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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Years ago she was told she had mild cognitive impairment, but "there is nothing wrong with your brain! Here are the xrays to show anyone who questions that!"
Mom says she's fine. Her doctors tell her she is fine. Relatives who call long distance for a few minutes think she is fine. So she is stuck on fine. Never mind that the CT shows her brain shriveled up like a raisin. Apparently when you are 87 that is just fine. Sandandsun, just tell her she is fine, because I have told my MIL she has Dementia and she doesn't remember. It's like telling a drunk they are besotted. They don't remember it the next day. Insults here are often unintentional outbursts of emotional overload. Don't take them to heart, forgive their venting, and move on.
You don't say anything. If your mom was diagnosed with dementia and refuses to believe it don't cram it down her throat. She may not remember you having told her or she may be in denial. Either way it doesn't do anyone any good to force information upon someone with dementia. It's asking too much of them and will only drive us nuts.
I don't understand why anyone would offer X-rays as proof that there's nothing wrong with your mother's brain. X-rays would show the bones in the skull and the nasal sinuses, and they'd be able to detect calcifications within the brain, but they wouldn't show the brain itself. Maybe your mother misunderstood, or whoever told her that was trying to reassure her that she was okay.
It's probably best not to try and convince her that she has dementia. It would only make her angry and defensive, and even if she seems to understand what you're telling her, she'll probably forget.
Some patients benefit from acknowledging that they have dementia. That can be very helpful for the caregiver. Many would not be helped by knowing. In this case I see nothing to be gained by getting Mom to recognize what she prefers to deny.
My husband acknowledged his dementia from the very beginning. It was very useful to him in understanding his strange new world to know there were physical problems in his brain. We never use the "D" word with our mother -- denial has been her major coping mechanism all her life. What would be the point?
With Mom I don't say, "That's happening because you have dementia." I say, 'It's not important that you don't remember whether you've had lunch. Other people will keep track of when you've eaten and not let you miss a meal unless you want to. You took care of other people all you life. It's time to relax and let yourself be taken care of a little."
It is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Keep in mind that often a person with dementia will forget what you say but may remember for a long time your tone of voice and attitude. Be a comfort to Mom.
This was my first post on this site, and it may be my last. Perhaps Eyerishlass was having a bad day, but I felt like I was being attacked. I have since read some of the experts advice, which has been helpful. Since I was with my mother when the neurologist told her the results, I do think he was trying to reassure her. Unfortunately, her intellect level has always made her defensive. She is a former nurse, and I know she understood what he meant. Now, when she is frightened, and says she doesn't understand, and I know it is denial, I don't know how to respond. But, regardless, if she chooses not to "want to know", I will follow the experts advice and not try to explain. I understand we are different people, and while I would want to know and would require details, she chooses to deny. That is her safety net. Thank you Sodonewithsal1 for your compassionate and kind response. Perhaps I will try again with my need for support.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Insults here are often unintentional outbursts of emotional overload. Don't take them to heart, forgive their venting, and move on.
It's probably best not to try and convince her that she has dementia. It would only make her angry and defensive, and even if she seems to understand what you're telling her, she'll probably forget.
My husband acknowledged his dementia from the very beginning. It was very useful to him in understanding his strange new world to know there were physical problems in his brain. We never use the "D" word with our mother -- denial has been her major coping mechanism all her life. What would be the point?
With Mom I don't say, "That's happening because you have dementia." I say, 'It's not important that you don't remember whether you've had lunch. Other people will keep track of when you've eaten and not let you miss a meal unless you want to. You took care of other people all you life. It's time to relax and let yourself be taken care of a little."
It is not a one-size-fits-all situation. Keep in mind that often a person with dementia will forget what you say but may remember for a long time your tone of voice and attitude. Be a comfort to Mom.