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My mother is a very proud woman. But she is trying to pack and move a 4000 square-foot home into an apartment with very little help. I am unable to help her as I have just had a hip replacement. She has been a member of her church for 30 years. Should I call her church and ask for help even though she is resisting that help?

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I guess that depends on her mental capacity. If she's refusing help and you go behind her back to force help on her that's rather presumptuous unless she's incapable of deciding things for herself. Is your mother going to be angry and resent your interference when the church folks show up and tell her you called?
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alisaoconnor May 2019
My mother’s mental faculties are great. Her health however it is a whole other issue. It is failing and she is not physically able to handle the task of packing, moving, etc. She is going to be furious with me when she finds out that I have contacted her church for help . But without their help she is not going to be able to handle this entire situation. She is not being realistic. I’m at a loss as the best way to help her at this point. Sidenote. This is the first move my mother has ever had to undertake without the help of my dad who divorced her after 42 years of marriage and he married his mistress. He is still living and I’m sure she’s very hurt he’s not in her life handling the entire situation.
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alisaoconnor, I was just wondering if your Mom is trying to move everything she owns thinking you will want to inherit all of those items? This is something you may want to bring up, either Mom will be relieved that you may want a few items, or she may be upset.

When emptying out my parents house, neither parent had ever mentioned to me that they are saving this or that for me. I pretty much donated all the furniture that was left in the house, once my Dad choose what he wanted to take to senior living. But he was the type that would have been happy with a cot and sleeping bag :)

Your Mom may feel overwhelmed if the church members come to help, as there will be 101 questions from them "do you want to keep this?" "do your want to keep that"? I remember I got annoyed with my sig-other when he was doing that to me, every few minutes. So, unless your Mom has already set out items to pack, then the church members could help her. Or she may not want the church members to see all of the items.

Added: Could your Mom budget for a moving company? Let the moving company do the packing. I assume she had hired one to do the heavy lifting. I remember moving from a house to another house just around the corner. I thought this would be easy moving all the small stuff. Boy, was I mistaken. I wanted to keep everything, too.
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If she is moving to an apartment I hope she doesn't think she can take everything. She needs to realize she needs to downsize big time. Start with packing just what she has enough room for at the apartment. After that start separating what she wants to keep from what she is willing to get rid of. Then go through the pile she wants to keep again and see what else she is willing to get rid of. You maybe able to get someone to come in an give her something for the things she doesn't want.

I actually sat my Mom down and started saying want, don't want.
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If she is in her right mind she will soon figure out she can not handle this on her own. An apartment is no match for a 4000 sq.ft. house.
When a house sales, current occupant/s usually have a very short time to get moved since they no longer own the house.

Perhaps communicate only by phone right now. If she does not see you or hear from you about the move (though it's still a worry for you) maybe she will realize sooner rather than later that she can not do it alone.

If you are in contact with her church friends and you explain your reasons for not calling, will they be willing to check on her daily, call her, and encourage her to hire someone to help with the major moving tasks?

Charities pick up good furniture and/or appliances. These items can not be moved by you, your mom, or her friends. While you are still recovering from your surgery, you can do some telephone or on-line work in your own home to locate/communicate with potential help - paid and unpaid - and just not say anything to her until absolutely necessary.
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What a blessing to have others look at the same situation I’m dealing with and have such thoughtful, insightful and different perspectives. Gosh! I needed that! I feel I have some other things to consider now. I think, perhaps, I will have a confidential conversation with her pastor and get an idea of his thoughts on the matter and go from there. Especially considering she closes and must vacate in 10 days! I will keep all posted. Many thanks!
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