She moved from FL to CA so I can care for her. She is 6 min from me. If I don’t take her somewhere every day she says she is depressed or lonely. I have a husband and a life but she pours the guilt on me constantly. Hard to want to spend time with her because she is so negative. How to get her to realize it’s not punishment if I don’t see her everyday?
Is her depression being treated?
If she has the funds available try to find someone you can hire to run errands with her. Help her with food shopping, hairdresser etc. Perhaps a movie or dinner out. Or to watch a favorite tv program or help her with projects at home.
Establish boundaries. Choose a day you will visit and a couple of days for the companion. Is being lonely new for her in Ca? Was she lonely in Fl? What did she do in Fl that she enjoyed?
Does she drive? Is she able to go out on her own?
Give us more information and perhaps we will have better suggestions.
The thing is, we do what we can to help them, but we also need to take care of ourself.
Their depression doesn't allow them to be reasonable. But we all do what we can and thats more than good enough.
My husband and i go back to our place at night a few blocks away. My Dad prefers we stay with him. But we need our own space. The advice on this site helps a lot to be strong.
What are her care needs? - you say you moved her from Florida to California so that you could look after her, but what were the concerns about how she was managing?
I will say that if she still has her mind - if she's not suffering from dementia, she needs to take some responsibility for how she feels. I don't mean to sound too harsh...I can imagine what you're going through - honestly, it sounds like you're reading a page from my life story.
She is on medication for depression.
We moved her to Ca because she is 92 and could no longer drive. She is included in any family activity going on. We take her to lunch several times a week and she eats dinner several times a week with us. Take her shopping at least 2to 3x a week plus to get her hair done and nails.
She has all her faculties and very capable.
Just wish she would just try to be a little more pleasant.
I agree, if she is able to have such a conversation, tell her honestly how you feel. What you are doing already is wonderful. And I think it’s great that at 92 your mother is still able to live independently.