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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Make an appointment THIS WEEK for your Mom. This is a sudden change and you may be dealing with a urinary tract infection. You may be seeing the result of a recent small stroke. Any sudden change is reportable to the MD.
Unless you already know a medical reason for the sudden decline in function, she needs to be seen by her doctor for an updated evaluation as that’s a huge change in such a short time. I’ve seen and cleaned both my parents in adult undergarments. There’s nothing easy about it, it’s a huge shift in the parent-adult child dynamic. You really have to change yourself to see them as a fellow human in need, and simply have compassion for them in that vulnerable position of needing such help. None of us knows what the future holds for ourselves and it may be you or I in such need one day. I’d personally hope to have professional help in such a circumstance and hope you’ll look into this if you haven’t already
You are totally right. It changes the dynamics. You hit the nail on the head. It is more than a simple human in need tho. I mean, I don't think I can clean, change a stranger, maybe that aspect of "a human in need" might kick in but I certainly hope I don't end up having to do that but my mom.. well is my mom..
Hi.. I understand your concern. I am a primary care giver to my mom. That means the whole thing. Bathing, cleaning her up, changing soiled pull ups constantly, feeding.. everything. Yes I have attendants here and there but mainly they are unreliable but that's another story.
Read what daughterof1930 said. She is correct..
I hope one day. We hope to have someone like myself, you, daughterof1930 give, attend to just like we did when and if we get to that point..
I simply say this to myself.. She (my mom) took care of me when I couldn't.. now I take care of her when she can't..
I had to get passed the thought of having to see her and clean her but... thats my mom. I got passed that. You will too but it won't be easy but it can be done. I'm a testament to that.
Kudos to you for being a caregiver for your mom. I am also a son who did the same. It was uncomfortable at first when it became clear she needed more assistance going to the bathroom. She very rarely complained when I wiped her behind and put Calmoseptine on to prevent pressure ulcers. This happened three times a day, and more if needed (Clean pull-ups everytime). Most of the time I would give her wipes or a warm cloth to clean her front, but sometimes I helped. With the pull-ups, I would say, "You pull-up the front, I'll pull-up the the back." The process worked.
Many times I asked her, "Do you mind that I do this?" Her response was "No." She was always an independent woman, and I suspect it did bother her somewhat. What made things much easier was having a portable commode in the bedroom, with some pads placed underneath in case there was an accident. Clean pads and sheets on her bed daily. Exhausting work, but worth it knowing she was as clean as possible every day. She lived to age 93, and I am content knowing I did my best for her.
I have found that detaching myself from the parent/child relationship, and simply treating her with respect and compassion has helped me get through the situations that would have barriers otherwise. I agree with others, that she took care of me when I could not take care of myself. I realize she only trusts her personal care to me, for that I feel honored.
Like MJCaregiver said, I too detached from the parent-child relationship and did what was needed to keep mom and the house clean. She's on hospice now after a fall and refusal to cooperate in the rehab. I hate that she has just given up and seems so comfortable being bedbound. I too was shocked and horrified when mom got incontinent and would rave and rant about the mess and her worsening condition. Then one day my husband cleaned up her poop without grumbling - since I was so frozen with shock. From then on, I have tried to be compassionate and "do what is needed to get thru the day and get to Netflix asap."
I also have private aides for a few hours who change her diaper and the hospice nurse and aide come by twice a week. It did take me a long time to accept that hiring aides was now imperative and it was money well- spent to get my life back and not get sucked into the cycle of bitterness, anger and sorrow.
Good luck to you - this forum has been a lifesaver for me
If your mother went down that fast in a month there's something wrong physically, psychologically, or both. I'll tell you the truth about getting used to a person crapping in a diaper. You never really get used to it. I was an in-home caregiver (mostly to elderly) for 25 years and have cleaned more ancient can then I can even remember. What does happen when you've been doing it for a while is it's just gross but not shocking anymore. You just clean them and it up. I always wore gloves, a plastic apron, and a mask. You're lucky if you aren't the person who has to change and clean her. Take her to the doctor though because to go from living an independent life to being bedbound and in a diaper within a month's time means there's something wrong.
You are an owner of a caregiver service (as you say) so you should know better. Please refer to adults using / wearing disposable underwear, not 'diapers.'
Be aware of making (incorrectly) "you" statements. You do not know who will / can do what. What you are speaking about is your experience. Please use "I" statements.
One way to get past it is to find her a care facility where all her needs will be met by trained professionals. It’s very difficult to keep someone with these health issues in the home, and one person can’t handle it all. Best of luck in getting the help that she now needs.
I took care of my husband for 11 years with dementia. I called his Depends, disposable underwear. It helped him because Depends came in different styles so neither of us felt bad. It is quite an adjustment for you and I trust you will be able to get through this difficult time. I always felt honored to take care of my husband but had he lived another day our situation would have required care I could not provide. God bless you and may you be guided by him as you walk through this experience.
You don’t my wife has been bed bound for 2 years and is in diapers. I change her 3 or more times a day. Not my favorite job. The alternative is to put her I a care facility but that would be mental torture for her. We tried once in the past. Just know that change comes in the future.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Read what daughterof1930 said. She is correct..
I hope one day. We hope to have someone like myself, you, daughterof1930 give, attend to just like we did when and if we get to that point..
I simply say this to myself.. She (my mom) took care of me when I couldn't.. now I take care of her when she can't..
I had to get passed the thought of having to see her and clean her but... thats my mom. I got passed that. You will too but it won't be easy but it can be done. I'm a testament to that.
Im her son.
Many times I asked her, "Do you mind that I do this?" Her response was "No." She was always an independent woman, and I suspect it did bother her somewhat. What made things much easier was having a portable commode in the bedroom, with some pads placed underneath in case there was an accident. Clean pads and sheets on her bed daily. Exhausting work, but worth it knowing she was as clean as possible every day. She lived to age 93, and I am content knowing I did my best for her.
I agree with others, that she took care of me when I could not take care of myself. I realize she only trusts her personal care to me, for that I feel honored.
I also have private aides for a few hours who change her diaper and the hospice nurse and aide come by twice a week. It did take me a long time to accept that hiring aides was now imperative and it was money well- spent to get my life back and not get sucked into the cycle of bitterness, anger and sorrow.
Good luck to you - this forum has been a lifesaver for me
I'll tell you the truth about getting used to a person crapping in a diaper.
You never really get used to it. I was an in-home caregiver (mostly to elderly) for 25 years and have cleaned more ancient can then I can even remember. What does happen when you've been doing it for a while is it's just gross but not shocking anymore.
You just clean them and it up. I always wore gloves, a plastic apron, and a mask. You're lucky if you aren't the person who has to change and clean her.
Take her to the doctor though because to go from living an independent life to being bedbound and in a diaper within a month's time means there's something wrong.
Be aware of making (incorrectly) "you" statements.
You do not know who will / can do what. What you are speaking about is your experience. Please use "I" statements.
A child wears diapers.
Changing how you think of these words shows respect to your wife.