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Anyone else feel sad when there really is no one to remember their birthday? It’s almost as if they aren’t supposed to matter any more? My husband remembered because I put it on his calendar every year. No children, no family close by, no friends. 65 in my mind is an important milestone in a life. I bought myself flowers, a balloon and decorated the table. But it feels so pathetic. I came here because for years this forum has always been helpful and supportive. If this happens to you, how do you handle and stop feeling sorry for yourself? ( P.S. I have no friends for deeply engrained psychological reasons stemming from traumatic childhood. Decades of therapy, major behavioral changes, medications, has not yet completely changed this and it may never change). Thank you for being there ❤️

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I haven't had anyone in my family acknowledge my birthday in years. Yet it's look to me to have a party for one of the kids or some other family member when it's their day. I remember my mother and a couple other family members wanted me to have a party for my SIL a few years back when she was turning 40 years old. You know what my response was? I told them we should throw her exactly the same kind of birthday party I had. Then, oh, wait that was nothing. My mother and some family members were actually resentful that I didn't throw her a party.
I turned 40 and got absolutely nothing. I have a few friends but none who are close enough that they would do anything either. My neighbor took me out to dinner. My family did nothing.
It is what it is and you're not alone. For what it's worth, I'm wishing you a happy birthday. I hope you have many more and that they're all filled with joy and very good cake.
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bundleofjoy Dec 2021
hugs, when you turned 40, your family did nothing? :( :( :( :(
and they wanted YOU to throw a party for SIL 40th? :( :( :( :(
----

here's an extra bday hug for when you did turn 40!! :) :) :)

every number is special. every number must be celebrated!!! :) :) :)
i go totally crazy on bdays!
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I would suggest that the next time a special occasion comes around(not just your birthday)that instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself, that you find someplace near and dear to your heart, that you can go do some volunteer work at, like a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, animal shelter, meals on wheels etc. You get the idea. You'll be amazed how reaching out and helping others will turn your frown upside down! And you may just come to not dread these special days after all.
Happy Belated Birthday!!!
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Happy Birthday!

I too am kind of an introvert, but was thinking of joining this Tai Chi workout that the senior center has in the spring. Anyone can go over 50, and it's free. Maybe a low-key activity like that would help you find low-key friends for future occasions without stress?

Just a thought. In any case happy birthday. FWIW if you're here next year, just chirp up. I'll remember.
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You say that years of therapy and major changes have not changed this "completely". But there HAVE been changes, so that is very, very good, and you should be proud of that.
I have never been someone who has set much store in holidays, which include my birthday. And I hate that people feel obligated to gifts and or calls. In fact, to me the calls somewhat become the "obligatory calls" they feel they must make because their calendars just let them know it is my birthday. So personally I cannot identify overmuch, but I do feel bad that YOU feel bad, so first of all, Happy Birthday! It IS a milestone birthday. I face one down next time with 80th. I don't especially look forward to it, hee hee.
You say there aren't friends, or even family, and that you made certain your hubby knew (good idea and what I would know. A reminder "It's my birthday tomorrow" and so on.
Do consider forming those friends in this New Year. A good resolution. I am somewhat reclusive by nature. But I enjoy Facebook, keeping it down to people who are there for the reasons I am, Art, Photography, etc and NOT politics!!!! That's why there's only 70 of them and I know a bit about each for certain over these last 8 years. Media can be good for this.
Other than that, I haven't a lot of suggestions. I DO LOVE that you celebrated yourself by yourself and for yourself; I recommend it, with things that you love, that mean something to YOU.
Sometimes I think on these things as a "teaching" in that the world is FULL of suffering (as well as beauty). Sometimes you can't know what will "make someone's day. Practice a compliment a day. There's always something. Such as I might lean down while exiting the bus to tell someone she has wonderful hair, a wonderful haircut, something small.
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Nobody remembered my 65th birthday either. Well, nobody but my best friend of 63 years!!

My Dh forgot and as we were going to bed that night, he said "OH SH*T! Was it your birthday today?" Well, THAT was special :) He's remembered maybe half the time. He routinely forgets mother's day and our anniversary. So, I've come to expect nothing and I'm not disappointed. (Not true, of COURSE I'm disappointed)

Probably why I am SO anal about getting cards with a chunk of money in them to all my kids & their spouses. And get it to them EARLY AND call them on the day.

Oh--and even tho I said no one remembered, I did get a lot of 'love' from FB, but when you've added your birthdate to your profile, it takes some doing to ignore that prompt.
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Tothill Jan 2022
I do not have my birthday public on facebook. but one friend from childhood remembers. We have seen each other once since 1984, but I still get birthday greetings.
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happy birthday!!! :) :) :) :)
may all your bday wishes come true!!! :) :) :) :)
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Happy Belated Birthday.
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You forgot to invite me.

