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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Sweet caregiver, you just gently take mom by the hand and tell her you are afraid she will fall rushing to the bathroom. That you know it is hard to get there on time. So to help her you are upgrading her underwear. Then take all her normal underwear out of her drawer and replace with incontinence underpants, pull-ups, depend type product. (we don’t say diaper, although she might). Don’t put the regular underwear in another drawer or where it can be found. Best to hide until you can throw away. She may go on a search. Allow her a little upset if it occurs. It will pass. Leave her a clean pair near the commode and a garbage receptacle lined with a plastic bag. Ask her to tie it up after taking it off and put it in the outside garbage. Not knowing her mobility, ability to follow instructions etc. and if this seems like too many steps for her, just ask for her involvement where it is appropriate for her at this stage. You will be amazed at how soon she will adjust. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Remove all her clothe undies and provide her with only disposable briefs. You can tell her any "therapeutic fib" about why there are no more old undies, like putting on a pair yourself and telling her you wear them all the time and love them, etc. Constant cleaning will wear you down. Eventually she may become bowel incontinent as well. Preserve your energy regardless whether the facts embarrass her or not (and I'm sure you'll be very diplomatic about it).
I would also put down puppy pads in front of the toilet. Tape the edges to the floor. Definitely put her in diapers or depends and get rid of her underwear
It may be time to start looking at care homes for future reference. Once she becomes double incontinent, you've got a new problem and she's ready for full-time professional caregivers.
Yeah, get rid of anything except disposable sanitary garments, and “help” her with a fresh pair EVERY time.
As someone with dementia, she realistically may be unable to manage the skills necessary for the task anymore, and many times toileting management can become overwhelming to the in home caregiver.
Then too, if there’s any risk for UTIs you as caregiver need to be on top of that too.
Hopes that you can come up with a solution that works for both of you.
She's obviously not able to hold her pee until she gets to the toilet so I would just put a bedside commode next to wherever she is. If she's in the chair, put it next to her chair, and if she's in the bed, put it next to her bed. And time to throw away ALL of her underwear and replace them with only Depends, and make sure you call them her new underwear. And when she pees or poops in them, make sure you are changing them as that way she'll always have a clean Depends on. Now if that's just too much for you then it's time to have her placed in the appropriate facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she needs and you won't have to worry about changing her again.
Funky Grandma My mom would only have to stand for the pee to flow and she only needed help at that point. A bedside commode would have resulted in the same problem as she wouldn’t be able to get on it without standing up first. She was fine to walk to the bathroom. Even later with her walker. The problem was solved with the pull-ups after a period of her trying to stuff enough tp in her pants to catch it. She did have a bedside commode near her bed because she had CHF and was on diuretics and up several times during the night. But she looked at walking to the bathroom during the day as her much needed exercise and she stopped long enough both going and coming back to her chair to drink water in her kitchen, look out the window and read her mail or work on a puzzle at the kitchen table, She was never double incontinent. she would not have wanted a commode in her living room. She never needed help in the bathroom. Never left a dirty toilet. Always tied up her soiled ones and put them in a separate waste container. She couldn’t empty her bedside commode so she did have help with that.
My DH aunt switched right over to the new “step ins” as she called them when I changed them out. She has dementia and never believed she needed to change but would when asked. She thought she was dry and was always surprised to see that she wasn’t. She has absolutely no control now. She is also now bed bound and tells me that she doesn’t do it, it just comes. When she was home she did have to have help. In the beginning she would take total care of herself but little by little she needed more help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Don’t put the regular underwear in another drawer or where it can be found. Best to hide until you can throw away. She may go on a search. Allow her a little upset if it occurs. It will pass.
Leave her a clean pair near the commode and a garbage receptacle lined with a plastic bag. Ask her to tie it up after taking it off and put it in the outside garbage.
Not knowing her mobility, ability to follow instructions etc. and if this seems like too many steps for her, just ask for her involvement where it is appropriate for her at this stage.
You will be amazed at how soon she will adjust.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
As someone with dementia, she realistically may be unable to manage the skills necessary for the task anymore, and many times toileting management can become overwhelming to the in home caregiver.
Then too, if there’s any risk for UTIs you as caregiver need to be on top of that too.
Hopes that you can come up with a solution that works for both of you.
And time to throw away ALL of her underwear and replace them with only Depends, and make sure you call them her new underwear. And when she pees or poops in them, make sure you are changing them as that way she'll always have a clean Depends on.
Now if that's just too much for you then it's time to have her placed in the appropriate facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she needs and you won't have to worry about changing her again.
My mom would only have to stand for the pee to flow and she only needed help at that point. A bedside commode would have resulted in the same problem as she wouldn’t be able to get on it without standing up first. She was fine to walk to the bathroom. Even later with her walker. The problem was solved with the pull-ups after a period of her trying to stuff enough tp in her pants to catch it.
She did have a bedside commode near her bed because she had CHF and was on diuretics and up several times during the night. But she looked at walking to the bathroom during the day as her much needed exercise and she stopped long enough both going and coming back to her chair to drink water in her kitchen, look out the window and read her mail or work on a puzzle at the kitchen table,
She was never double incontinent. she would not have wanted a commode in her living room. She never needed help in the bathroom. Never left a dirty toilet. Always tied up her soiled ones and put them in a separate waste container. She couldn’t empty her bedside commode so she did have help with that.
My DH aunt switched right over to the new “step ins” as she called them when I changed them out. She has dementia and never believed she needed to change but would when asked. She thought she was dry and was always surprised to see that she wasn’t. She has absolutely no control now.
She is also now bed bound and tells me that she doesn’t do it, it just comes. When she was home she did have to have help. In the beginning she would take total care of herself but little by little she needed more help.
This will now be part of your 'assisted living' daily duties - unless there are others you share the load with.
Aging is not for sissies as they say 😖🤗