I had a room for rent. I saw a post on FB there was a 70 YOF looking for a room to rent. I had one, so I contacted the poster. The poster was a nurse aide for roommate ("S"). The nurse aide said "S" was independent, took care of herself, used the bathroom on her own and used pull-ups for "just in case she didn't make it), feeds herself, washes and dresses herself, etc. "She uses a walker but other than that, all good."
My new roommate "S" has been here 3 weeks. She has physically been in the bathroom 2 times to shower. She has been laying in bed, wetting and pooping in the bed. Filling diapers and dropping them in a bucket next to the bed or on the floor next to the bed. Her nurse aide comes M-F between 9 am. and 3p.m. to help with more challenging things, like laundry, shopping, cleaning. I have not seen the nurse aid take soap and water into her room to bathe her and she has only been in the shower twice. She has half of one kidney and drinks tall cans of Long Island Iced tea every day. She chain smokes cigarettes and smokes weed. She stays in the bed, drinking, smoking, laying in her waste and next to her waste. She opens the windows and leaves them open with temperatures ranging from 30-50 f outside. My heat is running non-stop. The ammonia odor is so strong, I got sores in my nose and it set off the carbon monoxide and explosive gas detector in the kitchen. My washer and dryer wreak of ammonia and poop. At most, she has 30 hours per week with an aide. The other 138 hours per week, she is on her own and not performing any self care other than feeding herself long island ice tea, smoking cigarettes and weed. She is choosing to stay in the bed laying in her waste and with her waste laying around her in balled up blankets on the floor and a short open trash can. I couldn't take the odor anymore and started knocking on the door and pulling her trash out of her room but it is very hard to do with the smell as strong as it is. (She has half of one kidney on top of this.) If her nurse aid doesn't come that day she doesn't eat or drink anything besides the long island ice tea, and she doesn't clean her body or clean up her waste. I had a talk with her because I know she CAN get up and use the bathroom and clean herself up (per her nurse aid) but she chooses not to. I told her I could not allow what is happening here continue. By definition, if she is unable to perform the basics of self care, she needs assistance 24/7. She is harming herself but she is also harming me. I have spent a fortune on odor absorbers, candles, odor blocking detergents, etc. And now my electric bill is going through the roof. I'm freezing to death and can't breathe in my own home. I ran her blankets through the washer for 5 hours, washing over and over and using baking soda and vinegar and odor blocking detergent and still couldn't get the odor out. One blanket was full of burn holes. What can I do? I can't live like this and I can't become her 24/7 caretaker. I caught the windows in her room still open in the middle of the night with her sleeping next to the window with it 38 degrees outside and my heat running non-stop. Her behavior is putting both our health and safety at great risk. When she has a doctor appt, she straightens right up, acts competent, and her aide is right there with her. She comes back here and reverts back to bedridden drinking, smoking, filth, windows open, no self care or bathing, and laying with filth. What course of action can I take to get her the care she needs and to protect my own health and safety? I'm in my 50's. I can't live in waste and cold. I have 2 jobs and my own health problems, I can't be her caretaker at the level she needs.
How is she paying for one (because they are expensive)?
Why does she have an aid: for her physical issues? Or does she really have cognitive issues, or both?
Does she have a social worker or legal guardian? Who was the aid who helped arrange her move into your room?
I'm asking these questions because if your roommate isn't making decisions for herself, then you must contact whoever is and hold them accountable for this deception.
If you don't make any progress, call in APS to assess her. They may move to acquire guardianship at some point and can remove her, but it would take a while.
Legal or not no one has to tolerate smoking of any kind in their home. No place allows smoking anymore and a private house doesn't have to either.
Or better, call APS and tell them what happened. Tell them this woman needs care that you can't and are unwilling to give. You feel like she has been dumped in ur lap. You are not even sure you will be paid after the first initial payment. Do it now since its only been 3 wks. APS can get her set up somewhere and investigate the aide.
Eviction will take a minimum of 30 days you don't want to wait that long, I am sure.
As others said, evict her ASAP! If she ever gets sick and/or needs medical assistance, call 911 and don't allow her back into the house.
I'm sure you've already thought of this, but first thing I thought was that maybe you need to personally interview potential roomies in person. Somewhere neutral like a local restaurant or something.
Good luck!
In the meantime...this is not what you signed on to do. This is a failing business arrangement. A landlord has no legal, moral or ethical responsibility to give care to the person/people renting their space.
Move to evict. You owe this person nothing. It should not fall on you to do any of "S's" care, even if she wasn't able to take care of herself, rather than choosing not to take care of herself.
You've gotten great advice. The only think I'd add is to ask you to update us on your progress to get this roommate out of your house. We love it when a poster makes the necessary changes to actually improve their situation (many don't)!
When they see the conditions that you described they will probably transport her. She is obviously mentally ill and needs professional intervention. Self neglect is a situation that APS will get involved in. At that point you tell them that she can not safely return to your home. She doesn't have anyone to care for her and you CAN NOT, no explanation needed.