Congratulations on a milestone event!
And for decorating your own life as so many of us do.

It does not matter why your husband remembered, at his age, just showing up is all the celebration you get. And, you remembered your own birthday!

Your party sounded perfect!
It was not pathetic, except in your mind.
You made the best of a difficult year, good on you.

When is or was your birthday? If it was today, you are covered. See the What's for dinner thread, where I offered a Happy Birthday to everyone having a late December birthday.

Anyway, you sound like a good person able to celebrate! It is a party all month long!

Happy Birthday M. 💖

Thanks for showing up today! We have lots of birthday cake, from my dH's birthday. We will share, but do not have any candles or balloons this year.
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Hope your day was lovely!
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I'm sorry nobody remembered or celebrated your 65th birthday, that kind of sucks. HAPPY BIRTHDAY M!

Next year I think you should make a big deal over your birthday. Go find a very fancy French bakery & order an expensive cake for yourself. Then go buy yourself a gorgeous piece of jewelry from 'your husband' and put it on his credit card! Make reservations at a high end restaurant for the two of you and let DH know where you're going and what time to be ready to leave.

Screw it all. If they won't roll out the red carpet for the queen, ROLL IT OUT FOR YOURSELF! You're worth it! And don't ever forget it, either.
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M209 - Happy 65th Birthday!

I am glad you were born. Life is precious.

Birthdays are important to some, not so much to others. I knew a woman who didn't celebrate birthdays for religious reasons. Can't remember which religion.

Next year, do something special for yourself. For me, that would be sleeping in and no cooking. That's my gift to myself.
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SacFol Jan 2022
Seventh Day Adventists do not celebrate birthdays.
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Happy Birthday! My birthday is Thanksgiving week - every few years on Thanksgiving. Also deer season and I’m from a family of hunters. Never had much of a celebration. I’ve never considered it a big deal to not celebrant.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2021
I have the same birthday. When I was a kid it was always about Thanksgiving and never my birthday, when I moved out and was in control I had a four day weekend for my birthday every year.

I would be okay with no celebration if I was getting some fresh meat mmmmmmm!
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Awe Happy Birthday! maybe you could have friends online bc you obviously know how to use a computer! check out sites to see if there is any way you can do zoom, there may be others out there like you. it's worth a shot and you are worth being a friend to someone else.
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Happy Birthday!
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I’m sorry for your pain in this, no one wants to feel forgotten. I wish you the best in being able to seek out new relationships. And I wish you a very happy birthday!
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Bummer that you're upset about no one remembering. Who do you think could have expected to hear from on your birthday? Not trying to be mean, just curious. If I'm reading your message right you have no kids, no family near, no friends. Are there people that you keep in touch with regularly? People who you reach out to them when it's their birthday and keep track of how old they are? Personally I'm really bad at that.

If you want to have people in your life that will remember your milestones, you are going to have to cultivate some relationships to make it be that way.

Next year maybe plan a party for yourself and invite a few people. Have a nice dinner at your house or a local restaurant. In Europe, we had to bring treats in to the office for our co-workers to celebrate our birthdays. So switch it around and help others celebrate you!!
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Its hard. Birthdays are hard and holidays are harder. Seems everyone has a family, party or shindig. I think you have to find something that's special to you and make that a priority during those times. I think it has to be unique and not typical of celebration.

I'm an only with very few distant relatives. I only got one card in the mail....from my financial advisor. lol My now ex-husband would fill out paperwork for his job and would have to call me to double check my birthday. He never guessed right after 23 years. The last few years he would wait until a couple weeks into the month and just say that he was busy and that I should just go buy myself something for my birthday. Hallmark moment. The last year, I bought myself a divorce. Remembering with a $100 Cabelas gift card would have been much cheaper for him.
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I learned a long time ago to celebrate for myself. The way *I* want to spend the day/holiday. ❤ As others have suggested, are there other friendships you can cultivate through volunteering, attending local meetings etc even on Zoom? I hate social media but even our local historical societies Zoom their meetings now. It *is* a hard time to cultivate friends.
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Happy birthday! I don’t have any advice. I am glad you were born. Treat yourself well.
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Seems like you feel a little lonely. Please try to develop a few relationships with others. You might start to look for others with similar interests online or find local clubs and meet-ups. Next year could be different.
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My husband never celebrated birthdays as he grew up and will not celebrate now except for a happy birthday kiss. I was disappointed for a few years and then decided to celebrate myself . Now I buy an unnecessary, lovely gift for myself and I buy my own cake and I feel much better. He is awesome in so many other ways. My girlfriend’s husband was always buying her jewelry, flowers, expensive gifts and all of the while cheating on her. Happy Birthday. Treat yourself, it’s not too late.
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Same here. Also Christmas. Two sons ( my third passed) and neither thought of me or my birthday on the 13 th. I try to remember Christmas is for GIVING. I should not expect to be given anything. Maybe you and I should make a pact: on our birthdays to give something really special to someone who really needs it, like to our disabled Vets, to St Jude’s. It might be better for us mentally!!
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LMRLMR Jan 2022
Or maybe to each other!
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Happy Happy Birthday to you.
Jesus loves you more than anyone else in the world.

