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Mom has short term memory loss due to on set dementia. Unfortunately she is active and can communicate but is in the locked down memory care side of the facility because she talks about going home a lot and they're afraid she would walk out.
Talk to someone at the facility. And you should respect what the facility determines for her care needs. There are a lot of good suggestions here. For instance can you, or someone take her to join in some of the social activities that are offered on the assisted living and the memory care side? Visit her often, and arrange for friends and family to visit and engage her in a game or an outing, or just to visit and talk.
Since she is a "flight risk" she needs to stay in the locked down part of the facility. You can work with the staff to get activities brought in to her.
I would want to know what activities do they have in their memory care? I bet it is not the same as the AL side. Is she invited to go on outings with others on the AL? probley not most facilities don't co mingle the2 as it involves more staff for the outing. Is the menu the same? do they have choices or allowed to ask for something else to eat? bet you pay more for her to be in memory care. Basic reason given so she is safe? Has the facility stated they just don't have enough staff? Remember it doesn't really matter the reason they give its not ok. I have seen many facilities at night with maybe 2 care staff for 30plus residents and don't be surprised if one of them is just doing a peak in 10minute check in memory care. Remember less is more. The less staff the more $$$ for owners. Try too visit mom at maybe midnight. Or maybe 4/5am. It's a whole different world. Never call in advance that you are going to visit so late. Fyi regulations state you have the right to unannounced visit 24/7. Don't let them tell you otherwise if they do you might want to look for another facility. I am not trying to be mean but this is all facted based. I truly apologize but there are other things that can help mom should she feel the need to go out the door attempting to go home. Cute door chimes are great, So are motion dolls that have a cute sound when the front door opens. We had a catfish that would sing when my dad would get to the door. Locking her up and throwing away the key is not one of them. That last statement was told to me years ago by a wonderful lady In a locked memory care that stated she was bord.
Mom is active, that's great. When you move her from MC to AL who are you going to sue when mom decides to go for a walk and gets lost? The person sitting at the front desk is not going to be responsible for watching her. The AL staff will not keep an eye on her. they have plenty to do without "babysitting" everyone that tries to walk through any one of the doors that leads out. What happens when she gets on the bus or van with the others to go to the store or one of the other outings and she does not get back to the bus? They can't wait forever. Is she going to know what facility she is living in? Will she know the address and phone number? If she calls you panicked how long will it take you to get to her to bring her back to the facility? I am a firm believer that a person with dementia should not be in AL. The risks are far to great. A person that never wanders my decide to go for a walk, go get the mail, need something from the store even though there is no mail and they need nothing from the store and they have no idea where they are in relation to the store.
The MC should have an outdoor area that residents can get to . If not request that mom be taken out for a walk a few times a week. Ask that the activity director get mom involved in activities. If possible maybe even help with some of the activities.
Just a word of caution from personal experience. My sister and I moved our father with mild Dementia to AL facility in Oct 2023. He did not have access to a vehicle, but did go outside on his own for long walks as he missed his independence. He was doing okay with that routine until Feb 2025 when he got confused, crossed a 5-lane suburban street and was his by a car driven by a 16-year old. The driver was NOT at fault my dad simply misjudged the distance and ran out in front of the car. He ended up in the hospital with a broken clavicle and pelvis. The 16-year old was traumatized. Upon his release from the hospital, Dad was moved to Memory Care. The point is, it's extremely difficult to know when the lapse in judgement will occur that causes real trauma to your lived one as well as others.
My step-mother loved to be outside and walk, so we requested that she be allowed to do that with an aide, yes was the answer, they took her 3 times a week until she no longer could remember much of anything.
Since facility has concerns about her leaving, it is doubtful this facility will allow the move. You might ask them if they could bring her out of that side during the day so she can be more active with the other people.
Do the entrances/exits have security alarms? Maybe your mother would be able to wear an ankle monitor that would sound an alarm if she tried to get out. I've been to residential care facilities where the whole place was locked and everyone coming or going through the front doors into the parking lot had to be let in and out or have the door code.
The residents had a beautiful walled-in courtyard where they could come and go as they pleased all day long. The ones who were too far gone with dementia and were in the memory care part had their own little courtyard that they used. Maybe a facility like this for your mother? Or ask about the ankle bracelet alarm.
I am very glad you asked that question. I will be making a deposit for an excellent memory care facility for my mother tomorrow. I suspect that she may feel the same way and, to be honest, I have been wondering about it as well though I know she needs the help memory care can offer. This morning I talked with her about just that and asked her if she would be able to find her way around if she did go out and she admitted that she would get lost. She used to live in the same town. She knows that she has absolutely no sense of direction even when she’s at her best. I told her that some of her friends and I all had plans to take her places and visit her so she wouldn’t have to feel like she was in a prison (as she has expressed her fear) and since she’d be closer to all of us she would actually be able to do more. One place I looked at said they might possibly place her in assisted living but there was no way she’d be able to find her way around. How would she be able to learn to navigate in a new place if she doesn’t have a working short term memory? My mother realizes that she would not have the ability to relearn her way around a town she used to live in! It is hard but it keeps them from being another “lost senior found dead after wandering…” story on the news.
