My mother and I made an agreement for my family and I to move in to her home and to care for her. She has Parkinson and is in a wheelchair.
My sister claims that the agreement was between my Mother and I and that the Trust is not responsible to help pay my income or pay to have someone come in to help me.
I am watching and caring for Mom 24/7. I have 6 brothers and sisters but no one can "handle" caring for her. My pay is only $1000.00 per month and since Mom's income is restricted by the trust, I have also helped with groceries and miscellaneous bills when needed.
Do I go as far as to contact the Labor Commission Dept? There was 4 months that I only received $500.00 per month because the "Trust" did not "give" her the supplement amount agreed upon for living expenses.
It seems that when my mom is in a stressful situation she kind of shuts down. In doing this she has gotten herself into situations that she later regrets. So of course when I try to fix (what I can) I am the bad guy.
It's the typical "you're sponging off of mom". They have NO idea how hard it is to care for a person confined to a wheel chair. The other family members are never around but maybe 1 hour every 2 to 3 months.
anyway Thank you, again.
Perhaps an independent mediator could help. You both can present your sides of the caregiving issue. Come prepared with documentation about how much the type of care you are providing costs in your area. (here is is $18 to 26/hr for in-home care. 3,000/asst. living, and $6,000-8,000. for an NH)
I can't imagine why your sister would withhold funds from someone who is providing your mom quality care. Why aren't your other sibs either pitching in to help or intervening on your behalf? Do they realize how little care you can buy for $1,000/mo.?
It is true that when a trust is created it becomes it's own separate entity. However, I assume that this trust was created to protect assets for you mom's care.
It's bad enough that the government refuses to assist family caregivers for the tireless work we do - but when the non-caregiving sibs do the same it is unforgivable.
Your mother needs to get a copy of the trust...it is her right. (also, the reverse mortgage issues is worrisome.) Your sister needs to pay all her bills for her care....you should stop paying any bills out of pocket. Your agreed upon salary should be paid from either her reg. income and/or the trust.
Btw, was your agreement with your mom in writing? If not, you need to draw up one that spells out your duties and how much you are being paid. Anything outside the agreement is "extra" and you need to be reimbursed for that too.
If may sound extreme, but you may have to tell your sibs that you are through being the underpaid help and if they can find comparable services for what they are paying you, they should go for it. Of course, they do not care about your mom, but they may care about how this will inpact their "inheritance."
Good luck...family things never seem to go smoothly.
Afterwords My Mom didn't even know what she had signed. Stress makes her sort of fade out. It was a 4 hour meeting.