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I’m confused with the role of agent. I’m doing and sacrificing, but my mom can't bless me because it might look bad. All my family members have taken money (over $7,000) each and property and that’s all good. I left my home and business to be here for her and she wants me to have the home. She wanted that before I moved. So can I be co-owner? Do I have any options at all.


Do I take out money I’ve spent on her now, as I go, or at the end? I’m considering putting the house in a trust with money market accounts. Any suggestions? Yes, I’ve called 3 attorneys and no return calls. Maybe they are in the Caribbean for the holidays or overworked, but just don’t get it.

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So, by "agent" you mean that you are her durable power of attorney" (update is buried in the answers).

Who told you that because you are her DPOA you can't inherit her house?

Or do you mean that you are unable to change her will?
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What kind of agent are you?
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Why did your siblings take your mother’s money? What if she needs that money for her care? Your profile says that your mom has Alzheimer’s disease.
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You left your home and your business? Lots of parents want their caregiver child to get this or that (often the house), yet they never do anything to put it in writing.

Please consult an attorney. I hope you do get the house.
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Mom should have Willed you the house before her Dementia was diagnosed. At this point she is not capable of signing a contract. She has to understand what she is signing. If she does understand what she is signing, then she can Will u the house.

Being POA has nothing to do with you not getting the house, its your Moms mental status. I was POA and I still inherited. Being POA does not mean u can't inherit. When you gave up your life for Mom, you should have had an agreement in writing then. She could have Willed it to you. She could have turned it over to you with a stipulation she lived there till her death and hope she didn't need Medicaid within 5 years, or set up a trust.

Never ever let someone promise u something without it in writing. My MIL was told to put a codicil on her Will if there was anyone she wanted to give certain things to. She asked us all and never did the codicil. So when she died people came out of the wood work saying they were promised pieces of furniture, the car, etc. She had told a cleaning lady she could have the guest bedroom set when she died. Well, that was promised to me. The car? More than one family member was promised that. My grandson for one. We never found out why, but my niece got it. Her Dad was POA/Executor. If it all was in writing and notarized, the right people would have gotten what was promised.
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Not trying to be rude but, you have been there for 7 months and decide to seek legal advice the week between Christmas and New Year's and are upset because you haven't received a return call?

I would temper my expectations before I speak with an attorney. Most of them do not want problem clients and this is not going to financially enrich them enough to put up with any unrealistic expectations or attitude because they took a holiday with their families.