If your mom has wandering tendencies or threatens to leave, the facility will not take on the liability of something happening. That doesn't mean you can't go visit and take her to the assisted living side for visits and activities. Or hire someone to come in and play games with her or take her on a walk.
We have managed the care of several family members with dementia..the first being my husbands aunt who had never married or had children, so we were the only family she had left so we moved her to a facility closer to us. We had zero experience and made the mistake of placing her in assisted living and had a separate company coming in for three hours a day to help her get dressed and washed and provide some company to her because we felt the same way you do..."she is not as bad as the folks in memory care". Well, unfortunately she walked right out of the front door of the assisted living facility and another family found her walking around the parking lot and she didn't know where she was. What if no one would have seen her? What if it would have been winter and she froze to death? She could have been killed! We felt so guilty and immediately moved her to a locked down memory care.
I suggest looking for other ways to entertain your mom while keeping her safe in memory care.
Dementia is progressive. Don’t let your short term objective outweigh long term prognosis. As others have suggested, provide time outside with you or others as a companion, OR You can push to have her placed in assisted living, wait for her to “escape” and disappear, be injured, or die, and then file suit against the facility for negligence.
Talk to the administrative. Ask why it has been determined to place her in that area (memory care). There may (likely) be legal / liability issue the facility is both concerned about and abiding by required State/County rules and regulations. Yes, if she might 'walk out,' that is a liability issue - and they do not have the staffing to watch her 24/7.
I would encourage you to get either (or both) a paid caregiver in there to spend 1-2 hours with her a week and volunteers on 2-3 other days. She needs more socialization - contact schools (colleges), churches, networks to find volunteers.
My Uncle, who seemed to not be as demented as the others, on his very first escape from his MC facility fell while crossing a busy intersection. They were able to get him to the ER then back to MC. It only takes one time for it to be regrettable.
Although many seniors talk about going home when they sundown, your Mom sounds very capable of actually pulling it off -- which is worrisome.
Talk to the admins about having her be a "helper" for the activities director and see if they can safely give her other tasks in the afternoons. Or, consider meds for agitation and anxiety, which may tone down the "going home" thoughts.
When my FIL got to the SNF, I would have described him as "not as demented as others" but things changed on a dime and the hallucinations and delusions caught us really off guard. Thankfully, they had the resources to deal with it.
I would definitely ask for a family care plan meeting - and discuss options. I wouldn't hold my breath though - if she is in memory care - its likely for a reason.
You say that she is in the locked down memory care side because she talked about going home a lot and they are afraid she would walk out. Is there more to that? I would hazard that the vast majority of people in a facility (unless it is independent living) usually lean heavily on wanting to go home.
You say that she is active and bored. Is she capable of completing her Activities of Daily Living? Or will you have to essentially "a la carte" her needs in Assisted Living? Is she a flight risk? Can she remember to take medications? Will she remember to shower or change her clothes or eat? Or will you have to pay extra for each ADL that she needs prompting or assistance with?
Are you seeing her regularly? Or is this based on phone conversations? Sometimes its easier to showtime on the phone than in person. And if you are seeing her in person, how long are those visits - because again the ability to showtime is usually pretty short but can be maintained for short visits or phone calls.
You have a lot to think about. Definitely engage the staff who work with her daily to get their thoughts.
This is something you would need to discuss with the administration at the LTC center. They are the ones that know your mom's history and her activities. Wishing you good luck. Hope you will tell us what you learned after you come back from an appointment with the administration.
No, but you can have the help in her memory care bring her over into the assisted living side when they have something going on that she would enjoy. Or you can bring her over yourself to enjoy whatever is going on. I have seen that done over and over in the different facilities that I visit. It's a win win for everyone.
NeverGrowOld007, welcome to the forum. If your Mom is in Memory Care, that means the facility felt that was the right location for her.
I remember when my own Dad was living in an Independent Living facility, the Staff found Dad trying to leave the building late in the evening as he was developing what is called "sundowning", mean his mild dementia became worse after sunset, but went back to mild in the morning. The Staff highly recommended that Dad would be safer in Memory Care. Wouldn't be surprised that could what your Mom is going through.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There are a lot of good suggestions here. For instance can you, or someone take her to join in some of the social activities that are offered on the assisted living and the memory care side?
Visit her often, and arrange for friends and family to visit and engage her in a game or an outing, or just to visit and talk.
bet you pay more for her to be in memory care. Basic reason given so she is safe? Has the facility stated they just don't have enough staff? Remember it doesn't really matter the reason they give its not ok. I have seen many facilities at night with maybe 2 care staff for 30plus residents and don't be surprised if one of them is just doing a peak in 10minute check in memory care. Remember less is more. The less staff the more $$$ for owners. Try too visit mom at maybe midnight. Or maybe 4/5am. It's a whole different world. Never call in advance that you are going to visit so late.
