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I'm a part-time aide in a special ed elementary school. I'm gone about 4 hours and before the pandemic hit, I hired an aide for my mom.. My school was remote March- June , then summer came, and in Sept, I took 3 months unpaid leave. I have about a month left for my leave to end.


I'm not keen on hiring an aide for now - I guess I will have to insist on a covid test every week for them. We have a created a bubble at home by not stepping out and still get groceries delivered.


So it is hard for me to imagine an aide coming daily into this bubble. But Mom will get all anxious when there's no one to reassure her that "Wren will be back soon from school". She will most likely just sit in the dark in her room since she cannot operate a laptop or ipad etc. She could read magazines that I can leave for her. My family will be in their rooms with Zoom meeting/online classes and will not check on her.


My head says to quit but my heart is breaking. The job is my only lifeline to sanity even in normal times. We don't have an active social life. I love my students, colleagues and my salary contributes to mom's expenses (health insurance mainly).


If I quit, who knows if I will be hired back when covid is over??? Even if I am hired back, I will lose all seniority and the school follows last hire-first fired policy when budgets are cut. I might get assigned to a nasty teacher (have heard horror stories) .


I'm getting a headache even as I'm typing this-I cannot go on sitting at home with mom for the next year without my school job. If mom catches covid because I worked in my job, I will put it down to bad luck. OTOH, I will also feel guilty that I did not do everything in my power to keep her safe.


I cannot work remote since my school is open & staff is back at work.

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Wren, you matter as much as your mom. Please do what keeps you healthy and addresses your wellbeing.
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notgoodenough Oct 2020
Great answer! Sometimes, we as caregivers forget that we matter, too...thank you for that reminder ITRR!
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Wren, for perspective; in 1975, my 92 year old grandma lived with us. 12 year old brother brought home what turned out to be the flu. Grandma caught it and it is what ultimately killed her (to be clear, it caused her to develop pneumonia, blood clots, then gangrene.
It is gangrene that is listed on her death certificate, although there is some debate as to whether my aunt clipping her toenails is what led to the infection in her foot).

My point is that COVID is here to stay. The lock downs earlier this year prevented the hospitals in some cities from getting overwhelmed with cases (I live in NYC and saw this first hand in my neighborhood).

Elders are vulnerable to infection and unless they are totally isolated, they are going to catch what is out there. I would work, hire aides and remain cautious and do lots of masking and handwashing at home.
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Thank you all - so good to get your thoughts on this. God bless you all.
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You have already given up so much to look after your mother, I think you expect much too much of yourself. Keep your job.
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I work 3 days at week at a major hospital, and I work with both covid and non covid PTs. At this point we have less than 20 pts in our entire east coast hospital. I am part of a hospital study on antibodies,, so far very few of us have those. If I did not work I would literally go insane! I am 62, and while I could retire, I have no plans to in the near future. My 90 YO mother lives with us,, while she has many other health issues, no Covid! I take normal covid precations, even though I carpool. I mask at work and when out ( but not with my near friends or relatives) and I wash my hands if I have been out of the house. I am not crazy about using hand sanitizer every 10 minutes in my car like some are. LOL. I guess I agree when its time, its time. I think you should keep your job, and just have the CG use the precautions you are comfortable with.
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Wren, between a rock and a hard place. All you can do is try. See how it works. Your family is going to have to do help to a point. Must have breaks during virtual school where Mom can be checked on. Leave lunch.

Such a hard decision.
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Don't quit your job. Living in a bubble can't go on forever, let's face it. We all have to get back to life and stop living in fear of a virus that has such a high recovery rate. While we're so worried about getting COVID, we could wind up getting the flu and dying from IT, or any number of other illnesses that are out there in the world. My mother has had pneumonia 3x already and she's almost 94, still alive and kicking, too, considering pneumonia kills a HUGE percentage of this age group. When our number is up, it's UP, that's the way to look at things.

I would keep my job and ask any aide's that come into your home to wear a mask. That's about all you can do.

Good luck!
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I hope you’ll keep your job. There’s no predicting how long Covid will last and no foolproof plan for any of us. You’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask
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Do everything in your power to stay well masked, do handwashing. But my advice would be to keep the job you love and have this respite away from home. All of life is a gamble; this is one, as well. My daughter does this same work, and loves it; and yes, she has had the nasty teacher as well. You survive them best by shining them on until they die of your kindness. Wishing you good luck.
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You answered your own question in your 2nd to last paragraph, where you said, "I cannot go on sitting at home with mom for the next year without my school job" So be ok with that. It's good to have a job you enjoy and that gives you a break from caregiving. You need that for your mental health. Covid will eventually pass, so please take care of you first. You can't be any good to your mom, if you're not good. God bless you.
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I think I would identify all the negative and positive issues, list them, and see if you can develop remediation efforts.  E.g., I just read an article on contact touching and whether or not items you touch may be as seriously transferable as previously thought.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/stop-wiping-down-groceries-and-focus-on-bigger-risks-say-experts-on-coronavirus-transmission/ar-BB1aiqpp?ocid=msedgntp

Can you contain these risks to your satisfaction?  If so, continue to work.  Not only will it contribute to self esteem, it'll be a diversion from caregiving and balance out your day.  (something we all need).  

Are you eligible for FMLA?  

Personally, I think caregivers and those for whom they care  need some space from each other, and that diversion contributes to better relationships...generally, and over all, and I'm excluding those people whose situations either require 24/7 care or are very demanding and want 24/7 care even if it's not necessary.

One thing I would do is spend the first half hour or hour after work with your mother, telling her what your students did, bringing her into your work environment so that she doesn't feel left out.    It helps create bonds that also contribute to tolerance of time apart...at least in my experience.
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worriedinCali Oct 2020
The OP likely already took FMLA since she says she took 3 months off. If that wasn’t FMLA, she’s not going to be eligible anyway she hasn’t worked 1250 hours in the last year. She’s a part time employee who took 3 months off already.
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Don’t quit your job; you need this for you. Do the best you can for your mother. No one can be 100% safe anywhere.
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My mother lives in a nursing home that Covid swept through in June. She never caught it, and it was obviously brought in by staff members. Most of the residents who caught it recovered with little or no trouble, and the staff members still go home every night to their families, live their lives, and come in every morning. They haven't had another case since early July.

I don't advocate putting your entire life on hold in order to hide from this virus, but that's a decision you need to make for yourself. The chances your mother will die from the virus are relatively small, even if they are greater than for a younger person. However, she also could die from the flu, or a fall, or any number of things. You can't avoid every "what if."

What you should do is take every reasonable precaution you can. Leave your shoes in the garage when you come home. Put your clothes straight into the laundry and shower right away. Do the obvious hand washing and wash your masks every day. Don't go to work if you feel sick or have a fever or cough. Require the same of any aide you hire.

I'm going to be working the election as a poll worker for seven days starting next week, and these are the things I'll be doing. I'll do everything I can to avoid catching Covid, but I'm not going to keep my life on hold either.
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