The low levels people will stoop to is mind boggling.
I would change the locks as soon as she is transported. If the aid shows up, tell her to jog on, lying, manipulate piece of work. Let her figure out what to do.
I think is thisreallyreal has the best plan. Once the EMT's see this--they are mandated reporters o f abuse & neglect and they HAVE to call this in.
Then you haul all her garbage out of the house and change the locks while she's in the ER. Maybe out of basic human kindness give the 'friend' a call and tell her you have physically evicted this person.
TAKE PICTURES. Tons of them.
So sorry--you're probably going to have to replace the carpet down to the plywood and paint and spray down the whole room with pet odor control stuff--and air out the room.
Just my opinion here but calling 911 won't work. If the renter refuses to go to the ER, the EMTs will not take her. OP can ask that a record be made of the condition they found the renter. If she does go to ER, don't think locks can be changed legally. She can refuse to let her return I would think though. I think when there is no lease its a month to month rental. I think calling APS is the best bet. This woman rented the room under false pretenses. (I bet if a background check had been done, this is probably not the first time) This woman needs help that the OP cannot and should not have to give her. The longer the woman is allowed to remain the harder it will be to get her out. The aide knew what she was doing and it would be interesting to know where they were before this.
Yes! please do not leave us hanging. Come back and tell us how you handle this. Maybe, you could tell the aide you are evicting the renter because the aide gave you false information. If she does not find a new place in the next week you will be calling Adult Protection Services on a vulnerable adult. By calling APS the aide could lose her job so she may get a new place. But be careful. If this is a scam of some sort, these people are very aware of the law and know their rights. I think a letter from a lawyer maybe a good idea.
***IF*** no lease, and under the timeframe for her jurisdiction, the OP can change the locks, throw out the renter, etc, and be within her rights. She should return any funds that were given to her by the woman/caregiver - and return if by check, so there is a record of the transaction! But IF there is no lease, time is of the essence, because the longer this person remains, the greater her rights become. And I would not be surprised if the tenant knows this.
You need to file for eviction.
This is going to take a while. Maybe even longer than normal due to COVID there had been a moratorium put on evictions.
You CAN NOT lock her out. You CAN NOT toss her belongings out. It has to be a legal eviction. Most likely the court will give her 30 days to vacate AFTER the court hearing.
Was there any restrictions when she moved in? Did you prohibit smoking? If so that is another cause to evict.
Is your house legally able to have renters? Some villages prohibit it unless there are Fire Department regulations that have been met. As well as Building and Zoning regulations. If you legally can not have renters you might want to use that as a basis to have her removed. Report yourself for having an illegal renter. You may have to pay a fine but the court will require her to move. (if you can not make your house up to code if there are violations)
And if you are not paid to be her caregiver then you can also report to APS the fact that she is a vulnerable senior and is not getting the care that she needs.
Yeah you can, I would do exactly what I said and let them pursue me through the legal system. Who is going to take you to court when a situation like this was totally misrepresented, the woman is in danger of having her house burned down, it is being ruined with the human waste accumulation and she is being poisoned by the filth. Yep, take me to court but, you are out, legally or not.
Go to your states website and look up tenant rights. We had a situation that tenants thought they had rights and were going to show us. During the hearing we informed the Judge that we would comply but, every single tenant would be served via Fed-Ex with a 3 day eviction notice. He confirmed for the tenants that they would be obligated to get out within 3 days if they followed the course they had chosen. So there are options available for quick evictions, you or a real estate attorney can get an emergency hearing, even now, to get this danger out of your home. You are not stuck with this situation. You may have a fight on your hands but, you will prevail and you don't have to fight it with her endangering you in your home.
but something is stopping OP from evicting. i don’t know why.
i think there are more facts about this whole situation that we don’t know about.
i hope you’ll be ok, OP and also S.
The aides solution to the problem is #1 She is moving S out on Jan 3rd. #2 Instead of just coming M-F, she is going to come 7 days a week, reducing the length of her stay with her. So S will only have care 3-4 hours a day and the other 20-21 hours per day she will drink, smoke, get high, and lay in her waste. It seems to me the aide is determined to keep control over S. I point blank told her "She needs 24/7 care. I don't know why you wouldn't want her to have that?" She will not tell me the agency she works for. She will not give me next of kin contacts. She will not give me any paperwork on this lady to know who her caseworkers are, anywhere. The aid claims that S makes too much money ($1200 a month) to qualify for medicaid, so insurance will not cover 24/7 care for her. She said insurance covers very little and that insurance is paying for her to come care for S but it isn't enough, so S also pays her out of her own pocket in addition to what the agency pays her. (insert huge red flag here!) The aid also said she eventually plans to move S in with her and her family. I'm beginning to believe the aid is intentionally keeping S intoxicated and completely dependent upon her without any other care for dubious reasons. Twice now S has told me excitedly that her aid was going to give her a shower today - only for the aid not to shower her, but instead, watch t.v. drink smoke and get high with her, then leave. This adds to my growing belief that the aid may be working with this woman for reasons other than caring for her. Another red flag was S said her last landlord was mean, so they took his TV with them. I can't help but wonder if the smell of waste was his complaint and because neither of them is interested in dealing with it, that made him "mean". Now I'm mean for saying laying drunk in waste and collecting the waste and saving it up for whenever the aid comes back is unacceptable. She moved in November 15th and has had 2 showers here. I'm assuming she had a shower at the aids house the day I reported it to APS and Social Services. Each shower was just prior to a doctors appointment. I tried to look up whether or not the aid was holding a current license in Virginia but was unable to find her on the list with any of her last names. I now have cameras in my living areas in case S gets out of the bed and falls while home alone but also to protect my belongings. I'm just mind blown.
