At present he requires medical intervention and physical therapy. He has nephroscopy bags and needs assistance with dressing and bathroom visits. He also has an increasing confusion, mostly at night. He would come home with occasional hospice visits and some home healthcare. Would I be doing him a disservice by taking him away from his facility with 24/7 care or is it more important to let him come home to be in his familiar environment. There are no other family members willing to help. Whatever decision is made I will be the one living with that.
My dad died last March in his memory care assisted living facility. My sister and I stayed with him constantly his last few days and likely your dad's VA hospice facility will allow you to stay with him as much as you can.
Best wishes for whatever you decide to do. This is a hard time with difficult decisions to make.
I know you want to satisfy his desires but is that what is truly best for him? I think you have to think about the reality of the real possibilities of serious harm to his wellbeing. That’s how I would feel and I would use that to determine my answer. In your dad’s case, I honestly feel that he needs more care than you can provide.
Yes, of course you would provide the best emotional support for him but I don’t think it would be possible to provide the intense medical support that he clearly needs. So, I would lean towards being practical and following your head instead of your heart.
One consideration is that you just have no way to know how long he will last. Days? Sure, you could handle that. Weeks? Maybe. Months? Absolutely not.
You do have to consider yourself and your needs first.