My mother is 88 and I placed her in the NH on March 12th, the day of the lock down. Whew!
She was diagnosed in February when things were getting bad. Up until then she lived at home and I had caregivers come 5 hours a day.
She was having accidents and refusing to get cleaned up and wearing depends full of poop. She was starting to hallucinate and trying to leave the house for *appointments* The nursing home said to think of it more like palliative care after I freaked out about *hospice* they said Medicare would cover it. When is this usually used? Is this a sign that they feel she's entering the final stage? I don't talk to her much because its just long stretches of silence. The last time I did last week she said everyone from the *other schools came over*, she seems to be living in her grade school years. She was not a fabulous mother by any stretch of the imagination but I feel bad that she's in her strange alternative mind alone. Sigh.....
Best wishes to you and your mom. Take comfort that you are doing all that you can.
Don’t feel obligated to visit often if it’s too hard. Call the facility to check on her if you prefer.
If you can get a hospice evaluation, please do. You can always, always remove her from hospice if it's not working out the way you want; and they will accept her again later if and when that time comes. There's really nothing to lose by making the phone call.
Do be comforted that hospice is (likely should not be) used when death is not imminent these days, just for the extra support. They will say "The doctor has to sign that given the circumstances he expects death within six months; but if you aren't gone we reapply.
All that said, you don't get hospice because you are wearing depends and have dementia, as you described. So what else is going on. What debilities are being seen that indicate death is near? Many people live demented and incontinent for many years; hospice is not usually recommended.
I would, were I you, be certain to FULLY discuss all of this with both hospice and your Mom's recommending doctor.
Hospice will help you and your mom- as POA I didn’t allow certain meds and all Med decisions included my approval, hope you have medical powers.
The MC home wanted all control but don’t give them all the power, Hospice went to my mom’s defense always but we chose an excellent Hospice. More eyes with Hospice and nighttime sitters really made the difference. My sister and I visited for many hours daily, keep the eyes on the facility. Covid will make facilities so much worse by locking the “eyes” out . It is exhausting, then they die and it becomes sad. Prayers to you!!
Being under Hospice care will give your mom an extra set of eyes on her and honestly being that she's in a facility the care will probably be better from Hospice than what she's receiving now, and it should give you peace of mind, that she's receiving great care, So really it's a win, win for everybody. Wishing for God's peace to be with you in the days to come.
My LO has been on hospice for 2 years. She keeps qualifying because of her final stage condition. On AD scale a 7(f). Can't sit, can't hold up head. Can't speak. Bedridden with double incontinence, with regular urinary infections. I requested hospice evaluation when at least 3 doctors told me that she was very sick and wouldn't last long. That was over 2 years ago.
Here's an article from this site about it.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hospice-care-for-advanced-dementia-when-is-it-time-200580.htm