Preface this with my Mother hates my husband (she has never liked anyone having a relationship with me). Mother is living with us until she finds another apartment (It's been over three months now). She left her apartment because she said she couldn't live there any longer (claims harassment by management and the apartment had mold issues). She is section 8. She says she's going to be getting something soon. Recently my Mother (I'm ill with flu at the time) called the police over a piece of wood the hubs had cut. My mother saw it, thought it was some kind of weapon and called the police to say she didn't feel safe. When the police came, they basically said it was nonsense. This isn't the first time she called the police for not feeling 'safe' in my home. The last time she locked herself out of her room and blamed the hubs. At that point she started screaming at him and following him all over the house lambasting him. Police were called, same response. Both times the police suggested calling adult protective services (and having her evicted). I haven't acted as I feel obligated as a daughter, but I also know nothing is ever good enough, right or 'safe' enough for her. This is above and beyond her narcissistic personality (long story on that). I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to be around her because of how she acts. I'm continuously anxious. The fact that she has tried to have my hubs arrested twice for alleged abuse is beyond belief. I'm pretty passive and I kind of ignore the behavior and after a day, she's talking to me like nothing happened. The hubs wants to report her. She talks about us behind my back to family (my son, my grand-niece). She's done this to them as well (why she is back in Texas instead of Florida). Any suggestions, help, advice will be helpful. Thank you all for listening.
Please help her to transition out of your home asap. Yes, evict her if necessary. She's creating chaos in your home and you're allowing it. Your spouse and marriage has priority, please protect it with a clear boundary by moving her out.
Stop allowing her destructive mental illness to destroy your relationship with your husband.
Some folks are beyond the help of "mere mortals". They need doctors, mental health professionals and a secure environment in order to live safely.
The writing is already on the wall - and you're fortunate that in two police visits, nothing resulted from it...but if it continues, the police may not be so forgiving ....who knows if next time, your mother doesn't exaggerate a scenario to them about being harmed, and then you and your husband will be on the defensive and potentially in jeopardy. Maybe next time, the police won't view what she claims as "nonsense"...why take the chance? If they keep getting called, it's not a good look.
My advice is - do not wait for your mother to make plans for her departure in finding a new apartment....you need to be way more proactive and vigilant in helping to find her a place - she states that "she's going to be getting something soon"....well, that sounds very vague to me - what does "soon" mean and how does she know? Have you asked her? What steps has she taken in looking for a place? Are there unanswered questions?
And how ungrateful of her to speak about you and your husband behind your backs to other family members. You need to spin this into something positive and exciting to your mother regarding finding a new apartment for her - and put your energies into making that happen - or you'll just continue feeling uncomfortable in your own home - and the more time that she's there, she'll become all too comfortable!
I am shaking my head, your mother hates your husband so you move her in your home? There is something wrong here.
You are the problem, not your mother or your husband. Take back your power show your husband that he is your priority. You need to get your head out of the sand, your attitude IMO is beyond passive.
I don't know, it happened to me when I was only 13 I was so jealous of my sisters boyfriend he had taken away my only friend, my sister and I couldn't understand. Any way it was resolved I don't know the full way it was resolved but it was resolved. I can't say I am enamoured to my sisters now husband army bloke and very aggressive to his children but...
Perhaps there is a way that they can resolve their differences, and can find a common understanding that they each like, like I don't know football, or a team or a meal they both like. Its a long shot, but that thinking outside the box and batting for the wrong side always is a long shot.
You seem compassionate and yes passive, I wonder if you could sit down with your husband and ask him how he feels about the situation, and ask him if he thinks there is a common ground that they can some how meet in the future.
Does your mother dislike him through, perhaps jealously that he took away her daughter, or that he wasn't good enough for you? perhaps this is where the resolve could be made.
Say to her, look at the flowers OH gave me today, or look what OH has done today? making her see that OH your husband is okay guy and not the threat she sees him as.
Just a thought, may be worth a shot, good luck and hugs hope you are okay xxx A