Take pictures beforehand of her waste, her LI Ice Tea cans, her weed. Put all this plus whatever food she eats, poop ridden clothes in a demo bag. Next time the aide takes her out, have a locksmith ready. Change everything. Ignore them trying to get in. If they break something, call the cops.
Or is someone trolling?
There is key info missing from the OP's information, especially whether there is a written lease or agreement. That's why it is really sort of futile to give any further guidance -- way too many unknowns.
I would call APS again and tell them what you said here.
Sorry but, a drunk that has shat themselves is VERY different then a medical emergency. As you found out.
I would call APS, there are all kinds of waving red flags about this situation. If you are really concerned you will call daily to get the authorities involved.
Glad, I agree, I hope this isn't a trolling expedition.
Is she still in charge and making decisions for herself? Or does she have a conservator/guardian who does? That is the person you need to communicate with if she does.
Did you at any time agree to help out with some of her caregiving needs and did you accept payment at any time for caregiving? If you did, that changes everything.
It's time for you to put in a call to APS and have a serious talk with them. Tell them she is an extremely vulnerable at-risk adult and it's an emergency. Tell them everything. That she spends her days laying in her on piss and sh*t, drinking alcohol, and smoking pot.
The next time she's burning one in your house, all the police. You don't have to tolerate that. If you've accepted payment to help with her caregiving, tell them that too. Don't leave anything out.
If she's drinking and getting high with her CNA, report the aide at once to the agency she works for, to APS, and to the police.
Then you will have to head to the courthouse and have her served with eviction papers.
I would ask you why you even allow smoking in your house to begin with? New rule, no smoking in the house. If she wants to smoke she must go outside. You can enforce this rule by throwing her cigarettes and weed down the toilet if she smokes in the house.
It certainly sounds like you're in a tough situation, but seriously you have to grow a set and get this woman and her aide out of your home.
Stop being nice and trying to reason with them. Call APS now. Call the cops the next time she tries to smoke weed in your house.
there is some reason however, that OP isn’t doing all the common sense advice you, and everyone, is giving.
there’s more to this story. maybe OP is involved in some guilty way, with all this.
or it’s all made up.
I guess the best this can do once such a grave mistake is made is to let it serve as a lesson to others. In many areas of our country (my own San Francisco is notorious for it) a renter has many rights, and getting them out even when it is a room rental can be agonizingly awful.
If all else fails you are left with a tenant/landlord attorney to help you, one who practices in your area.
I'd start with keeping the remote control on my person. Cut her off from the TV. Call her ISP with help to change her WiFi password. And pictures pictures pictures. Probably best if they do know you're taking them, and so are your friends.
At the next opportunity that they depart, change the locks on the front door. Even in SF, possession is nine tenths of the law. I doubt the grifters are gonna sue where she's at, especially with all the pictures and documentation.
however, i don’t think the aid is really a nurse.
and OP, writing:
“I have spent a fortune on odor absorbers, candles, odor blocking detergents, etc.”
nobody does that.
the story doesn’t make sense. no one would continue renting to someone with all those problems AND spend their own money on deodorants, etc.
they would simply ask S to leave; evict; call APS; do something.
Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Do you know what the aid picked the magical date of January 3rd? Because I will bet that's the amount of time that your state uses to establish permanent residency, at which point she will have SQUATTER'S RIGHTS. Which means you can't just throw her out, you will HAVE to evict; AND she can refuse to pay rent, etc. - do all of the things that will make her a MORE terrible tenant.
IF THERE IS NO LEASE SIGNED tell this CNA she has 24 hours to get this woman out of your home, or you're packing up her stuff and throwing it outside...because I guarantee, once she can establish residency, you will NEVER get rid of her! It sounds like they BOTH know how to game this system, don't fall for it! Act sooner, though, because your window of opportunity is quickly shutting.
Some random person allowed to move in with no background check, reference check or valid state issued ID's check and next thing you have an unsolved crime.
I can't imagine. I wouldn't even hire someone to work in a public place, with lots of people around without doing this, forget about sleeping in the same house.
Now if it is real you don't let someone move in you should have asked for their ID the aides ID so you know who the hell you moved into your house.
the story is fake.
shame on you OP, wasting our time/energy.
maybe parts of the story are true, or all fake. either way, OP is stealing our time.