After my mother's partner died and her health declined, I brought her to live with me. I'm a little taken aback by her lifestyle. She is in complete denial that there is anything amiss. The doctors don't ask geriatric questions and don't seem concerned about her alcohol intake. It's a bit of a bizarre situation. I'm at a loss and losing my goodwill/patience cleaning up poop all over my house. Any suggestions/advice would be helpful. Thank you.
As of today, you make your house a "dry" house. That means no alcohol is allowed in your home. It's your house and you do not have to live with an alcoholic. My first husband was an alcoholic. Sober he was a wonderful man and a hard worker. When the bottle would come out he would change. Not so much towards me, but I wasn't willing to live with alcoholic/addict behavior and left. Your mother at her age will likely not be willing to try recovery so she will have to live elsewhere.
Stop being her enabler. Do not let her live in your home anymore. Please go to Al-Anon as it's been suggested here on this thread. I did and learned all about what being an enabler is and how the addict manipulates their enablers to keep things as they are. You don't have to live with this.
Also, if your mother is incontinent and crapping all over the house she really belongs in managed care. If her doctor won't help you to place her in appropriate care for her needs, call your state's social services department. A social worker will help you to get her placed.
I would be taking photos of the empty bottles, the filth and telling the doctor before the appointment.
There is a huge difference between answering one drink a day and meaning a single beer or glass of wine or a whole bottle of wine, scotch etc.
You have to become the advocate.
At 74 years old, your Mom is still considered young, thus the reason why none of the doctors ask her geriatric questions. I am older then your Mom, and if I have any health issues bothering me, I tell my doctor and he takes it from there.
You mentioned in your profile that you give up your career to care for your Mom. Years ago Forbes had an article about grown children in careers that leave to take care of a parent. One would lose over the years $350k not only in salary, but what the company pays for your health insurance.... cost in stock options/profit sharing.... costs of matching 401k.... costs for paid vacation days.... paid sick days.... lost of payroll deductions for Medicare and for Social Security... etc.
Time to step back and look closely at this arrangement. I know it won't be easy to make any changes.
I agree, Mom needs to be evaluated for mental decline. And I too would like to know where she gets the alcohol.
I would find the first opportunity ( like when she passes out from drinking to excess) to call 911 and have her transported to the ER for evaluation and treatment of her alcohol abuse and her mental health issues.
Tell the social work team that she cannot return to your home, that her care needs outweigh your abilities, and that you are returning to work.
Get your job back.