What to do with power hungry brother who is guardian of Mom and will not let us take care of her?
My brother has control of my mother. My sister and I have guardian of her assets,bills,care of house,Taxes,legal bills, room and board. Her house is 10-11 hours from my house. My brother decided my mother was too much for him after 3 month. My sister and I begged my brother not to put her in a nursing home, give her to us, but he said no and he is her guardian, so he can do what he wants. We were the only ones responsible to sign the contract because we are guardian of the money spent. We are not allowed to take her out for anything. We can only see her at the home. We go a couple times every week for about 3-4 hours. We try to stimulate her make her walk read and sing with us etc. He will visit 1-2 times a month for 10-15 minutes. We are now in a law suit to take guardian away from him. What money, my mother has is being spent on legal fees. He will not give us mom. He is being vindictive and my mother is paying the price.he has now taken the SSN that we used to pay her R&B,house bills,legal, clothing, depends, and his lawyer has ordered us to show all of our accounts investment,mortgage, etc.even my children & husband & also my mothers. He said this is only the beginning.he will make our lives hell for challenging him. I now have to put security on the outside of my house. My mother is losing hope of us getting her out and she has become complacent. She has fallen twice. Now she has no spirit, they have broken her. All she said is "what ever" or " I do not care." I have told her we are fighting to get her out and she said when and how soon, then she wants to leave now. And I have to tell her we are waiting on the judge. I do not know if we will win. My poor mother is suffering because of family dispute. My brother refuses to give up his power. I cannot believe he really cares about her or he would not do this. This legal fight had completely broken up our family.
If I ask him about my mother's health, he is threating me with a restraining order so I cannot ask about my mother. My lawyer thinks that this is a power struggle with him. I am 59, my sister is 57, and he is only 48 and his wife is even younger.
He did it illegally. I refuse to pay for it. before my mother stayed at my brother's house, she spent time at my house. it was hard at times but we handled it. We also have LTC ins. For respite. My sister and I would work it out along with Long term care agency. My mother can walk, read, sing And understand jokes and laugh. I know down the road we might have to. My mother and father took care of both grandparents until they died. Every one in the family helped. I played her type of music and sing with her. My sister and I am guardian of my mother's assets.
My brother has guardian of my mother the ward.
She needs and crave love and hugs and kisses. Nursing Homes cannot provide family love.my sister and I have always a close relationship withy mother. When I was younger we would get together all the time. At least once or twice go out for coffee and talk for hours.
I understand your pain and I'm really sorry. But honestly, I think you need to seriously research all that goes into taking care of an alz patient. Read some of the posts around here and you'll know what to expect. Your mom will NOT get better and I'm sorry to say it. It'll just keep getting a lot worse. You need to mentally prepare yourself for that and know it. If you honestly believe that your mom will somehow get better being in one of your homes, I'm sorry to tell you that you're mistaken. By all means take her in if you're determined. Anyone would prefer being home with family to a NH. But understand, too, what you're going to be facing in the future and get ready for all the changes. There will be many.
Best of luck!
Leave her be and visit her often she is being taken care of and all her needs are being met..