My father is developing dementia and I’m trying to learn about it. I live far away. What is the prognosis?

You do not say what type of dementia your father is developing? Is he not yet diagnosed? I think your best bet is to either purchase a comprehensive beginners book from Amazon or another source, or google (or other search engine) to look at dementia online. It is an exceptionally complex disorder, with many differing manifestations and symptoms. I hope others can point you to a good general site to begin online and to a good book. Good luck. Do stick around on the forum, and it may give you ideas for specific questions. Does your father have a support system where he lives? Is he aware that he is experiencing some failure mentally?
Welcome to the forum.

Gracie, AlvaDeer asks some necessary questions so I hope you can provide more information, which will help the crowdsource recommendations from this forum be more specific to your situation.

- what is causing you to think he is developing dementia?
- do you have contact with anyone local to him that may be able to have eyes on his situation?
- he is recently widowed...do you think it possible he is depressed?

Teepa Snow has some very insightful videos on dementia on YouTube. Regarding the fact you are not local to him: at some point you must plan to go and spend about a week (or long weekend) with him to truly assess his situation, arrange for a durable PoA for him and other critical legal paperwork, have necessary discussions with him about his care going forward, act to find, organize and protect his sensitive info (SSN, banking, driver's license, health insurance/Medicare, prescriptions, passport, passwords, etc). You need to be there during the week if you need appointments with docs, lawyers, bankers, SSA, etc.

This forum is extremely helpful. Questions that include lots of details really help you get very specific answers. Just be aware that rules and laws can differ significantly from state to state. I wish you all the best and hope you will let us know how it is going.

Dear Gracie77,
There is no cure. It's a progressive disease but, many live for even as long as ten years or more. The first thing that would be helpful for you to know is what type of "dementia" he has. Alzheimer's-related dementia is the most common but, there are so many others and they can differ from one to another. You can always call the "Alzheimer's Association" 24/7 hotline as well. I have many times for various situations over the past four months. The number is 1-800-279-3900. Good luck as I know this will be difficult for both of you living so far away from each other. Keep us posted when you can!

Welcome Gracie77. This is a great place to get support and share. I agree about finding out what condition is causing your father's condition. For example, does he have Alzheimers, Parkinsons, or Vascular Dementia. Different conditions can cause dementia. Based on the cause, you might be able to gather more specific information about it and its prognosis.

I lived three states away from my folks as my fathers dementia got worse. I started getting prepared early on. Much of this I had to do stealthily, going through papers, finances etc because dad would have had a fit but he was no longer able to keep track of bills and finances. It took me a year to figure it all out.

If you are the sole caregiver try and get a POA while he is still competent.

Start a notebook about all things parent related. All the medical stuff, finances, local tradesmen and contact info with everyone he deals with.

This will just get worse. I hope you have someone locally to help. I did not.

Hi Gracie, There are several things to know which will help your new relationship with your Dad. One is that he may tell you something and 20 minutes later tell you, or someone else something completely different about the same thing. He is NOT lying. He is completely being truthful in that moment. That is probably one of the most important things to remember. He loves you is and doing his best. And he is still Dad and very smart. My sister and I had some issues because Mom was telling us 2 different things so we both thought she wanted different things. What she really wanted was to just be happy in the moment she was in. It is easy to get angry or think you're on a changeable roller coaster, so please, just step back and understand it is the dementia and he is in that moment. He really will not know he is doing this so it is largely up to you to keep your compassion and composure. I was fortunate to have a dear new friend in my life who had spent several years running a home for dementia patients. She, and her husband, had a wealth of knowledge which they imparted to me. This was the one things that, looking back, help me the most. Mom was super sharp in many ways up to the end. She spoke of her mind not working right and how frustrating it was. I just held her hand and said, it's all right mom, I am right here and we are doing just fine. Those years of caring for her, just holding her hand and listening to her life and her stories, her humor and intelligence were the dearest years of my life with her. She was my rock and now I was hers. Also it will help to make sure your Dad is going to be in the living environment which will be the most stable and consistent for him. AND, if he is in a residential facility ever, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN to the staff when they tell you he does not want to eat or drink. The food is lousy at ALL these places, there are regulations, which are horrid set up by the government, which makes it cheaper and ridiculously unhealthy. My mom was there, upon my sister's insistence, about half the time and the rest of the time she was with me at home and she ate like a little piggy. She also would tell them she wasn't hungry and then call me up saying they were not feeding her and she was hungry. She would call and ask me to bring her something. From Outback steak house, home cooking, KFC, to Applebee's tomato bisque soup there I'd go. Twice she was at death's door (very seriously, and I call my dear friend and we basically rescued her, got her healthy food she like and she'd rally and was happy for it. The excuse was that was just what happens when dementia patients are going to pass and I should just let the natural occur. Damn with them and their idea of natural. Then they'd tell me she was with it enough to make her own food choices, in spite of the fact she had worsening dementia. Oh I learned an awful lot about the system. By the way, this was in an A number 1, expensive, assisted living facility. She had diabetes and they gave the folks there so much sugar I had to go many times to have dinner with her so she would make better choices. Dementia kind of puts the patients normal logic right out the window. Mom would salt her food, for instance, and then re-salt and re-salt. She'd get pretty mad for removing the salt shaker. It was hard but develop a kind, tough skin. I finally got them to use salt alt. She was smart, witty and had a blast fooling everyone. Sad and funny. Worth every moment. So I say, become very familiar with his doctor, make sure he is on a memory enhancing drug. Mom's was Aricept and a miracle like the movie Awakenings for long time and kept us out of the places dementia can go. I've seen this work remarkably on others. Web page Medications for Memory: https://alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/treatments/medications-for-memory. There is not cure but there is much help and joy also. Hope he can be close to you. Please get support system for you too! Very important! Much deep caring to you.

How do you know he's developing dementia? Is he forgetful? Does he have trouble with words? Is he not able to complete tasks he once did? Dementia refers to symptoms, it is not a disease. There are over 70 different causes of dementia. Your father needs to be referred to a neurologist to get a definite diagnosis. There are many books that address the various causes of dementia, but until you actually know the cause, you won't know what to research. I would start by simply googling the word "dementia". You'll find many websites to visit. Teepa Snow and Careblazers are a couple you'll find on YouTube. Webmd and Mayo clinic also are good resources.