I know you are frustrated but, it takes time to sort anything out through the law, even just simple paperwork or letters take time.
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Bombmom Jan 2023
Thank you for pre judging a situation you really don’t know about. Actually I have traveled from SC to Tn for 3 yrs now. I took care of my dad until he passed from dementia. I NEVER asked for or would have accepted compensation for caring for my dad or my mom. While my 2 siblings who live within 5 miles refused to help my 86 yr old mom. She would call my bro to stop by before work to help her change his diaper so he would be dry or clean until hospice worker came later in the day when I wasn’t there, but my brother could not do that even though he drove right by the house was retired and working for cash. As soon as my dad passed he raided the barn, tools, trailers etc. My sister has a pill problem and she too had more excuses than time to help my mom unless she was getting paid and then steal any meds she could get her hands on. Due to living out of state I believed my mom when she said they were taking care of her. Yes I’m frustrated, but it isn’t about the house per -say. So I wanted to move my mom to SC where I love and have built my home there. I rent, but nonetheless working on buying a home. My mom had mentioned leaving me the house yrs ago. I said thanks mom, but I never said,”put it in writing” I am the one who never lived off my parents. I’ve raised 5 children single, put in private school through 12th grade. I paid for alone, adopted 2 children privately not through the state and even helped family members when I could. I broke my back so my life changed financially.
when I found out my mom was being neglected by my sister /brother who lived by her I came here immediately and yes I asserted the POA and all their underhanded dealing were stopped. I gave up my business because running back and forth even when I could take with wasn’t fair to her, my boss and wearing me out. She has dementia, but like I said she has always wanted me to have the house. I’d buy the house, but with financing now it would be a hardship on me. While my mom has money I pay for many little things because I hate to use her money for the little things as her illness progresses, but it adds up. My bro/sister wants there money in her assets. B4 I got here she wrote out checks for $10,000 to bro, $17,000 to grandson, a granddaughter stole 1.55 acres worth over $50,000. $6,000 for a car for great grandson. All people within 5 miles. They manipulated her and even threatened her if she didn’t comply. Yes, I’m frustrated and pist off my family did this to someone who has given her (my dad’s) whole life. No matter what my mom wants it’s irrelevant due to her diagnosis and now the vultures want to take what’s left. My bro who wouldn’t even help my mom change my dad’s pull up was coming over for 5 yrs and getting monthly checks from $200 - $500 a month. Every month while my dad was sick UNTIL he could no longer write checks. So before you judge a comment like you know my intentions please ask. It’s insulting weather you meant it to be or not. Like I said I’m not a thief and if I took off what they have scammed from my mom their part of the house would be null. Sadly life is not favorable for the honest people. I’m stuck in the
middle. My mom has sound of mind and wants me to have the house, but once an attorney hears she has been diagnosed they shut the door. Have a great day!
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Her Durable Power of Attorney
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I was DPOA for my mother. She quitclaimed her house to me via a Ladybird Deed. That means that the property passed to me automatically upon her death. A lawyer oversaw the process, which was simple and quick. This was in Florida. If a Ladybird Deed isn’t available in your state, she can still quitclaim her home to you. It’s an easy transfer of ownership that takes place upon signing of the papers. Keep calling lawyers, and if you can’t get one to call back, speak with a paralegal or his assistant to get things rolling.
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MargaretMcKen Dec 2022
Unfortunately this is still an issue if M is no longer legally competent. Plus, obviously, it depends on who is going to challenge it!
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It’s true that as POA you shouldn’t make ‘gifts’ to yourself, particularly if your mother is no longer legally competent. However the chances are that the ‘gifts’ she made to your family members should be challenged too, if your mother was no longer legally competent because of her dementia when she made them. It’s a very tricky situation.

One important thing is whether everyone except you got a ‘gift’, and whether there is anyone else who might hold out their hand for money and challenge a ‘gift’ to you (or to the other recipients). In other words, is everyone in the same leaky boat, or are there other pirates out there who might want a cut.

A second important thing is whether you are the Executor of your mother’s will, or whether there is another third party (particularly a corporate executor company) involved that way in the leaky boat as well.

This is definitely one for a lawyer, including one who knows the rules about Medicaid look-back.

If everything adds up right (everyone with an interest is in the same leaky boat) it’s possible that you could have a deed drawn up agreeing that a gift to you and to the other family members won’t be challenged because you all know that it would be what your mother wanted.

Think about all that, and then see a the lawyer. Good luck!
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Even if she has Alzheimers or one of the other dementias, she could be capable of signing important documents. That's up to the lawyer to determine at the time. Lawyers are trained to decide if a person has the capacity to understand and if so, they allow them to sign. So you can't just decide someone doesn't have the capacity. For instance, the person might not be able to state the name of the US president, but know very well why they're in the lawyer's office and understand a document that's going to be notarized. Dementia doesn't mean total incompetence as soon as it's diagnosed. People with dementia drive, shop, use computers, and take care of themselves - until they can't anymore.
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MargaretMcKen Dec 2022
A lawyer can choose to go ahead with documents for signature, but if it's challenged they may end up in the witness box justifying their belief that mother had 'the capacity to understand'. It's still important for you (and for the lawyer) to know if it is likely to be challenged. My guess is that any lawyer who knew it was likely to be challenged would back off at the speed of knots. Witness fees aren't much of a living wage!

My law degree contained absolutely no training 'to decide if a person has the capacity to understand and sign', and I have no idea where and how it could be included in the degree. Lawyers who know the family well are often willing to make a guess, but I'd still recommend checking the 'leaky boat' issues, just to be prudent. A POA's substantial gift to self is not a small issue, and certainly ought to be questioned by an arms-length Executor dealing with the estate. It's a good idea to have an answer ready.
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