Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Your profile says she is "94 years old, living in assisted living with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia"
If it were me I'd say no. If she has memory issues you will be re-telling her and she will be re-mourning the loss. If she asks about her friend I would opt for a "therapeutic fib" and tell her something less distressing ("I don't know what she's up to lately") . She won't be able to process bad news and work through her grief very well, as is what happens with dementia.
Just last night my MIL called us from LTC (which is pretty rare) with the delusion that my brother-in-law was "missing" (he lives in AZ and we are in MN) and she was very stressed out about it. We opted to tell her that Jeff was at our house (no he wasn't) and perfectly safe, but was out walking the dog at the moment so couldn't come to the phone. All was well after that.
When dementia is present in a 94 year old woman, telling her that her best friend died serves no good purpose. It will only upset her and she'll forget the information, making it necessary for you to keep repeating it again and again, causing her to relive the trauma again and again as a result.
The goal with AD and dementia is to keep the loved one calm and non-agitated. When one of the family members died, or a friend, I did not tell my 95 y/o mother who lived in Memory Care for these reasons. She was anxiety ridden enough w/o hearing bad news!!!
So sorry to hear this news, and so sorry that your mom is suffering with dementia; the long goodbye is the worst way to lose a loved one, I know. Best of luck.
You know your Mom much better than we do. I am going to guess that your guess about this is as good as, or much better than any guess we can make. Basically I believe in honesty. But I don't know your Mom, so will leave it to you to decide if honesty isn't the best move here.
A best friend. That's super sad. It's not like saying, hey, y'a remember Betty White? Well, she died. That wasn't too cheerful for almost everybody. Even closer and long lived, a best friend, boy oh boy, telling an old lady her best friend died, doesn't seem right.
On the other hand my husband's sweet old grandma use to love to speak about who died and pass around the news. She minded but having bad news was a sport for her.
Imo - I know it's tough to fib to mom, but I vote for being merciful. And so here are my rules for me: 1) When I can spare someone dear heartache, and pain, I spare them. 2) If the one receiving bad news doesn't benefit from hearing it, then no. 3) If I don't benefit from reporting hurtful news, then no. (That's a joke). And- 4) Being honest is very often cruel, and it takes a real big hearted, generous and thinking person to make that call.
Oh, wow. That is so sad. If you don't want to tell her and think it would upset her, I think you'd be completely justified in not telling. We had a situation like this in our family. My brother and stepmother were both very sick and passed away late last year. My brother lives quite some distance from us and my stepmother in AL didn't know he was sick (he declined very quickly). She decided she wanted to talk to the three of us in a conference call (myself and my two brothers). When she tried to arrange the call she found out about my brother, and it was so upsetting to her that she went downhill fast and died a short time later. So I would not blame you at all if you didn't want to say anything.
No, not if she has dementia. She'll get upset if she remembers that friend, but she'll forget you told her, then you'll tell her again and she'll experience the loss again. It's cruel.
I spent the last two years of my mom's life trying to convince her that her best friend HADN'T died. She was always sad about her friend's death, then perked up when I told her she was alive and kicking (which she was).
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If it were me I'd say no. If she has memory issues you will be re-telling her and she will be re-mourning the loss. If she asks about her friend I would opt for a "therapeutic fib" and tell her something less distressing ("I don't know what she's up to lately") . She won't be able to process bad news and work through her grief very well, as is what happens with dementia.
Just last night my MIL called us from LTC (which is pretty rare) with the delusion that my brother-in-law was "missing" (he lives in AZ and we are in MN) and she was very stressed out about it. We opted to tell her that Jeff was at our house (no he wasn't) and perfectly safe, but was out walking the dog at the moment so couldn't come to the phone. All was well after that.
The goal with AD and dementia is to keep the loved one calm and non-agitated. When one of the family members died, or a friend, I did not tell my 95 y/o mother who lived in Memory Care for these reasons. She was anxiety ridden enough w/o hearing bad news!!!
So sorry to hear this news, and so sorry that your mom is suffering with dementia; the long goodbye is the worst way to lose a loved one, I know. Best of luck.
Even closer and long lived, a best friend, boy oh boy, telling an old lady her best friend died, doesn't seem right.
On the other hand my husband's sweet old grandma use to love to speak about who died and pass around the news. She minded but having bad news was a sport for her.
Imo - I know it's tough to fib to mom, but I vote for being merciful.
And so here are my rules for me:
1) When I can spare someone dear heartache, and pain, I spare them.
2) If the one receiving bad news doesn't benefit from hearing it, then no.
3) If I don't benefit from reporting hurtful news, then no. (That's a joke).
And-
4) Being honest is very often cruel, and it takes a real big hearted, generous and thinking person to make that call.
I spent the last two years of my mom's life trying to convince her that her best friend HADN'T died. She was always sad about her friend's death, then perked up when I told her she was alive and kicking (which she was).