She is telling everyone she can that I hit her and I abuse her when it's actually the other way around. I've been hit, pushed, spit on and verbally and mentally abused by her. She refuses to let me help her bathe or cut her hair and doesn't leave the house so I do everything for her. She doesn't want me to inherit anything and says she's disowning me and taking me to court. I'm her only daughter and don't know what to do about having her evaluated since she refuses to go to the doctor. She hasn't seen a doctor for any follow-up from breast cancer or an aortic anyuerism. She is delusional thinking I'm trying to take her money and won't sign poa or pay for home health care. The police said I needed to get her some help but I don't know what to do.
How long do you feel that you can continue doing this? You’re going to hit a breaking point if you don’t choose to stop it.
Look at it this way. You have done all that you can possibly do to help. Has it helped? Be honest. No, it hasn’t.
Your mom needs more than your good intentions. She needs the best possible care which is to be in a place that is safe for her, and equally as important is for you to be safe, both physically and mentally.
Contact a social worker. Contact a therapist to help sort out your emotions.
Start looking at facilities.
When all is settled you will feel better knowing that you did what was best.
Take care.
You do not say if you live with HER in HER home. If that is the case all of this becomes a good deal more problematic. If she is considered competent and returned to her home you will need to leave, yourself. You can then report her to APS as an elder at risk, in need of their case care and assessment, and you will need to get on with your own life.
If all this came on suddenly she may have a UTI but it does sound as though you are describing something a good deal more serious.
Either your Mom is competent or she is not. Assessment in hospital is the only way to ascertain that. So next outburst call 911. When ambulance attendants come she will likely fly into a rage. That will be a good thing, and will get her taken to the ER. From there, she is either sent home as competent or she is assessed. If she is competent there is no way to force care on her for either her aneurysm or her breast care. The former is likely untreatable; the latter is treatable but no one can force her to treat it unless she is completely incompetent to make her own decisions.
Wishing you luck, and so sorry you are going through all of this.