She is no longer able to go upstairs and has no access to a shower. We want to ad rails at her toilet but he thinks it’s safer for her to have a toilet seat attached to her walker?? Also she doesn’t have a decent bedroom - her bed is in a room with boxes of our fathers junk and no door or window blinds. Our father will not listen to us and only wants to do things his way. Our mother just lets him do what he wants and doesn’t advocate for herself. She never advocated for her health and this is why she is in the condition she is in. We are at our wits end with them both. My sister lives 4 hours from them and comes to clean their house and tries to get my father to do what’s best for my mother but he becomes nasty and tells her to mind her business. I live 5000 km away with good reason but I still want my mother to live in a safe and healthy environment. What do I do?
Unfortunatly this also includes making very poor decisions resulting in unsafe or unclean environments.
From thr net: Diogenes syndrome, (senile squalor syndrome) is a disorder characterized by extreme self-neglect, domestic squalor, social withdrawal, apathy, compulsive hoarding of garbage or animals, and a lack of shame.
Caused by long-time mental health/depression, other health conditions, cognitive decline z whi knows.
My Doctor called it 'The Right to Rot'.
Talk to their Doctor (if you can) & report. Otherwise report to Police for regular welfare checks & APS.
"Our mother just lets him do what he wants and doesn’t advocate for herself. She never advocated for her health and this is why she is in the condition she is in... I still want my mother to live in a safe and healthy environment"
Your Mother doesn't seem to want this for herself. You keep wanting her to be somebody she never was. This is why you need to stop helping. Let APS get involved.
Your sister needs to stop providing for them. It’s not working and only prolonging the problem.
Whatever you do, don’t take them into your home. Their sickness is beyond what you can handle now.