Fyi regulations state you have the right to unannounced visit 24/7. Don't let them tell you otherwise if they do you might want to look for another facility. I am not trying to be mean but this is all facted based.
I truly apologize but there are other things that can help mom should she feel the need to go out the door attempting to go home. Cute door chimes are great, So are motion dolls that have a cute sound when the front door opens. We had a catfish that would sing when my dad would get to the door. Locking her up and throwing away the key is not one of them. That last statement was told to me years ago by a wonderful lady In a locked memory care that stated she was bord.
When you move her from MC to AL who are you going to sue when mom decides to go for a walk and gets lost?
The person sitting at the front desk is not going to be responsible for watching her.
The AL staff will not keep an eye on her. they have plenty to do without "babysitting" everyone that tries to walk through any one of the doors that leads out.
What happens when she gets on the bus or van with the others to go to the store or one of the other outings and she does not get back to the bus? They can't wait forever.
Is she going to know what facility she is living in? Will she know the address and phone number? If she calls you panicked how long will it take you to get to her to bring her back to the facility?
I am a firm believer that a person with dementia should not be in AL. The risks are far to great. A person that never wanders my decide to go for a walk, go get the mail, need something from the store even though there is no mail and they need nothing from the store and they have no idea where they are in relation to the store.
The MC should have an outdoor area that residents can get to . If not request that mom be taken out for a walk a few times a week.
Ask that the activity director get mom involved in activities. If possible maybe even help with some of the activities.
Please do not move her to AL.
The residents had a beautiful walled-in courtyard where they could come and go as they pleased all day long. The ones who were too far gone with dementia and were in the memory care part had their own little courtyard that they used. Maybe a facility like this for your mother? Or ask about the ankle bracelet alarm.
We have managed the care of several family members with dementia..the first being my husbands aunt who had never married or had children, so we were the only family she had left so we moved her to a facility closer to us. We had zero experience and made the mistake of placing her in assisted living and had a separate company coming in for three hours a day to help her get dressed and washed and provide some company to her because we felt the same way you do..."she is not as bad as the folks in memory care". Well, unfortunately she walked right out of the front door of the assisted living facility and another family found her walking around the parking lot and she didn't know where she was. What if no one would have seen her? What if it would have been winter and she froze to death? She could have been killed! We felt so guilty and immediately moved her to a locked down memory care.
I suggest looking for other ways to entertain your mom while keeping her safe in memory care.
You can push to have her placed in assisted living, wait for her to “escape” and disappear, be injured, or die, and then file suit against the facility for negligence.
I would encourage you to get either (or both) a paid caregiver in there to spend 1-2 hours with her a week and volunteers on 2-3 other days. She needs more socialization - contact schools (colleges), churches, networks to find volunteers.
Gena / Touch Matters
Although many seniors talk about going home when they sundown, your Mom sounds very capable of actually pulling it off -- which is worrisome.
Talk to the admins about having her be a "helper" for the activities director and see if they can safely give her other tasks in the afternoons. Or, consider meds for agitation and anxiety, which may tone down the "going home" thoughts.
When my FIL got to the SNF, I would have described him as "not as demented as others" but things changed on a dime and the hallucinations and delusions caught us really off guard. Thankfully, they had the resources to deal with it.
I would definitely ask for a family care plan meeting - and discuss options. I wouldn't hold my breath though - if she is in memory care - its likely for a reason.
You say that she is in the locked down memory care side because she talked about going home a lot and they are afraid she would walk out. Is there more to that? I would hazard that the vast majority of people in a facility (unless it is independent living) usually lean heavily on wanting to go home.
You say that she is active and bored. Is she capable of completing her Activities of Daily Living? Or will you have to essentially "a la carte" her needs in Assisted Living? Is she a flight risk? Can she remember to take medications? Will she remember to shower or change her clothes or eat? Or will you have to pay extra for each ADL that she needs prompting or assistance with?
Are you seeing her regularly? Or is this based on phone conversations? Sometimes its easier to showtime on the phone than in person. And if you are seeing her in person, how long are those visits - because again the ability to showtime is usually pretty short but can be maintained for short visits or phone calls.
You have a lot to think about. Definitely engage the staff who work with her daily to get their thoughts.
Wishing you good luck. Hope you will tell us what you learned after you come back from an appointment with the administration.
She's in the same facility.
Why not give this a try?
If it doesn't work there is little lost in the trying.
I have seen that done over and over in the different facilities that I visit. It's a win win for everyone.
I remember when my own Dad was living in an Independent Living facility, the Staff found Dad trying to leave the building late in the evening as he was developing what is called "sundowning", mean his mild dementia became worse after sunset, but went back to mild in the morning. The Staff highly recommended that Dad would be safer in Memory Care. Wouldn't be surprised that could what your Mom is going through.