My wife was diagnosed with early onset dementia about 2 years ago. I have been caring for her at our home until Nov 2020 when we moved into an assisted living retirement community with the intention of moving her into their memory care facility when I am no longer able to care for her. I am now having second thoughts as her glaucoma has gotten to the point where she can no longer see except for a narrow band directly in front of her. I am now thinking because of her slowly losing eyesight that memory care will not be what she needs. I would like some guidance as to where she will get the best care as a person with dementia and glaucoma. Any direction will be greatly appreciated. Thank You, Fred.
Try covering one eye and holding the tube from a paper towel roll over the other eye. That is what you can see.
Can you walk about your home like this? Can you find and read a newspaper? How will you find your toothbrush if it is moved, or you absentmindedly put in in the medicine cupboard instead of leaving in the holder by the sink?
Now imagine that tube shrinking and cover the end with waxed paper. That is what vision loss from glaucoma is like.
Now take your glasses and cut a nickel-sized piece of black construction paper and put it over the center, covering your eye. If you move your head you can see around it but things are blurry. That black spot will grow, and eventually most of your lens will be black but you will still be able to see around the glasses. That is what AMD is like. It is devastating to be sure, but not as debilitating. You can't see any detail but you can still see where things are. Also, AMD does not cause total blindness unless there are cormorbidities.
Fred, whatever you decide please make sure your wife will be comfortable with and trust her caregivers, since she will be completely dependent. There will be unseen hands touching her and even feeding her at some point. Gentleness, compassion and affection will be needed as much as caregiving skills. Your wife will be their "baby" and you want her treated and cared for as the delicate dependent she will be.
Please research the options available in your community with an eye to the types of care each provides and the cost. Also talk to your insurance provider about any coverage for these costs.
If you cab arrange it, bring her home and hire help
The most important thing I've done with my own mother is to write out a short biography of her that also includes information about her health issues and how to deal with them on a practical level. I asked the administrator of her place to make sure everyone who deals with my mom -- from director to housekeepers -- read it and understand what she needs when dealing with her. She is also nearly deaf and won't wear her hearing aids any longer, so she's easily startled. It's important that anyone who is approaching her not suddenly touch her without making their presence known first.
The staff at your wife's place will be perfectly capable of handling her issues, but it's vital that you inform them of her special needs and what she requires to make life easier for her.
At some point we loved ones get to a point where you have to decide which issue is the most important one to work with in order to ensure quality of life. My mother has dementia, heart issues, and vision and hearing issues, among others. None of them will get better, so two years ago I moved Mom from a skilled nursing facility that treated her like she was sick to a memory care where she's treated like the intelligent, funny woman she's always been who also happens to have some other health issues. It was the best decision I ever made, and I think you need to decide what treatment will best help your wife to enjoy the most quality of life.
I'd also check with the Braille Institute (BrailleInstitute.org) or the American Foundation for the Blind (afb.org) to get ideas for ways to help her. Before the dementia got too bad, we got my mother a Merlin reading machine so she could read as long as possible, a large button phone from the phone company (they're free under the ADA), audiobooks and a player from the Library of Congress (also free), and large print calendars to allow her to keep track of the days.