My mom is now bedridden and incontenent. My dad is showing similar signs that she did like forgetting everything, misplacing items daily, and repeating everything over and over again. I am the only child and live with them to help with care, but I work full time and won’t spend my retirement caring for them.
Your parents should not be left alone if Dad can no longer care for Mom. You may want to call Office of Aging to evaluate your situation and help you find resources. I would say Moms ready for a Longterm facility. Dad maybe Memory Care.
I had no intention to do hands on care for my folks which is why I wanted those POAs in place originally. My intent all along was to get them into IL and then AL when they became unable to live alone in IL. I needed to have the ability TO make those decisions FOR them, and that's why POA was required. Also to make all those financial decisions as to how their money would be spent over a 10 year period when they could no longer manage their own money. As financial POA, I was NOT responsible for any of their bills.........just for how their funds would be SPENT, that's important to note.
POAs can be your best friend, especially since you do not want to do hands on care FOR your folks during your retirement years. How else will you go about placing them in managed care w/o those POAs in effect? As POA for mom (after dad died), I got her into Memory Care AL due to her advancing dementia; as her POA, I had the power to make ALL of her decisions since she was incapacitated to do so. I was able to oversee all of her care and get all the medical info pertinent TO her care as her POA. W/o that document, only God knows what would've happened!
See an Elder Care attorney who can explain all this to you much better than I can, and much better than anyone here on the forum can. It'll be the best couple of hundred bucks you've ever spent.
Good luck.
We did not have that experience when the doctors decided my brother was suddenly dying.
Fortunately we were able to navigate that disaster with the help of others who understood our need to help our brother.
It is almost three years later and our brother has been making his own decisions again for two years now.
It does not mean you have to personally care for them.
It means you decide... do you hire, using their money, their assets, caregivers that come into the house OR do you place them in a facility that will meet their needs. That could mean Memory Care or Skilled Nursing if that is what they need.
The bottom line is you manage their money so that it goes as far as it can paying for their care. It means you manage their medical care. That can mean anything from you personally taking them to appointments or getting in home visits, to selecting Hospice to hiring a Care Manager that will report to you. (and parents pay for Care Manager)
I honestly cannot imagine what you are going to do now, given you have putt he cart before the horse and have taken your parents into your home. Legally that makes it THEIR home whether they pay rent for it or not
You have painted yourself into a very bad corner indeed. I suggest you see an elder law attorney to find out that your options are now. You have taken on so much that it may be too late to step away without charges of abandonment. You cannot take in people who are nearly helpless, then wait until they ARE helpless and say "Whoops; only kidding. Out you go".
I wish you every luck and I hope you will update us on what advice you get.
Without a POA, you have no power at all, even if you are very dissatisfied with what is happening with your parents. That includes if you think that your inheritance is being ripped off.
There are middle steps you need to know about, between ‘washing your hands’ of it all, and ‘taking on the burden’ yourself in person. Do some more checking before you make these decisions.
I had no one but myself to be responsible too, but as my mother’s ONLY legal representative, the POA designation made everything easier, and not more complicated.
Do a little research before you decide…..
I was also my Mom's Executor, and Health Care Proxy. My siblings were not involved. Each year, Mom and I would review these important documents, including her obituary. We would then sign and date a sheet noting we did this. I wanted to give her a sense of engagment and have a record that she was aware of what was going on. When she passed, I knew what I had to do.
The decline with your parents will sadly continue, and you need to decide what is best for them and for you. Having the POA is a tool to help you do just that. Please see your attorney.
POA doesn’t mean you personally take care of them, You either hire someone (using their funds) or place them in a facility (using their funds or applying for Medicaid if they don’t have funds). But you can’t apply for Medicaid for them or direct any of their funds unless you first have POA.
See an elder care attorney ASAP, so you can control what happens to your parents. You need to have an understanding of how this system works to make proper decisions.
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