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Mom has short term memory loss due to on set dementia. Unfortunately she is active and can communicate but is in the locked down memory care side of the facility because she talks about going home a lot and they're afraid she would walk out.
No, but you can have the help in her memory care bring her over into the assisted living side when they have something going on that she would enjoy. Or you can bring her over yourself to enjoy whatever is going on. I have seen that done over and over in the different facilities that I visit. It's a win win for everyone.
My Uncle, who seemed to not be as demented as the others, on his very first escape from his MC facility fell while crossing a busy intersection. They were able to get him to the ER then back to MC. It only takes one time for it to be regrettable.
Although many seniors talk about going home when they sundown, your Mom sounds very capable of actually pulling it off -- which is worrisome.
Talk to the admins about having her be a "helper" for the activities director and see if they can safely give her other tasks in the afternoons. Or, consider meds for agitation and anxiety, which may tone down the "going home" thoughts.
When my FIL got to the SNF, I would have described him as "not as demented as others" but things changed on a dime and the hallucinations and delusions caught us really off guard. Thankfully, they had the resources to deal with it.
I would definitely ask for a family care plan meeting - and discuss options. I wouldn't hold my breath though - if she is in memory care - its likely for a reason.
You say that she is in the locked down memory care side because she talked about going home a lot and they are afraid she would walk out. Is there more to that? I would hazard that the vast majority of people in a facility (unless it is independent living) usually lean heavily on wanting to go home.
You say that she is active and bored. Is she capable of completing her Activities of Daily Living? Or will you have to essentially "a la carte" her needs in Assisted Living? Is she a flight risk? Can she remember to take medications? Will she remember to shower or change her clothes or eat? Or will you have to pay extra for each ADL that she needs prompting or assistance with?
Are you seeing her regularly? Or is this based on phone conversations? Sometimes its easier to showtime on the phone than in person. And if you are seeing her in person, how long are those visits - because again the ability to showtime is usually pretty short but can be maintained for short visits or phone calls.
You have a lot to think about. Definitely engage the staff who work with her daily to get their thoughts.
This is something you would need to discuss with the administration at the LTC center. They are the ones that know your mom's history and her activities. Wishing you good luck. Hope you will tell us what you learned after you come back from an appointment with the administration.
Just a word of caution from personal experience. My sister and I moved our father with mild Dementia to AL facility in Oct 2023. He did not have access to a vehicle, but did go outside on his own for long walks as he missed his independence. He was doing okay with that routine until Feb 2025 when he got confused, crossed a 5-lane suburban street and was his by a car driven by a 16-year old. The driver was NOT at fault my dad simply misjudged the distance and ran out in front of the car. He ended up in the hospital with a broken clavicle and pelvis. The 16-year old was traumatized. Upon his release from the hospital, Dad was moved to Memory Care. The point is, it's extremely difficult to know when the lapse in judgement will occur that causes real trauma to your lived one as well as others.
Talk to the administrative. Ask why it has been determined to place her in that area (memory care). There may (likely) be legal / liability issue the facility is both concerned about and abiding by required State/County rules and regulations. Yes, if she might 'walk out,' that is a liability issue - and they do not have the staffing to watch her 24/7.
I would encourage you to get either (or both) a paid caregiver in there to spend 1-2 hours with her a week and volunteers on 2-3 other days. She needs more socialization - contact schools (colleges), churches, networks to find volunteers.
Dementia is progressive. Don’t let your short term objective outweigh long term prognosis. As others have suggested, provide time outside with you or others as a companion, OR You can push to have her placed in assisted living, wait for her to “escape” and disappear, be injured, or die, and then file suit against the facility for negligence.
If your mom has wandering tendencies or threatens to leave, the facility will not take on the liability of something happening. That doesn't mean you can't go visit and take her to the assisted living side for visits and activities. Or hire someone to come in and play games with her or take her on a walk.
We have managed the care of several family members with dementia..the first being my husbands aunt who had never married or had children, so we were the only family she had left so we moved her to a facility closer to us. We had zero experience and made the mistake of placing her in assisted living and had a separate company coming in for three hours a day to help her get dressed and washed and provide some company to her because we felt the same way you do..."she is not as bad as the folks in memory care". Well, unfortunately she walked right out of the front door of the assisted living facility and another family found her walking around the parking lot and she didn't know where she was. What if no one would have seen her? What if it would have been winter and she froze to death? She could have been killed! We felt so guilty and immediately moved her to a locked down memory care.
