She has dementia and has been hallucinating by way of stating imagery that isn’t accurate (like places she has been). Otherwise, she responds in her usual way. I came back from exercising yesterday and she had come downstairs from her bedroom and situated herself in the den, which was delightful for me. She uses a walker and sometimes a cane for shorter distances. I will be resuming my teaching duties after Christmas break and worried she has declined (or is it the winter weather). We didn’t take any road trips, short or long during my break, much to my chagrin. I took her to get her hair done two days ago. she does not have a caregiver while I am school because of desire not to have someone, unlike last school year when she was recovering from falls. I have allot of anxiety at school when she doesn’t pick up the landline and have wrangled with dashing home, etc. to check on things. I would have had a caregiver start 12 days ago but since I was home for break, I told the agency head I really didn’t want this “good” new lady until I restarted school. Now the woman has taken another position and I am back where I was with mom being alone. I have family and a lady lined up just to drop by for an hour a couple of the weekdays.
I am berating myself for looking a gift horse in the mouth.
I think the poster is Alex and 53 years old and male.
I would insist your mother have a caregiver while you are gone during the day, b/c there are WAY too many things that can go wrong while she is alone with dementia. Having people lined up for 'an hour a couple of the weekdays' is not enough, I'm afraid, as anyone who's cared for an elder with dementia can tell you.
In your last post, you were given good advice to have your mother checked out for a stroke, a UTI, or other health events that could have taken place causing her exhaustion and new behaviors. That advice I will again suggest to you, and that you don't chalk things off to winter weather, which is a dangerous thing to do with an elder who's acting 'off'.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
To reiterate: your mother is NOT exhibiting signs of 'mild dementia' at ALL and should be seen by her doctor right away.
Best of luck.
In the meantime get some cameras installed to monitor her while you are gone. An alert can be set up for motion. We purchased ours from Amazon. Helps a great deal.
Make sure mom's primary diagnosed her correctly.
Yes, you need to check for a UTI. Most of women expect the symptoms of pain that they give when you are young, but for the elderly the symptoms are quite different (and so are the causes!). Click on Care Topics at the top right of the screen, then U for UTI for more details.
If you aren’t willing to hire a carer for longer hours, you could check other posters’ good experience with in- home cameras that let you see the places that your mother could visit in the house, and make sure that she seems OK. There’s lots of information on the site. Click on the magnifying glass symbol at the top right of the screen, and then search for ‘camera monitoring’. Best wishes, Margaret
Any way to make a downstairs room a bedroom for her so that her movement is contained to only one floor?
Cameras on both floors will help to locate her in the house when she doesn't answer the phone. A definite install is in order even if you have someone coming in as hired help. Will ease your mind to know what's going on at any given time.
Is there someone else that you can call upon to help you plan for getting your mom the care that she needs? Perhaps a sibling or an aunt or uncle?
Don't beat yourself up about the missed opportunity. The potential caregiver might have been "good", however, unless you and your Mom actually experience her, you will not know if it is a good fit or not. A person who is a good fit for one person can be a bad fit for another. Fit isn't all about skill and personality. Especially with dementia, some nasty behaviors can appear and take everyone by surprise.
Don't think that the only time that you need a caregiver is when you are at school. Once you find someone whom you can rely on, utilize her services so that you can plan without interruption, do research, dream, relax, go to a restaurant that you've never been to before, take care of yourself by getting your eyes examined or get your physical or go to the dentist or....
...and while you are at it, make sure you have a backup caregiver. Give them some regular time so that they can stay up-to-date with what is going on and get used to your Mom and her schedule. That way, if the first caregiver has an emergency or is unable to appear, you have a backup available.
Have you talked to the doctor about the "abnormally lethargic"? Does your Mom seem more alert if you are around? Could she be depressed? Does she really need a caregiver or just need a companion? Maybe you could enroll her in senior day care instead of providing a daytime caregiver (for me, it was much less expensive for the daytime senior care than an at home caregiver). If you enrolled her in senior day care, she would have something different to experience each day and she would be in a "safe" place.
I enrolled my mother in senior day care when she was a fall risk (at that time, we didn't know she had dementia). The first one was a little too "old" for her, about 1/4 of the people had to be fed. The second one was just right as they had games and exercise, and contests, etc. The program director, who was retired and male and looked like he was in his 50s, chatted up all the ladies and they all got such a kick out of the attention he gave each of them. He'd even dance with them while the others watched. The plus to the day care besides the day to day activity is that you pay by the day or the week, not by the hour.
Just thoughts....
You need to get back on track with your own teaching career to earn money and care for your Own family for your upbeat life ahead of you.