My two sisters and I have been working with our 96 year old mother and medical professionals to determine the best course of action going forward. My mom is facing a below knee amputation due to extremely poor circulation. Her foot is gangrenous and an immediate permanent decision has to be made. Either leg amputation or hospice. Mom has some dementia and lives in a long term care facility. Her over all is good with only high blood pressure. Mom was accepted by hospice but there is a lot of second guessing going on.
There are many things that go into my reasoning.
Post anesthesia she will probably decline a bit and probably not "bounce back" to pre surgery cognition. (hopefully I am wrong about this)
She most likely will not participate in rehab so a prosthetic is highly unlikely.
There is no guarantee that she will have good circulation to the remaining lower portion of the leg and if that becomes compromised the same thing will happen. The big question then is will she be more comfortable after the amputation? And what is the prognosis if you opt not to have the surgery?
Not sure there is a perfect answer to this question.
I guess what would you want to do if this was you facing this decision?
I believe quality of life is more important than the quantity I personally would base my decision on that.
What a difficult decision to have to make. You have my best wishes. I hope you will update us.
And importantly, is she diabetic?
I don't know what I'd do if this were happening to my mother; I think it would be hard for her to cope and she'd be overwhelmed and depressed. OTOH, my father would see it as a challenge.
I think a lot could depend on how your mother (a) views her life now (b) would view her life after an amputation and (c) how she could cope and recover.
And would she be able to continue to live in a long term care facility after surgery?
This is definitely a family decision. I wish you luck.
I know this is a horrible decision to have to make. My parents were never given any option but amputation and there was talk of prosthetics and wheelchairs and normal life. None of that happened. Please have real hard discussions with the doctors about the reality of her prognosis if you make a decision to amputate. In my mother's case it only caused unnecessary pain.
I am so very sorry.
My dad had heart surgery in his 80’s and I was scared to death. He actually made it through the surgery alright but while in ICU he suffered a stroke.
My mom blamed herself which broke my heart. She kept saying that she should have talked him out of it. I explained to mom that he would have died without the surgery due to his heart issues.
I asked the surgeon if this was his father would he want surgery done. He told me yes.
Daddy was scared having the surgery. He wanted to believe he would come through the surgery okay and he did.
He was never the same after his stroke. He died at 85 years old. He fought so hard. He did rehab, had home health, did speech, physical and occupational therapy.
Recovery is a long road for the elderly after a surgery.
I can’t imagine an elderly woman having this surgery. That would be horrific for her. The alternative is awful too.
I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this, especially your mom.
My mom has rotator cuff issues that would require surgery to help relieve her pain and her doctor has said that she would not recommend any surgery at her age for any reason. Mom will be 95 soon.
I can tell you that my mom couldn’t handle the surgery. She is suffering so much already with Parkinson’s disease. Even if the doctor would perform surgery she would not do it. Your mom has to answer according to her specific needs and how she feels about it.
What a horrible situation for her to be in. She may not want to deal with the aftermath. She may be afraid of not trying to go through with it. Oh my gosh, I will keep her in my prayers.
I fully realize that your mom’s situation is very different because it it a different situation but still surgeries at their age is a risk in itself.
Sending a bazillion hugs and prayers your way. I wish that you were not in horrible predicament. It’s incredibly sad.
I can’t imagine how your mom is feeling about this. God bless her.
What would you want?
This is your mom making a decision if she hasn't been declared incompetent (this is EXACTLY) how my grandma died at the age of 92, almost 50 years ago, btw).
Surgery carries great risk at that age. She may not make it off the table, or be greatly diminished mentally, not to mention physically.
There is only the least bad choice, and it is a hard one to make.
She takes her mom to live with her son in another state. She flys with mom. They stay is a few days. Mom has an appointment with the new doctor. He says she needs surgery right away, We need to amputate the leg. No food, no water after midnight. Bring her in the morning.
They arrive on schedule: mom is around 86 years old. They need to prop mom for operation. Doctor says: she did not have anything to eat as we discussed: daughter says, well, mom was hungry, so I gave her a piece of dried toast.
Immediately, the doctor says, we need to cancel operation today.
The following morning, mom was in Heaven.