I suggest looking for other ways to entertain your mom while keeping her safe in memory care.
Talk to someone at the facility. And you should respect what the facility determines for her care needs. There are a lot of good suggestions here. For instance can you, or someone take her to join in some of the social activities that are offered on the assisted living and the memory care side? Visit her often, and arrange for friends and family to visit and engage her in a game or an outing, or just to visit and talk.
NeverGrowOld007, welcome to the forum. If your Mom is in Memory Care, that means the facility felt that was the right location for her.
I remember when my own Dad was living in an Independent Living facility, the Staff found Dad trying to leave the building late in the evening as he was developing what is called "sundowning", mean his mild dementia became worse after sunset, but went back to mild in the morning. The Staff highly recommended that Dad would be safer in Memory Care. Wouldn't be surprised that could what your Mom is going through.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I have seen that done over and over in the different facilities that I visit. It's a win win for everyone.
Although many seniors talk about going home when they sundown, your Mom sounds very capable of actually pulling it off -- which is worrisome.
Talk to the admins about having her be a "helper" for the activities director and see if they can safely give her other tasks in the afternoons. Or, consider meds for agitation and anxiety, which may tone down the "going home" thoughts.
When my FIL got to the SNF, I would have described him as "not as demented as others" but things changed on a dime and the hallucinations and delusions caught us really off guard. Thankfully, they had the resources to deal with it.
I would definitely ask for a family care plan meeting - and discuss options. I wouldn't hold my breath though - if she is in memory care - its likely for a reason.
You say that she is in the locked down memory care side because she talked about going home a lot and they are afraid she would walk out. Is there more to that? I would hazard that the vast majority of people in a facility (unless it is independent living) usually lean heavily on wanting to go home.
You say that she is active and bored. Is she capable of completing her Activities of Daily Living? Or will you have to essentially "a la carte" her needs in Assisted Living? Is she a flight risk? Can she remember to take medications? Will she remember to shower or change her clothes or eat? Or will you have to pay extra for each ADL that she needs prompting or assistance with?
Are you seeing her regularly? Or is this based on phone conversations? Sometimes its easier to showtime on the phone than in person. And if you are seeing her in person, how long are those visits - because again the ability to showtime is usually pretty short but can be maintained for short visits or phone calls.
You have a lot to think about. Definitely engage the staff who work with her daily to get their thoughts.
Wishing you good luck. Hope you will tell us what you learned after you come back from an appointment with the administration.
She's in the same facility.
Why not give this a try?
If it doesn't work there is little lost in the trying.
I would encourage you to get either (or both) a paid caregiver in there to spend 1-2 hours with her a week and volunteers on 2-3 other days. She needs more socialization - contact schools (colleges), churches, networks to find volunteers.
Gena / Touch Matters
You can push to have her placed in assisted living, wait for her to “escape” and disappear, be injured, or die, and then file suit against the facility for negligence.
We have managed the care of several family members with dementia..the first being my husbands aunt who had never married or had children, so we were the only family she had left so we moved her to a facility closer to us. We had zero experience and made the mistake of placing her in assisted living and had a separate company coming in for three hours a day to help her get dressed and washed and provide some company to her because we felt the same way you do..."she is not as bad as the folks in memory care". Well, unfortunately she walked right out of the front door of the assisted living facility and another family found her walking around the parking lot and she didn't know where she was. What if no one would have seen her? What if it would have been winter and she froze to death? She could have been killed! We felt so guilty and immediately moved her to a locked down memory care.
I suggest looking for other ways to entertain your mom while keeping her safe in memory care.
There are a lot of good suggestions here. For instance can you, or someone take her to join in some of the social activities that are offered on the assisted living and the memory care side?
Visit her often, and arrange for friends and family to visit and engage her in a game or an outing, or just to visit and talk.
I remember when my own Dad was living in an Independent Living facility, the Staff found Dad trying to leave the building late in the evening as he was developing what is called "sundowning", mean his mild dementia became worse after sunset, but went back to mild in the morning. The Staff highly recommended that Dad would be safer in Memory Care. Wouldn't be surprised that could what your Mom is going through.
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