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My Father has rapidly declined in health in the past 7 weeks. 30 plus years of drinking has bought him a damaged liver and a 7cm something on his spleen. Recently we took him to the ED because he hadn’t eaten in two weeks. He was admitted for three days to get his sodium levels up. He is home but is unable to get up on his own. He has very little control of his feet and his arms are weak and shaky.
I recently learned his mother passed at my fathers age and had ALS along with Alzheimer’s. My fathers rapid decline is a big sign he may have ALS. His memory is really not all there as he tends to lose track of time, repeats conversations and brings up the past a lot. He refuses to use the walker to get around. We argue about him getting assistance to the toilet and he says he has to do it on his own. He then agrees for help but forgets that in 10 minutes time.
My mother has COPD but is being treated as it is asthma. She gets winded and is 73 years old. Now my father has lost like 50 pounds in the last year as well and is skinny.
He has fallen twice and had lots of bathroom accidents just in one day. He currently needs around the clock supervision and care. I do have a dual POA on my dad. I do not know what to do or who to call at this point. We are all so very exhausted.

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I would immediately reach out to his primary care doctor. Relate all of this information. Also, start contacting long term care facilities/nursing homes. Your father's level of care is too much for family members to handle around the clock. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please remember his safety and your safety and sanity are all three important. Parents get to a point where we can not do or be everything. Please don't fall into a the trap of false guilt over getting him placed. Again, it's about his safety. Praying for God's wisdom, clarity, insight and peace to cover you. It will be okay.
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I just read your profile. You are a mother of three children and live a few minutes away from your parents and are their caregiver. That’s a lot on your plate!

Can your parents afford to pay for an in home caregiver?

Your family is your first priority. They will require more and more care. Start looking for suitable care now.

If need be, speak to a social worker to help assist in this process.

Are they on Medicaid or Medicare? If Medicaid, have you considered a suitable nursing home for them?

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Jhenkin Jan 2021
I corrected my profile. My apologize as all my babies are grown. It is just me and the hubby and my 24 year old son. My parents currently have Medicare A & B. I am going to avoid nursing homes for as long as I possibly can. I was an EMT for awhile and went to Nursing school. I know all about how some of those homes are and I am going to do my best to avoid if possible. I want to look into getting my mother and I some relief a few days a week if I can. For now I am playing it by ear and will reach out to these doctors and see what needs to be done. If I have no choice for him to be safe and need to put him in a home then I will.

Thank you so much..
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ALS is amyotrophic lateral sclerosis - is that what you meant to type?... It sounds as though you don't really understand his diagnosis.
Liver disease that includes the spleen is likely very advanced, it may be time to do some research on that. I have to assume that at some point a doctor explained the options to your parents and they made a choice in that regard?
It may be time to ask for a hospice evaluation, from there you will need to consider whether continuing to care for him at home is possible.
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Jhenkin Jan 2021
I was told by my aunt it is Lou Gehrig's Disease which is also known as Amyotrophoc Lateral Sclerosis. So yes that is what I meant. I was just too vague. My grandmother was diagnoses with that towards the end of her life. My father is a beer alcoholic and has been for over 30 years. His liver is bad. That is all I was told so far. His spleen has a 7cm something on it and was possibly needing removal but now they want more tests. I do not think my dad really knows and or is avoiding the true answers. I will be reaching out to all his doctors tomorrow to get the ball rolling of getting to answers asap.
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Tell his primary doctor you want him evaluated for HOSPICE or Palliative care.
So, do ask for hospice. They will evaluate, and most likely accept him as a hospice. just know, they will keep him with hospice for 30 days or so, and then reevaluate as need be... It is okay.
Hospice is there to help the patient and the family out in this time of need... to make the transition to death peaceful.
My LO with liver cancer did not go on hospice, and I talked with him all night long.. I had to pull his futon out from the other room and place it on the floor next to the bed.... any movement on the bed sent pain... but he didn't want to be alone... He wasn't....
Every death has been a bit different... just wish it could be peaceful everytime.. and, it's not just humans it's all our family - furry ones included....
Just get hospice, another pair of eyes t keep you sane...they will call in a chaplain, or whoever you want... they will sit with you and talk with you in person or on phone...they will be there to listen, talk, and pray, whatever it takes.
it s okay.. Just make sure your LO knows they are loved, and it is okay to transition over when the time comes...
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So, look for a 6 pack, 2 caretakers and 6 residents in a private home like enviroment.... near you.
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