I'm feeling like I'm at my wits end with everything ongoing. I have only been taking care of my grandmother for 7 months, but I had left healthcare job due to burnout, probably attributed to deep acting, surface acting, and trying my best at work with little result. I feel like I lost my identity 2 years ago.
My grandmother is demanding but generally 'easy' to care for and her usual self she also tends to be very hardheaded and ignore lots of compliments I used to give.
I'm feeling really exhausted and frustrated, my mum too. Everyone's telling me to think about myself and future career. I doubt I can return to healthcare with my mental status and I am trying to continue courses I took online. There are plenty of disruptions, too.
My grandma refuses to go to a nursing home, I just want to go back home but she is fall risk and I've thought of trying to get a job near her just in case if that happens, but there are many factors.
It's likely she might go to the nursing home, I'm really tired of committing.
Does she have dementia ? Is she competent to make her own decisions ?
What care does she need ? She doesn’t sound “ easy “.
You are young and should be thinking about yourself, your job, your life . Go back to school if you want a new career. I retired early from a 35 year nursing career, burned out due to caregiving for my parents for over a decade while working part time at my job . Working part time so I could care for my parents greatly effected the amount I saved for my own retirement . I didn’t think my parents would live so long but they did . I was lucky to have a supportive husband .
Where is your mum ? Is she staying there with grandma too ? Have you told your mum and grandmother you need to leave ? You don’t have to stay. You can leave . A grandchild should not be stuck with this.
Your mum , will have to figure it out .
If you were my adult child I would want you to leave and take care of you and get help for your mental health , finish up your classes . Take back your own life .
Grandma has lived her life. Your life doesn’t have to be ruined because she’s stubborn.
If grandma is competent and refuses to go to a nursing home then so be it . If she falls , she falls . She could fall in a nursing home too if she decides to walk without assistance . Elderly people fall all the time. You can’t stop it .
When grandma falls and ends up in the ER your mum tells the hospital that there is no one to help her at home anymore and she needs to go in the nursing home and , Mum refuses to bring her home .
Either way you should leave now . You are at your wits end. It sounds like you were the convenient solution because you had left your job . You don’t have to be the solution any longer. Now it’s mum’s problem. Without you there as the solution, grandma and mum will have to make a change.
Good Luck .
Just that some things can cause issues, like when she stands to walk without locking wheelchair (it's hard for her so I usually make sure to) and she goes to do things.
She has Chronic Kidney Disease too, stage 4 and Diabetes. Only ok with medication but refuses dialysis and appointments, anything to do with hospitals.
I admire you for keeping going so long. And truly appreciate your response. This hits home.
We had told the hospital last round, ours weren't 'serious' and we had to do it outpatient way (sorry I am reading along as I write) and thankfully the person was nice, though tomorrow we will let her move back and try, it's immediate send to nursing home after.
So true that they will fall regardless. I was always on high alert to ensure they don't and try help get their wants or need met (whatever my role allowed anyway)
Sorry for the long winded reply. Wanted to have a proper read, as well as to acknowledge. Thank you.
Being a fall risk is not enough of a reason to keep her out of a facility because plenty of elders fall in their own homes. My Aunt did. Three times, in the presence of family caregivers.
Hope your aunt is in a happy place now. Bless.
I would also consider it to be a buffer, as I had an identity crisis but now sort of managing better.
We will send her home tomorrow, there's community by her, may be better but if things don't work she will be sent home. Truly appreciate your concern.
and then go stay with a friend for a week or take a vacation. It’s time for you to end this. Good luck.
My grandma will try moving back home tomorrow. Fingers crossed. Thank you.