Once again it’s going to be tax time again soon, and deadlines are deadlines. Mom has a whole slew of investments, and receives all the K1’s and 1099’s. Before she used to have some of them sent to my address, but during the year she managed to change it, and now many of the documents are going to her. She’s a hoarder, so no documents end up in a file; they are just hidden around in various places. For the most part she’s completely unable to take care of any financial matters – I have to do that for her. For example, while looking for documents I found refund checks she had received but never deposited. Last year when we filed the taxes, we literally had to make up the numbers. I had based them on the numbers from the year before, but I have no idea what the end numbers really are. Every time I ask for a POA she calls me a “Crook!” I know this is just part of the dementia, but last night it just wore me down too far. Anyone else find themselves in the quandary? Now here’s where it gets complicated. My mother disinherited me years ago in a trust agreement where she left everything to UCLA. There’s a paragraph in that agreement that states that if she becomes incompetent that the trustees have the right to take physical possession of my mother and her assets. That was the first thing they told me after my Dad passed away earlier this month. The second thing they asked was if the property insurance was current, and the property taxes were paid. I did think about obtaining guardianship, but that would just make me financially liable for any mistakes on my part – besides which, I really don’t care about looking after UCLA’s future assets – or pardon me, whatever is left over after the attorney in question gouges the estate for fees. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
As for the rest of her daily accounts - I would set up direct deposit and withdrawal wherever possible and switch to online bills and banking that you can access. Or just use mom's money to hire a book keeper to do it all.
Although quick lookup finds many articles on letting the IRS figure your taxes (they DO get copies of all the important documents like 1099s and investments), maybe half say don't do this. However, since you have no POA and limited, if any, documents, this might be a time to let the IRS take care of it. She has 'written you off' and you have no legal standing at this time, I would let this be done elsewhere. It is not worth stressing about. IF UCLA is so concerned about what might/might not be left, let THEM handle it!
I had similar difficulty with mom and paperwork. I was able to forward all bills to me and take care of that. With pension and SS (in both cases they are federal), I cannot have the documents forwarded. I did have POA, but it doesn't matter for federal documents. It took two years and much effort to get onto the pension as representative. SS was quicker, but required face-to-face and a whole new account just for SS funds. Both require yearly (at least) reporting. Prior to that I was doing her taxes (second year kept asking for the documents and WEEKS before the deadline she says Oh no one was doing them so I went to H&R and I'm getting $5000 back! STAY AWAY FROM THEM, THEY ARE IDIOTS!!! I had to go there and have them undo what they did and return the money - they left out the pension completely!!! I still did the taxes, for a year or so (brother lost the refund, had to wait until IRS reissues when check not cashed), but sought out a reputable agent (there are people who are IRS certified tax preparers - I found a local one and brought the trust taxes to him last year (first filing). Now that we are funding her MC from this, I am having him do hers at least this year, to ensure it is done right and the MC is deductible.
But again, in your case you do not have the documents, you do not have any legal authority to deal with any of this, I would not file another "bogus" return - if you feel you need to help mom, then you need some serious legal assistance (tax attorney? It should be paid for with mom's income, NOT yours!) Also hopefully you did not add your name in any way to last year's return and certainly do NOT do that this year or any future year!
I am a full charge bookkeeper and I advise you to use mom's money and hire a good CPA, they have easier access to the IRS maze, it does 2 things, you are no longer responsible for the information on the return and if there is an audit the CPA by law must represent your mom through the audit. This is why they are so conscientious with tax returns. Sending in estimated #s on a tax return is actually worse then not filing, they default right to you are trying to cheat. I'm sorry that your mom has disowned you, that can not be an easy spot to be in, considering that she has the gaul to except your free help, sorry if that is offensive, I just don't appreciate any person that does that to anyone, let alone their offspring.
You can go to the IRS and your State tax websites and do the extensions, send in any tax based on previous years and add 15%, this will 1) give u time to find a CPA, to late to ask a new CPA to step into this mess for 2017 taxes 2) if last year was under paid it helps lower the outstanding balance which lowers interest and shows good faith that just might get them to waive penalties.
Ask friends, business acquaintance, family, etc for a referral, not all CPA firms are all that great, do your research. They are happy to have a meet and greet, life is hard who wants to deal with people that make it harder. They will give you a list of what they need and will step in, at a fee, to do leg work for missing data. I would let them, it is mom's money and mess, she should foot the bill.
Don't stress, get extensions filed, find CPA, maybe one mom can trust to receive all future tax related mailings, then turn it over. One less thing for your mom to call you names over.
God bless you for all you do for your mom and may He grant you the strength to endure.
HUGS 2 u!
Regarding your mother's trust stating that the trustee takes charge of your mother and her assets if she become incompetent -- my dad's trust said basically the same thing, but when I petitioned for guardianship and conservatorship, the judge, in consideration that I had been his primary caregiver for several years, appointed me as both guardian and conservator. It's important to know that trusts cannot appoint either guardians or conservators, only judges can do that. It's certainly understandable if you'd rather not be your mother's guardian and conservator, but you could consider becoming just her guardian and not her conservator (although since you've been filing her taxes, it sounds like you are serving as a defacto conservator). There are options and you may want to consult with an elder-law attorney about the unfortunate situation in which you and your mother find yourselves.
Lastly, if your mother's trust is revocable rather than irrevocable, you may want to explore revoking it as an option, especially if you think your mother might outlive her assets and you truly believe the trust attorney is "gouging the estate for fees." An alternative to revoking a trust is replacing the trustee.
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