So grandma only thinks her fore and index fingers need to be covered by TP while wiping. She will fold the TP in a quarter of it's original size. Of course, only one square is used. The rest of her fingers end up being covered in poop. Also she needs to pull it out and inspect it before putting it back down in the commode getting both hands covered in poop. I have repeatedly tried teaching her to use more to cover her entire hand. When I'm there with her, she will do just that. When I am not, she will not.
That's just the first part. Cleaning her hand afterwards is a nightmare. She denies that there is any poop on her hand. If I give her a wet wipe. She will just rub her palms with it and deem them clean. The problem is at the finger tips and especially under her nails. Of course, I keep her nails as short as possible. If I try to wipe her hands for her. She will push at me with her poophands. I can't wipe and keep her poophands off of me at the same time. I only have two hands. Thus I end up poop covered.
She is physically capable of going to the bathroom and washing her own hands. She is physically capable of going to the bathroom to use the toilet. She just refuses. The commode started when she fell and injured herself. Now if I take the commode away she'll simply go in the trashcan instead of going to the toilet. So the commode it is.
I don't have much hope, but does anyone have any suggestions of what can be done?
By the mid stages of dementia, we have to know where they are all the time (by watching or by motion alarms) in order to keep them safe.
No, she's not capable. If she were capable, she wouldn't do this. It is typical for dementia patients to do this. Would she wear a rubber glove? Otherwise, she needs caregiving.
I ALWAYS wear gloves. I’m tempted to start wearing a mask as well. I would matter of factly start using wipes (but don’t flush even the flushable ones).
Sometimes you need to embarrass them a little. When my mom was in the NH, she was obsessed with sex. It was disgusting and embarrassing to listen to her. I felt like showering when I got home. Finally, one day I told her that “ladies didn’t talk like that.”and admonished her to “be a lady.” Except for occasionally, it solved the problem.
Good luck. Keep us updated.
Re weak TP, I switched to Ultra Strong years ago. That stuff was a life saver. Grandma does just not do a gentle one swipe wipe she goes for a full scrub down. Regular TP will fall apart and then there's a mound of it on the floor. Ultra Strong holds up pretty well.
Re wipe for her, the thing is I don't always know when she's going. She's ambulatory and there's a commode right next to her bed. Even if I had a commode alarm to alert me, she goes about ever 1-2 hours day and night. She's more active at night and sleeps during the day. But that's another problem. The lack of sleep is killing me already.
Re glove, I do that when I notice she's on the commode. At first she struggled with me about it but now she will let me put a glove on. That's a lifesaver. Here's what I've found, a very loose slippery glove like for food service is much easier to put on than a tight fitting latex/nitrile glove. It just slips on. Unfortunately, I'm not close to catching every time she uses the commode.
Dried poop is so hard to get off hands. Wetnaps don't really do it. Repeated hand sanitizer does most work. Lately, I've been trying a wet washcloth presoak and then a wipe down. None of this is made easy since during all this she's is struggling with me and complaining that I'm always bothering her.
I'd also try to avoid blame, as it seems you think that grandma is at fault for what she is doing. I'd read a lot about the reasons and how people are not responsible for their behavior when they are sick.
I just jumped in and said,"Let me help you".
I didn't bother with toilet paper, too easy for "breakthrough".
Huggies or Costco baby wipes work the best. We also bought gloves and a roll of plastic bags.
I would unfold a bag, then put on the gloves, check the diaper (and put it in the bag if wet), then put the wipes in the bag after cleaning her, then take off gloves and tie it up and out to the trash.
After "taking over" a few times, she just let me do it.
What a poopy situation💩
but it worked for us.
This sounds like a woman who had an elaborate ritual of booty cleansing for most of her life but now, when she attempts to complete the ritual she has synaptic short circuits and botches the job.
I know, knowing why doesn’t help. Maybe her meds need adjustment?
But that was one particularly memorably occasion, and you (I realise there is a downside to this as well) at least have an identifiable routine to work with.
Get some disposable plastic aprons and some disposable plastic gloves. You can buy bulk supplies cheaply online.
Then just get in there and be her spare pair of hands throughout the process from wiping to hand-washing. Act as far as possible as if you *are* her, doing the job in as natural a sequence as you can. For her dignity it is best to allow her to do as much as she can for herself, but you can hand her the right amount of paper properly folded, you can keep her clothing out of the way, you can head off any mega-lumps threatening to creep inside her wristbands (oh dear God how do we survive this..?).
For the hand washing, run a handbasin full of warm water in advance. Guide her - chatting cheerfully the while - to the basin, soap your own hands, then take hers and wash them as though they were yours. Refill the basin, rinse her hands thoroughly, then also dry them thoroughly.
What you're aiming for, broadly, is for her not to notice that you're there but just to end up really thoroughly clean and comfortable. Distract her with comments about what a pretty scent the soap has, or is this her regular brand of toilet paper you must remember to get that one next time, or that her tv programme starts in five minutes so you thought she'd like a hand. Don't confront her or argue with her about things she isn't doing right, just help her to do them or if necessary do them for her.
If your mom will allow you to clean her up that would be the best solution. Second best would be for her to don gloves once she's in the bathroom. You as well in case she'd let you help her. Then just slip the gloves off inside out and toss them in the trash when she's done. You may not be able to break her habit of looking at the tissue before she flushes it but maybe if she's wearing gloves you won't have the clean up every time she goes.
Elderly people and their poop *shaking my head*
You have my sympathy. Seriously! Perhaps you could get her some disposable gloves to wear before she enters washroom. Of course this would mean waylaying her at the door before she enters bathroom. Other than that, don't know what to say.
There's already a bidet in the bathroom. I put it there years ago when grandma was using a cup of water to clean herself off. She used to use that bidet all the time. Now, I can't get her into the bathroom at all let alone to use the bidet.
Makes me want to scream!
Would a bidet help?
Maybe you could just take some time out before New Year's, and wash your hair for now? It sounds like the poop is everywhere, so your hygiene needs to be stepped up.
Hoping you have more than one bathroom. You have my sympathy....others will be along to help you! Maybe next year, Lol.
Hugs...