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In 2017, my mom has had a subarachnoid hemorrhagic stroke and has since been left with extensive cognizant deficits. The DPOA became active at that time and I am the primary agent and have been caring for her since then. She is incapacitated to the point she requires 24/7 supervision, prompting for basic needs, and unable to make legal decisions.



I am planning on moving out, and leaving her in the care of my cousin who has been taking care of her the past few months. I would like to appoint her as a secondary agent. Do I put her as a secondary agent, or do we create a limited POA? Do I have the authority to do this?



Or do we need to go to court for this and go through appointing a conservator? Furthermore, it is clear with the years we have taken her to the doctors and we can procure proof that she is unable to make such decisions with the doctors she has seen. I am hoping to avoid the court and hoping it’ll be an easy process, and hopefully not financially straining. What is the steps/timeline for this if it happens to be the only way?

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No you cannot appoint your cousin as moms secondary agent. Only your mom can change the POA status. And it sounds like her mental capacity is too far gone to make any legal changes.
So if you're wanting to give up your authority as moms POA, then you'll have to have your cousin go to court and file for guardianship which will cost thousands of dollars.
Or you can stay as moms POA and hire your cousin with moms money to care for her and you manage from afar. Just make sure that you're keeping strict records of all monies exchanged for her care as you are responsible as her fiduciary to do so. Also your cousin will have to pay taxes on what she earns. You would be wise to see an attorney to make sure that you have all your ducks in a row as not to cause your mom any issues down the road if she were to need Medicaid.
So again, you have NO authority to add to or change moms POA's. Only your mom does.
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jwong089 Jun 2023
What do you mean by having all our ducks in a row so as not to cause problems for her to get Medicaid? I think she already has it since she’s been handicapped since and now 66 years old…(thanks in advance)
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Ducks in a row meaning you document everything in case Mom needs Medicaid for long-term care in a facility. Most States have a 5 yr look back period. Medicaid will question any large amounts of money going out of her bank acct. If you pay your cousin out of Moms money have a contract in place. You should be deducting payroll taxes too.

You may want to talk to an Elder Lawyer.

If Mom is on Social Security disability she probably gets Medicaid for health. There r also in home services you may want to look into if Mom is low income. Will give cousin a break.
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jwong089 Jun 2023
So mom has no assets basically, and she has been getting SSI and we have IHSS. I pay rent, utilities, food, and maybe 15-20% of that towards my personal expenses (since I’m technically working). I hope there will be a way to prove these “large” expenses. Not to mention purewick and diapers which are also quite hefty in expense. My other concern is that I have paid caregivers in cash as well, so how do I prove this?
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NO. YOU cannot appoint a POA in your stead, even temporarily. Only the person who conferred POA upon you can do that so long as competent to do so, and now apparently is not.

You are responsible no matter where you are and no matter for how many months. You, as POA, can hire someone to manage things, but you would be responsible, you would be the one to oversee things legally. You can hire a Licensed Fiduciary to manage everything as well, but YOU REMAIN POA until you legally remove yourself from that position with an attorney and court action at this point. And you cannot appoint other people.

If you do not wish to be POA let other family members know you are resigning. They can follow up to try to become guardian. Otherwise the courts will appoint a court appointed fiduciary, and at that point family will have nothing to say about things.
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jwong,

Thanks for your input below in answering us and in supplying more information. It is a huge help. You are correct that your Mom having no longer any assets other than her 1,000 per month SS income shows that really all her money is needed for the basics of her life.
However, you tell us now that you are paying 1,000s of dollar of your OWN money into her care now. I cannot stop your doing that, of course, but I will let you know that it is very unwise. You need now money being saved for your own elder years, a time when few will have any interest in you other than how much money you represent on the hoof.

Don't use your own money to care for your mom. And as to your being POA and now saying you are being moved out of where she lives? I shudder. How in the world can her care be managed by YOU when you are not there? And who remaining THERE will intend to expend the time and money for your Mom's care that you are. As POA you cannot endanger your Mom?

You say above you are moving out for a few months. Yet below you tell us you have been asked to leave? How is that not permanent.

I admit myself confused about all that is happening. But I worry about you leaving Mom in the care of a cousin when she has no funds for her care, nor her POA to watch over her care and ascertain it is good enough.

I would see an elder law attorney now about turning over care of your mother to your cousin if cousin wishes to take it on. But FIRST you must know your cousin is capable of being guardian, as Mom isn't in any shape to assign all this at this point, and that your cousin accepts the responsibility of doing this and that the cousin is CAPABLE of doing this knowing that there is no monetary recompense.

You really need the advice of an attorney; this has become muddled.
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jwong089 Jun 2023
I have been living with my mom for the past 6 years. I was in direct care for my mom for the first 4 years, along with the help of a few other caregivers. Then I switched over to overseeing her care as my aunt and cousin have helped to take care of her the past two years. I have also been through three different caregivers, and have concluded that if it’s not them, she will probably be better in a skilled nursing facility. I remember when I was having to do everyone by myself, I was also not happy. So it’s safer that I manage her care, while delegating roles and assignments. And if I am “kicked out” for the condition that it will make it tolerable for them to continue to care for her, then that is what must be done. It doesn’t mean I won’t be managing her care, I just won’t be there on a daily basis to micromanage which I have no control over if I’m there constantly. If we don’t give a chance to our caregivers, then we should be caring them for ourselves. However, I know this isn’t going to be possible. Especially now that I work as well. Don’t worry I will still be in the same city and visit frequently.

She is my mom, so I will spend whatever I need to to keep her safe. However, you are correct. I will also make sure I invest and save for my future.

Thank you alvadeer for your thoughtful response. I appreciate that you also expressed your concern for the whole picture. I had already planned to go to an elder law specialist, but wanted to get some ideas of what to discuss.
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