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I am not a great cook but I bake every week. Complains that food isn't good. What to cook? Fixing hot dogs and baked beans tonight which he will not like. I am 88yrs. old and getting tired of this. Not diagnosed but appears to be close to middle stage dementia. Sleeps well at night and a lot during the day.

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It may be he cannot afford to get new dentures. They are very expensive.

My Mum is 75 with her own teeth and weighs 75lbs. Having teeth isn’t only concern to eat. Maybe he has cancer so loosing weight or is forced to eat same boring foods so uninterested in foods.

Try eating with him as you two chat. Eating is very social. That is when my mother eats most.

There are countless foods to eat without teeth like high protein eggs, scrambled, omelette s is what my Mum’s doctor said to order. Soft Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, sweet mashed potato’s, mashed cauliflower, canned pears, shakes like Weight gain shakes that are delicious, Greek yogurt, sandwhich meat, hummus is super high in needed protien, and the soothing and wonderful soups like Vietnamese Pho with well done super thin meat. So he’s not loosing weight from not having teeth but from medical issue.

Make doctor’s appt so he or she can order blood test for cancer screening. My Mum lost all her weight from kidney cancer found accident ly when broke hip and had xray. Could also be from anxiety, depression, loss will to live, boring same food.

Remember, it’s their life and decision to not eat. But get medical attention to find out why, so you are not accused of starving him to death. Cover yourself.
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Was he always small or is 5’1” quiet a bit shorter for him? That weight probably good for his height. Has he lost a lot of weight? That’s a worry if he has. It isn’t so much that he is too thin but the trend should be followed.
Anything with liquid is good for him. My DH aunt, 96, likes the Fairlife protein drink in chocolate with whipped cream on top. With a straw makes it easier if he can use a straw. You can also add a banana or ice cream. Soups are always a good choice but not canned soup. Too much sodium. A good broth to drink is good and not too difficult to make. Aunt likes sandwiches as they are easier for her to eat. She hasn’t worn her dentures in years. Might be a hard transition for him at this stage if he has always worn his. She liked to snack when she was at home. Peanut butter on hi-hos, Nutter butter with the little cookies. The “little cuties” small mandarin oranges. Deviled eggs. Pimento cheese. we would make sandwiches and cut them to finger size. Serve with cottage cheese with peaches. she also liked fruit salad. Just old fashioned simple recipe of fruit cocktail, mandarin oranges, sour cream, small marshmallows. Coconut. Jello is sometimes enjoyed. Small pudding cups. Little Debbie’s oatmeal cookies or similar soft cookie with a glass of milk or juice. If she ate a couple of eggs for breakfast with a sausage patty, a slice of toast with jelly and her coffee, I didn’t worry too much about the rest of the day.
Does he go to sleep right away when he goes to bed in the evening? You might get him to sleep and then get back up.
Do speak to his doctor about his anger. With high BP it might be worth it to give him a calming Med. Also if he won’t go to the dentist but does go to a primary, ask them to check inside his mouth to make sure there are no issues.
He would qualify for home health through Medicare which would help you as well. A nurse to sort his pills and a bath aide to bath him and shampoo his hair for you. Change his bed sheets, check his vitals. He might resist in the beginning but the more help you get the longer he will be able to remain at home if that is your goal. Be sure to take care of you too. don’t worry about being a good cook. He is 94, you must have done something right!🤗
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As my dad aged it took stronger flavors for him to like many foods. It seemed his taste buds dulled. He developed a huge love of sweets and liked salty foods. Even his cardiologist stopped fighting it and said to let him enjoy what he wanted. Don’t bother with new dentures, most likely that would be an expensive waste of money and effort. Let him have what he wants without bothering to argue. If he will drink Ensure or Boost add some of it to his diet. Let him sleep as he wants. I hope you’ve got help, you need time to care for you too. Call the Area Agency on Aging in your town and ask them to come do a needs assessment.
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Daphne131 Feb 2023
Great response there. Very helpful.
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I would not pressure him to get new dentures.
If he has "mid stage" dementia there is a possibility that before very much longer he will be needing his food minced up or possibly pureed so dentures will be useless.
There is also a possibility that with the dentures if they are not fitting properly food may become lodged and present a choke hazard without you even realizing it.
And if you do have to place him for whatever reason dentures seem to get lost pretty often given the number of posts I see....dentures and hearing aids.
If he has lost a lot of weight recently that might be an indication of other things going on.
If foods do not taste good to him that could be due to a variety of reasons.
Something as simple as a cold. If he has problems with allergies or a sinus infection that can effect taste. With dementia there might also be the possibility that he does not "know" how something is supposed to taste. He might not "know" something tastes good.
Are there things he likes? If so give him what he likes. Who cares if he has a bowl of ice cream for lunch.
If you want to make things "healthy" and he likes ice cream freeze yogurt and blend it with fruits (or freeze the yogurts with fruit in them)
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It sounds as though he is losing appetite for almost anything, and at his age, with his dementia, this is not unusual, and in fact it can also involve some swallow problems. He now requires a mechanical soft diet, I would imagine, but little of that is palatable. I would not push him. I would concentrate on things he likes. Applesauce souped up to look nice, a milkshake--these things can go a long way. At this point you would be surprised how little it takes to keep one alive. Consider talking with doc about some powdered supplements that may be able to be mixed into those things he loves, like soft ice cream. Wishing you the best.
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Maybe time to place him. I would say LTC with his problems. The Dementia will only worsen. Can u care for him if he becomes incontinent or want to. If money is a problem, there is Medicaid. You see an elder lawyer and have your assets split. Place DH in care and when his split is almost gone, you apply for Medicaid. You then become the Community Spouse, get to stay in the home, get a car and enough or all of your monthly income to live off of.

The last thing my DH wants is to be placed in a NH. I have told him I will care for him as long as I am able but he is not a small man. I did not promise him.
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Just read your profile. You sound exhausted! I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Do you have any outside help? This is too much for one person to do. I don’t know how you are able to keep up with all of this on a daily basis.

Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area?
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As we age we lose our sense of taste and smell, so nothing tastes like much of anything by 94. It isn't on you, so just ignore him.
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Daphne131 Feb 2023
Ignoring his failure to eat is elder abuse/neglect. You must notify his doctor so they know or you can be arrested for letting him starve to death. Doctor can run blood test for cancer then you have an understanding. Caregivers need to cover themselves too.
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