I just found out my 75 yrs old dad has terminal lung cancer. I have 4 siblings we all live in different states from our dad. My dad is mean and he can't do anything for himself. He is terrified of nursing homes. The doctor said he can do hospice at his home. Only one of my siblings is willing to help me with him, she suggested we take turns staying with him as she lives in Arizona I live in Indiana my dad lives in Michigan. He wants to stay in his own home. My husband of 4 yrs is upset and doesn't want me to move with my dad. He basically gave me an ultimatum him or my dad. Though my dad is very mean I still love him and it hurts me to think he has 5 children and only me and my youngest sister is willing to help him until the end. I feel my husband is being selfish. I am torn and confused. Please help
This forum is full of anguished posts from adult children who have moved in with mean, abusive, etc. moms and dads to the point of damaging their own lives. It is sad. Take some time to reconsider this situation before you become one of them.
Maybe there is a solution that is not perfect but will provide easier family presence during your dad's cancer journey? How sick is he right now? Can he still travel? Can he stay with you (with your husband's blessing of course)? You will still need to have outside medical help, This is your dad's expense and not yours. Please don't leave your husband to care for your dad. And don't drain your savings over this. Once you can move beyond your desire to move there to care for him talk to your other siblings again and they may have some better ideas. Soon others will post some very helpful thoughts and ideas.