Focus on your blessings and yes treat yourself to a nice meal with husband. You are precious and worthy!!!!!!!

Every year plan the day for yourself and appreciate who you are.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Happy Birthday! I’m glad you treated yourself well and celebrated with flowers and a balloon. Every day you should treat yourself well and love yourself.

You asked how we stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I do so by trying to be kind to others. So in this case I would take it upon myself to remember someone else’s birthday. It doesn’t always take away all the sadness but it helps. And I don’t have any expectations that others will remember my birthday. I always remember to be kind to myself. While I also am also socially awkward, I try to be the one in the room that has a “job.” So if for example, if I decided to volunteer at a soup kitchen, I would be serving the coffee or volunteering to bake something or cleaning the dishes. That way I have a purpose and I can be around others without having to “be social” because I’m busy with a task. I don’t know if that makes sense.

Anyway happy birthday, and yes,
65 is a milestone! All my love!
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Who needs a birthday celebration? A birthday party is not food or oxygen, you can live without it.
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Happy Birthday!!!

It always meant something to me that my mom celebrated my birthday or at the very least remembered it, but with dementia, she doesn't even really understand who I am, let a lone know that it is my birthday. That has always been very sad to me, so I know how you feel.

I think you should come up with a ritual that you do on your birthday...something to look forward to. I don't know what you're into, so I am just tossing out ideas that may or may not appeal to you.... Go to a nice restaurant and order the fanciest dessert on the menu, make an appointment for a facial or a massage. Go to the book store and pick out a good book to start reading, sign up for a class teaching something that you have always wanted to learn like pottery or glass blowing or painting. It's your day...make it truly your day. Plan a roadtrip to a town you have never visited and have lunch in a cafe and just people watch.

65 is a milestone in your life. Make this year the start of something new! Once you take the bull by the horns and start doing things for yourself, I think the birthday blues will disappear :-)
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Happy Birthday to You! I am happy that you think enough of yourself to celebrate yourself on your birthday. Keep up with the positive self esteem year round. I too am a forgotten one. Even though I always help others no one ever thinks of me on my special days. I had low self esteem as a young person due to never having my worth acknowledged by family members. Now much much older and wiser I look back on my life and see that I have always been quite talented in many ways. Loving one's self and taking care of one's self should be the first thing we learn from others. But often they fail. Not our fault. Now I finally realize that I am captain of my ship so who the heck cares what anyone else thinks of how I steer it. Perhaps if you enjoy animals get yourself a rescue fur baby. Myself, I have always been closer to my dogs than people being quite an introvert. Why? Because they accept me as I am and never try to change me or tell me what is wrong with me. They just love you and you love them back.
Life is short - Love yourself. You have worth. And thank you for sharing with us.
Hope you have a great rest of today and every day!
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M209M209:

Happy Birthday to you!
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There are lots of good suggestions here. I would like to add something. If you are on Facebook, you can go to the search bar and find some groups that would interest you and make on-line friends there. When you add your birthday in the sign-up process, notifications appear on your birthday, and the new "friends" there will see this notification and send you Happy Birthday messages.
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I guess I'm a little surprised that someone else experiences this. In fact, this past Thanksgiving fell on my birthday. My oldest son and his wife had dinner at his house. I was of course invited. Had several family members there, even including my ex with whom I get along fine. Water under bridge. Not one person mentioned my birthday and I wasn't about to. But being invited means more so I suppose I've grown use to it. I mark everyone's birthday on a calendar so I don't forget. Maybe we put too much importance on an event we had very little control over. Maybe the mother should have a birthday for each child she has. For my two cents worth, drop a hint to others if it means that much. For me, it doesn't. My oldest son is actually my step son. I'd rather be invited to family gatherings than have someone remember a date I can't take credit for.
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Chlokara Jan 2022
But, what is wrong with saying, in a non-snarky way, "What a wonderful way to celebrate my birthday -- with such lovely people." I am sure you would have been given congratulations and good wishes. That is all that is necessary. Maybe next year someone would remember your birthday was somewhere around Thanksgiving.
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