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My mother in law moved in with us, she has Parkinson’s and abuses alcohol. Is there Rehab help for seniors? It’s getting to be out of control and terrorizing our kids.
Mrsjen, my first question is how does your Mother-in-law get the alcohol? Is she still able to drive? Or is the alcohol in the household for everyone's use?
Hi MrsJen, You can already see the damage she is inflicting on your family.
Parkinson's is bad enough but adding alcohol to the mix is a recipe for disaster. She's a fall (with broken bones) waiting to happen.
You are not going to change her mind about drinking. She probably won't even admit she has a problem-most alcoholics are in denial.
Does she have a doctor? He or she needs to be alerted to the fact that she drinks. It could interfere with her Parkinson's medication. You could ask the doc what would be a proper placement for your mom.
I would suggest you try to remove her from your home as soon as possible so your kids can have a normal home life. (I was a child of 2 alcoholics-it's no fun.)
You can call Social Services in your area to find out what other living arrangements can be made for her. It sounds like she may need assisted living but I don't know if they'll take her if she's actively drinking. They can assess her to she what she qualifies for.
How does your husband feel about his mother drinking in front of your children. Are you both in agreement that she needs to leave?
Yes - first thing that comes to mind is where is she is getting the alcohol. And does her Doctor know she is drinking alcohol. I would think with Parkinson's medication it would be a NO NO.......
MrsJen -- Reread and act upon all who are questioning who is enabling/protecting her source of liquor supply and those who recommend assisted living. Look into the possibility of your joining a (free) Alanon group that will give emotional support to you as a family member. Go online to find the location of an Alanon group near you.
There may have been a time when her doctor told her that "a glass of wine might help the shaking" and she has take it a bit further. She may also be "self medicating" a variety of things going on. She may have also had an alcohol problem for years and she is getting worse at covering the effects. You do need to protect your children so do what you must there. If she is not happy that is on her. Yes seniors can go into rehab. The problem would be the Dementia. She does not know there is a problem. It does not matter what the age of the addict is, if they do not accept that they have a problem there will be no rehab. There are medications that can be given that will react with alcohol but the reaction is not pleasant. This is something that needs to be discussed with her Doctor. One of the reasons he or she needs to know is the alcohol probably effects how other prescribed medications will work. Drinking also makes this person a greater "Fall Risk" so they are more apt to get hurt and possibly break a hip
Don't let others question "how does she obtain the alcohol". My mother is an alcoholic and even at a point when she could hardly walk she managed to drag herself out to the car to drive to the convenience store for her wine. Even now (she is slightly better physically) she says it's too difficult to drive to the grocery for food, but by god she gets her daily wine.
My dad has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. He was a heavy drinker too. We were able to get through to him that the alcohol and medications did not mix and were detrimental to his well being. He took us seriously and quit drinking, to my surprise. Maybe a serious discussion with her from you and/or doctor could do this?
In the absence of her quitting or paring down to a minimal token drink per day, remove her from your daily living arrangement as it's only going to get disgustingly worse for your family.
Alcohol rehab might work but only if SHE is motivated and understands the dire need to quit. Or, if she falls or has the slightest hiccup that gets her admitted to the emergency room, you could push to get her a 6-week stay in a physical rehab facility. There, she will not have access to alcohol and might help her quit permanently.
That last strategy was what worked for my dad, but not for my mom.
Be resourceful and look out for the best interest of you and your children first.
I am so sorry that your family has to go through this journey. With the best situations it is so hard and frustrating and scary (to name a few). Your choice of words, terrorizing our kids, was all I needed to see. She can do whatever she chooses, just not in your home. Children need to be protected from selfish, narcissistic adults, maybe a bit strong, but this woman is taking advantage of the love and kindness your family has shown by opening their home to her, her thank you is "I am going to do what I want regardless of how it affects any of you!" Her words may be different, but this is what her actions say. You and your husband are responsible to your children and each other FIRST. I am not sure where you are, but my dad lives in a small, 8 people max, assisted living home and to my great surprise residents can have alcohol, with a Dr.s permission. This could be a solution for her. If your MIL won't, can't or? Stop drinking, it is time for her to deal with the consequences of her choices, not your children or yourselves.
Please let us know how things are going, we all help each other on this site and I personally pray for all involved in all of the personal journeys, so I love to hear updates, as I'm sure do others. May God bless and keep you and your family through this hard trial.
