few weeks from dying.
The music was probably for the nurses.
Ask that she be paired with a roommate that gets few visitors. I am sure the new roommate would appreciate the company. Sadly, I am sure there are a few residents that have few visitors.
At any rate, I wouldn't let this continue w/o involving the admins. Your mother is entitled to peace and quiet.
Bring it up to the administration, because your mom has every right to peace in her private space. The "help me" stuff is a dealbreaker for that roommate, too. Ask to be moved, or pony up the money for a private room.
Roommate with my mom was an actively dying woman who they claimed would be upset if religious music was turned off. This woman slept the bulk of the time.
After mom passed, after being discharged from this NH while in the hospital, was so glad to see this NH permanently closed
It is nice that the new roomie's husband stays with her for most of the day (probably to prevent her calling out "help me" all day) but unless she is bedbound, the staff, at the instigation of the Dir or the DON should ask him to spend the majority of his time outside of the shared room. ALs and even NH have community rooms for visitors.
Loud TV's have a problem since they came into shared healthcare facilities. A lot of our residents are hard of hearing so they jack the volume up. When the night staff is not running around caring for residents, they can "suggest" that the volume be turned down put can't force the issue -- resident rights. Same thing for visiting hours..... can't restrict them.
It would be lovely if they were to build new NHs with private rooms only (like the new hospitals) but no one is building new nursing homes for long term care (only assisted livings) claiming they are operating at a loss even with shared space. I have a friend who is trying out a headset for TVs; can't use earbuds as they will get lost even faster than hearing aids.
The hollering all night may be something facility can help you with. Let them know mom is getting no sleep and cannot handle the all night episodes, It's possible they can find her another room due to noise like that.
As far as the all night calling out waking her up, perhaps your mom can be given a mild sleeping aid to help her sleep better. That way her roommate's calling out may not wake her as easily. Although, it sounds like the roommate may need one more that your mother, but of course, you can't suggest that. Lol
Also, there is no shame in asking to have your mother moved. The staff should know the residents well enough to know who sleeps through the night and who doesn't.
Finally, you could also see if there is another home in the area where you could afford a private room for her. My mom was in a companion room in one facility, but moved to another facility and was able to have a private room for the same price. Of course, she is private pay, so if your mom is on Medicaid, that may not be an option.