My profile says I take care of my Mom, but June 28 my sweet FIL passed away unexpectedly at age 89. The man was still very mentally sharp and a very safe driver. He even still mowed his 2 Acres of land. We’ve been helping my dear MIL with all the legal stuff. Well, right this minute I’m at the hospital with her. Her sodium level is critically low, and she hasn’t been sick or dehydrated. I just made the mistake of googling “critically low sodium”. Before I came to the hospital I was at my Mom’s taking care of some legal stuff because she is out of money and her house is being sold tomorrow. My husband is here but doesn’t realize how bad this might be. How is all this happening at the same time?????
This is happening “all at the same time” because your in-laws are elderly. It happens more than you know, that one spouse gets seriously ill/dies within a year of the other one dying.
I’m sorry to hear about your FIL’s passing and the legal stuff happening with your Mom. You must be overwhelmed. Try taking a walk outside the hospital or even go home and let your hubby sit with his mom.
Two weeks ago I flew to my uncles funeral and family get-together.
Last week my brother-in-law died. We went to his home, then to funeral home, then service at church.
Now, my B-I-L's elderly father fell, hit his head, has a blood clot in his brain and is on his way to surgery. The prognosis is not good.
Have you heard that bad news comes in 3's? It's true for us.
Make sure YOU eat all meals and drink plenty of water in the heat. Try to sleep a normal night's sleep. If you get run down, you won't be able to help those who need you.
I'm sorry all this is happening at the same time.
In the last three years I exchanged healthy living for self medicating with alcohol and badly neglecting my own health (I am in my sixties). I ended up in the ER a month ago and still have some issues. I had to retire.
I forgot the first rule of caregiving - take care of yourself first. Stress is the worst killer. Take breaks, have hobbies, be a little selfish with your time. You cannot help others if you are not healthy.
The elderly are more susceptible to "dying of a broken heart". Our local nursing home had an incident where a husband and wife lived together in the same room at the NH. She died on Christmas Eve (before midnight) and he died on Christmas Day (after midnight) while they were holding each other's hand.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/broken-heart-syndrome-156250.htm
An article about how someone's emotions can impact their physical health.
I agree that you need to stay off "Google" and let the doctors take care of your Mother-in-Law. You need to take care of yourself and your family and your own Mother (they have lost a loved one also.) If you or your husband feel that you can't leave the hospital, go to the hospital chapel and sit--just sit--let whatever thoughts or prayers or songs or hymns or whatever come to your mind.
I am sorry that you are having to bear so much sorrow at this time. God Bless. {{{Hugs}}}
Almost everyone on this site has been in your shoes. Multiple people needing caring care and attention at the same time. For me, it is my mother and my husband, both of whom spend about 21 hours a day in bed and are pretty out-of-it when up. It is a lot to take care of.
You are strong. You can handle this. And remember: it is all temporary.
Big hug and good luck!
I was FIL's primary CG, then I was dad's PT CG. I was overwhelmed, but I was the only one who was experiencing a "double loss"--my DH was untouched by my dad's passing, but I was hugely affected by HIS father's.
It's just the way life is, when you have elderly folks. You really often have no preamble to the sudden downswings in their health.
My mother and MIL who are both 88 are in better health than my own DH who at age 66, recently had 2 major heart attacks. He is not recovering well--and even though the dr says he's fine, I watch him slip away a little more everyday. It's horrible. I am starting to feel pretty sure that both our mother's will be predeceased by him--and talk about life being unfair!!
Taking care of yourself is important, also allowing yourself the time to grieve and accept new "norms" is important. I am struggling everyday with this new, crabby, sick man of mine, who shows zero interest in anything.
And I take anything I've "googled" with a big old grain of salt.
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