Hi MrsJen: My dad is 88 and an alcoholic. Mostly his "recreational" drinking got worse after mom and my brothers died. It built up to 12 beers a day until Aug 2016 he had a car accident going to get his beer. He had his license taken away and spent 3 weeks in hospital/rehab. Luckily the other driver wasn't seriously injured. Since then it has been a DAILY battle. His DR had already told him to only drink 2 beers, and that was before the accident. He also had a mild stroke earlier that year and the neurologist said NO BEER. But an alcoholic is addicted. It was a wonderful "break" when he detoxed and was sober for about 2 months after the accident then someone got him some beer thinking they knew best. It was a matter of time anyway. He just want to check out from all his losses. (I'd like to too!) So, even though dad can't drive, lives 3 miles from the nearest store and only gets a small amount of money every month (I control finances except for his very small pension check) he STILL manages to get beer. His caregiver said he even tries to stop strangers on the road. But mostly it is people who don't care what his Dr said or that it can cause Him to have another stroke, they want something in return and so they give/get him the beer. Luckily the caregiver, who does live on his property, has been able to INTERCEPT large quantities and so far dad only gets the 2 she gives him or occasionally one or two more on top of the 2. Dad doesn't take any meds that may interact with his alcohol so that is good, for him. In your situation you can enlist the help of your mom's DR but if she is an alcoholic it won't matter. And going to AA or something like that is NOT going to work unless SHE wants to stop and she's probably like my dad; alcohol makes her forget her troubles. It's been a tough last 5 years since my older brother died. He lived on dad's property (he also drank beer and was a diabetic) but at least I only dealt with it from afar. Now we go to dad's (1.5 hr drive one way) every other weekend. He gets belligerent when he drinks but not as bad as it used to be. His caregiver keeps a couple beers in her fridge and gives him one after lunch and one after dinner. He ALWAYS asks people to buy him when "when you go into town" but family doesn't. My advice to you is to do what you can, what YOU want when you can and let the rest go. That is for YOUR benefit. So when something happens to your mom you won't have any guilt. Go to A Anon for YOURSELF. It helped me realize that I can't help him he can only help himself and "he doesn't have a problem". God bless.
There are mental health units which take seniors who need more help than any assisted living can provide. You'll need to talk to the doc about having her committed to a hospital where they can get her chemical intake under control. She may be able to recover. Under no circumstances would I allow her to be around my children unsupervised, so I would make sure they are not alone with her while I am making arrangements to place mom.
Alcohol and smoking both interfere with medications so it's doubly bad to have alcohol in the house. The medication/alcohol mixture could be what is causing her to be violent too.
Its not right that children should be exposed to this. I know people who family alchoholism has effected them. This woman needs. rehab to deal with her problems. An AL will not take this woman in.
Rehab help for anyone starts at ReformU.com. It is a bible-based support group that meets at churches once a week all over the world.
RU is a biblically based, Christ-centered recovery program designed to rescue, recover, and restore those in addictive behaviors with the power of the victorious hidden life found only in Jesus Christ.
I am from a long line of Alcoholics, please, please, get this woman out of your house. They do not need to be exposed to her, it causes life long scars. That is why they have Adult Children of Alcoholics organizations.
Let me just start by saying that she was in the middle of a 6 day drinking binge when I wrote this, her house burnt down in the fires, so that’s why she’s with us, she has not had such a drunken episode since she’s been here. But knowing her from the past we did feel it may come. We did come home a few days and smelt alcohol and knew she had a drink. Mainly her behavior in the two months since she’s been here has been Ok. When I said “our kids” they are grown, over 20 but recently they were all home for the holiday season. WE DO NOT ENABLE, her alcoholism. She walks to 711 and purchases it herself when we are working. In the question I was looking for help, not judgement, I do understand alcoholism as me and my husband obviously grew up with alcoholic parents, I was worried for our kids to see what we grew up with (again they are all over 20)
Mrsjen, please don't be offended that we are all worried about young children who can't get away. It's better to repeat "protect the children" if we don't know you don't have minors in order to help someone else reading this board. Protecting the vunerable is job #1.
Since the kids are up & out, we need a plan for how to help your mil. How old is she? Any other ailments other than Parkinson's and alcoholism?
