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John, welcome to the forum.

What is she afraid of?

Immigration issue?
Past marriage?
Identity theft?
Bigamy?
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You should be able to get her SS# from your income taxes.

Are u trying to get Aid and Attendance? This is a good question for the VA rep. You should have a county office. . Not something we as a forum should answer. We are not experts just able to maybe help point u in the right direction.
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