This is the first time we've dealt with a disagreement between the two. Seems to me that the one who holds the purse strings is going to win. But the one who is making the health decisions is better placed to determine which facility is best suited to the person's needs, I think. But if the financial power of attorney won't release the funds.....
It boils down to a disagreement about how long the money needs to last. No Medicaid is involved. Anyone know how this will play out?
He can oppose the choice on the grounds that it is unaffordable for the principal and therefore not likely to be the best for her long-term interests. And he would probably have to sign the contract, wouldn't he. So he can certainly stall it, I suppose.
A disagreement about how long the money needs to last..? And which of you is the certified clairvoyant?
So, does that mean, that the health person believes that the parent is not long for this world and should live in luxury for less time; whereas the money person is anxious to husband resources to ensure that they will outlive the parent?
How about you both keep looking and find a compromise facility. Either that, or you find a friendly actuary to tell you which of you has the arithmetic in your corner.
By the way. The parent may be incompetent, that after all is why you are both making these decisions; but that doesn't mean you can't try to ascertain which facility s/he prefers. Is s/he well enough for a visit?
My experience as my dad's guardian and conservator may or may not be helpful for your family. In looking for a place for my dad for more than a year (with countless visits at varying hours and days of the week), I saw many facilities change their care practices and had their ratings change as either the cause or the effect of ownership and/or management changes. One facility manager advised me that it isn't worth the effort of trying to make a plan for much longer than a year because there are too many changing variables negating the value of long-term plans. Adding to the difficulty of finding the right place close enough for daily visits was that several of my siblings wanted our dad to move to a less expensive place rather than the best place (with the most training and highest staff to resident ratio), even though he was in stage 6/7 Alzheimer's, was 95 years old, and I had a 5-year financial plan to keep him at the best place. (And I was told the best place had an endowment that could be used to help pay for his care if he ran out of assets after 5 years, but that wasn't in writing.) Unfortunately, 14 months after moving him to the best place, I was told he needed hospice help to allow him to remain there, so I got him on hospice, but after a few months was told he still needed to relocate because hospice help was no longer sufficient. Then, after completing another arduous facility search process, my dad died before I was able to move him. All of this caused me to recall the words of the facility manager who had advised me that making plans for much longer than a year isn't worth the effort.
Again, best wishes for your family's decision-making process during this hard time.
I hope that as the dementia progresses in our loved one, the moves aren't too traumatic. There is an option for a place that has an endowment like you mention, but it has a three year wait! Thank you for sharing your experience. I will make sure I mention this experience if I am asked to weigh in.
The financial POA negotiated a discount with the Health Care POA's preferred facility. Problem solved.
I did not know these fees can be negotiated! I thought that information might be helpful.
Can you check with the lawyer who produced the documents?
Thank you for your comment.
That said, the dependent person's long-term financial viability is a legitimate consideration (but not heirs' possible future inheritances), so obviously it would be ideal for your husband to reach an amicable agreement with the other person (the one with health care proxy, I presume). If your husband hasn't already thoroughly researched and visited the alternative residences (many times at different hours and days) and otherwise tried hard to understand why the more expensive residence is preferred by the close-by, hands-on person, then he should do that. Getting a complete understanding of why the more expensive residence was chosen by the other person might help resolve the disagreement.
You said Medicaid is not involved, but recognize the absence of Medicaid could be temporary because dementia care is costly and people suffering from it can live many years, sometimes decades, even in late-stage dementia. Also know that many of the best memory care facilities will only accept Medicaid's lower-than-market reimbursement rates after a resident has private paid for a certain number of months or years.
Best wishes in getting these family disagreements resolved. It is a hard time for all and sometimes difficult to stay focused on the person whose well-being is completely dependent on others.
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