Well she is 69, we have been telling her that she should go to the doctor, but she would say she’s fine, or tell us that the doctors office burnt down, which it did, but we explained to her that she could transfer to a doc here! She finally asked to go to the doctor, so I called some offices and they said they will not take her until she transfers the medical to this county, which I got the phone numbers and they started the process. The offices did tell me the if there is an emergency that we could take her to any emergency with the Medi-cal card. My friends Mom who is a nurse also suggested taking her to the emergency room if she does another binge drinking episode and tell them she’s a danger to herself. Just worried if we do get housing what will she do if she’s alone? Also there’s really no place to put her, all the senior affordable list housing here are closed, as is section8
Mrsjen, I am sorry you feel judged but if you would have clarified the situation in your original post i am sure you would have very different responses. You said terrorizing our kids, leading readers to believe you had children in the home and your MIL has been behaving in a terrorizing manner in the present not some past experience or future fears. I for one wish posters would tell the situation as is and stop complaining about judgment from others who are concerned about what was posted. I have enough real stress with out wondering what's really going on, this site is intended to help one another, not intentionally paint the wrong picture then call people out for responding to your post.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can already see the damage she is inflicting on your family.
Parkinson's is bad enough but adding alcohol to the mix is a recipe for disaster. She's a fall (with broken bones) waiting to happen.
You are not going to change her mind about drinking. She probably won't even admit she has a problem-most alcoholics are in denial.
Does she have a doctor? He or she needs to be alerted to the fact that she drinks. It could interfere with her Parkinson's medication.
You could ask the doc what would be a proper placement for your mom.
I would suggest you try to remove her from your home as soon as possible so your kids can have a normal home life. (I was a child of 2 alcoholics-it's no fun.)
You can call Social Services in your area to find out what other living arrangements can be made for her. It sounds like she may need assisted living but I don't know if they'll take her if she's actively drinking. They can assess her to she what she qualifies for.
How does your husband feel about his mother drinking in front of your children. Are you both in agreement that she needs to leave?
Good luck.
She may also be "self medicating" a variety of things going on.
She may have also had an alcohol problem for years and she is getting worse at covering the effects.
You do need to protect your children so do what you must there. If she is not happy that is on her.
Yes seniors can go into rehab. The problem would be the Dementia. She does not know there is a problem. It does not matter what the age of the addict is, if they do not accept that they have a problem there will be no rehab.
There are medications that can be given that will react with alcohol but the reaction is not pleasant.
This is something that needs to be discussed with her Doctor.
One of the reasons he or she needs to know is the alcohol probably effects how other prescribed medications will work. Drinking also makes this person a greater "Fall Risk" so they are more apt to get hurt and possibly break a hip
My dad has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. He was a heavy drinker too. We were able to get through to him that the alcohol and medications did not mix and were detrimental to his well being. He took us seriously and quit drinking, to my surprise. Maybe a serious discussion with her from you and/or doctor could do this?
In the absence of her quitting or paring down to a minimal token drink per day, remove her from your daily living arrangement as it's only going to get disgustingly worse for your family.
Alcohol rehab might work but only if SHE is motivated and understands the dire need to quit. Or, if she falls or has the slightest hiccup that gets her admitted to the emergency room, you could push to get her a 6-week stay in a physical rehab facility. There, she will not have access to alcohol and might help her quit permanently.
That last strategy was what worked for my dad, but not for my mom.
Be resourceful and look out for the best interest of you and your children first.
Please let us know how things are going, we all help each other on this site and I personally pray for all involved in all of the personal journeys, so I love to hear updates, as I'm sure do others. May God bless and keep you and your family through this hard trial.
Find her stash and replace it with water.
RU is a biblically based, Christ-centered recovery program designed to rescue, recover, and restore those in addictive behaviors with the power of the victorious hidden life found only in Jesus Christ.
Gal. 2:20, 2 Tim. 2:24-26, Gal. 6:1, 1 Cor. 15:57, 2 Cor. 4:7
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Since the kids are up & out, we need a plan for how to help your mil. How old is she? Any other ailments other than Parkinson's and alcoholism?
She finally asked to go to the doctor, so I called some offices and they said they will not take her until she transfers the medical to this county, which I got the phone numbers and they started the process. The offices did tell me the if there is an emergency that we could take her to any emergency with the Medi-cal card. My friends Mom who is a nurse also suggested taking her to the emergency room if she does another binge drinking episode and tell them she’s a danger to herself. Just worried if we do get housing what will she do if she’s alone? Also there’s really no place to put her, all the senior affordable list housing here are closed, as is section8