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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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If your mother is mentally well, then you can be blunt with her - to argue with a person with dementia is abusive. She may not yet believe in dementia, she may even be one of the surprisingly large number of people who think that dementia is somehow a self-inflicted, lazy person's condition and they can snap out of it if they try; but your mother is not stupid, I shouldn't think she means to be cruel to your father, and she can learn. Get some good information sheets, e.g. from alz.org, print them for her and tell her she needs to step up.
It sounds like your mom is perhaps in denial over the fact that her husband has dementia. Some people would rather be in denial, than have to deal with the truth and reality of things. That is more common than you might realize. It might be helpful for her to read some articles pertaining to dementia(you can print some off this website) and all it entails, along with watching some of Teepa Snow's videos on YouTube about dementia. It's always best to be educated in the health issues you or your loved ones are dealing with. Wishing you the best.
Is your mother perhaps exhibiting some cognitive decline as well?
Some folks cam appear to be "sharp as a tack" in many ways (can discuss current events, know family members, remember everyone's birthday) and STILL be suffering from loss of executive functioning and abstract thinking skills.
Does she ever acknowledge that he has dementia? Does she know what it entails? Is she aware of stages? There are many web sites that explain everything, many very simply, and offer suggestions for how to deal with the "fun", one of which is not to argue with a person who has dementia. It's like trying to reason with a 2yo sometimes! Once something is stuck in their head, it stays, no matter what!
Information, if she'll accept it, is the best way around this. Try to find those that are short and to the point. Anything long and detailed she probably won't read.
I could NOT use the "D" word around my mother - she thought it meant you were off your rocker, aka crazy. Terminology may be helpful with your mother as well. Mom believed my dad had Alzheimer's, so she was aware of that aspect, but the word dementia was a whole different ball game! In her case, it was likely vascular dementia, but there was no way to use the terminology at that point, maybe not even before. She was only HS education, wayyy back in the day, and tended to be a bit pig-headed about things. If she read about something or saw it on that Dr P show, it was gospel!
Additionally, dementia lies to the person. Their self-image is totally different than what we see. As recent memories are lost, they drift back in time, so my mother didn't view herself to be the age she was.
Understand, your mother has known your dad, longer than you have. Your mother has seen your Dad in his prime. Watching hin decline must be hard for her.
She still wants to believe she can have a reasonable discussion with him.
The best approach is to simply educate her. Show her articles.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Some folks cam appear to be "sharp as a tack" in many ways (can discuss current events, know family members, remember everyone's birthday) and STILL be suffering from loss of executive functioning and abstract thinking skills.
It’s very tiring being a referee.
Information, if she'll accept it, is the best way around this. Try to find those that are short and to the point. Anything long and detailed she probably won't read.
I could NOT use the "D" word around my mother - she thought it meant you were off your rocker, aka crazy. Terminology may be helpful with your mother as well. Mom believed my dad had Alzheimer's, so she was aware of that aspect, but the word dementia was a whole different ball game! In her case, it was likely vascular dementia, but there was no way to use the terminology at that point, maybe not even before. She was only HS education, wayyy back in the day, and tended to be a bit pig-headed about things. If she read about something or saw it on that Dr P show, it was gospel!
Additionally, dementia lies to the person. Their self-image is totally different than what we see. As recent memories are lost, they drift back in time, so my mother didn't view herself to be the age she was.
She still wants to believe she can have a reasonable discussion with him.
The best approach is to simply educate her. Show her articles.