My friend was devastated. I said, no, your mom wanted to be with your dad. She is happy she didn't go through that operation. Thank God for the Dried Toast :)
Did you ask mom? 96 ?
Sometimes, it is not in our hands. It's not up to us.
Then again my aunt had both legs removed... and the kid visiting his grandma would comment on the lady with no legs. The next day she asked the salon to dye her hair purple. From then on, the kid talked about the lady with purple hair. :-)
She has since passed, as these bodies are meant to do sometime in our lives..
We do not last forever.
and surgeons like what they do, they like to operate...some of them, or less of them depends on the doctor...
one split another aunt from abdomen to pelvis... OH I am sorry, Cancer is all over your insides, gonna sew you up, and good luck. seriously, no laproscopy? small incision to look and see what is going on? you have to split her like a chicken and say oops? nothing I can do? NOW, WITH CANCER, TRY TO HEAL THIS HUGE GAPING SLICE ! Well, that took much energy...
as I said, and my FIL told me ,yes, he had cancer too, as did most of my relatives, These bodies, .. are made to last ."
hope you use your time wisely..
THESE TIMES,::: BE NICE: BE PATIENT: BE PATIENT,,, BE CARING...
SMILE: SMILE;; SMILE:; These times, no body is looking at your teeth: they are hidden BEHIND THE MASKS THAT KEEP US GOING A LITTLE BIT LONGER.
STAY HEALTHY, HAPPY, AND FIND JOY... FIND JOY... LAUGH :) Tell a fun story, compliment someone today. on anything... their voice, their eyes, their SMILE :)
laugh a ,little. I do at myself,,, nobody really laughs with me...
tell someone in line something fun, something they really need or don't need to know... a little history about a place you visited or a moment in your life.
when I was little, every night, I would see the JOLLY GREEN GIANT = LAUGHING AT ME: YOU Know the commercial ::: HO HO HO Yup that guy was real to me... saw the shadow of the leaves bouncing off the walls in my room. My brothers finally got tired of the nightly routines. They talked with an old fisherman at the pier who had a magical fishing weight THAT would keep the scary jolly green giant away.. they story was very long fun and magical. they hung it up for me. And then my big brother gave me this awesome poster,,, from the 60's (of course :) of big beautiful day glow butterflies... !!! I finally had it professionally framed. They said they couldn't do it, it was an original... It was tearing from many years and I wanted to keep it... I lost the magical weight over the years, but I still have the memory... Now one is gone as my brother, and the other just flutters by.. I don't hear from him anymore either... but I still have the fond memory..I will never forget. I still have the poster. thank you for listening.
In some cases pain meds don’t even work well enough to reduce the pain. The best they can do is dull it, take the edge off.
Years ago, I dated someone that had an amputation due to gangrene. He had a horrible motorcycle accident. His pain was horrific. The meds barely made a dent.
Years later, I had a terrible accident, not with a motorcycle, I was on a bicycle and I suffered a horrible open compound fracture. Same for me, meds hardly helped at all. When I asked my orthopedic surgeon about it, he said that meds would not remove the pain, it would only dull it. I did not have to have my arm removed like my former boyfriend. It was heartbreaking for him.
Wishing your family peace in making a very tough decision.
I hope you can find peace as you go through the next steps of your mother's life.
People are not trees.
I sincerely hope that your mom’s remaining days are lived out as peacefully as possible. Hospice is the best choice.
What are her chances of dying on the operating table?
Present your answers to your mom and see what she thinks.
My Dad is 96 and I think he is too old for an operation but I would ask my Dad what he wanted
Who is doing the second-guessing?
I'd suggest that you take a big piece of paper, divide it into two columns, head one column "amputation" and the other "comfort care only", and below the headings list what her doctors advise is to be expected in either case.
Then you can compare the choices side by side. I'm very sorry that you're having to make this almost impossible decision on your mother's behalf, and I hope that the family will support one another whatever the decision is.
i know this s a difficult decision for your family but my suggestion would be to opt for hospice. Surgery and recovery is going to be extremely traumatic for her at 96.
No matter what your decision, my prayers are with you.
She went into at home hospice in July. We are now in Oct she is close to death. I cannot tell you if I would do the same thing again. Shes 90.