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What do I do when my sister is hysterical on the phone because my dad messed up again as he so often does. He blocked up the toilet and she had water running almost into her bedroom and had to clean up the mess after him yet again on her empty stomach early morning. Shame, she just said earlier that he is more passive and she can cope better now with him. And 10min later, she is hysterical. She has mopped up after him too often. Worse, we grew up with him visiting part-time and caused a lot of unhappiness in the home with my mom, so we feel that we don't mind looking out or after him, so to speak, as there is no one else to do it, but when you sit with a faeces problem first thing in the morning, or anytime for that matter, its really tough. Anyone else in a similar situation?

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Seenyapa, this is a tough one because unfortunately these types of accidents can be frequent and come along with the territory of caring for a loved one with ongoing chronic diseases. It
sounds to me like your poor sister
needs a break before she has a melt down. I remember going through this
situation with my dad and it's
exhausting and that's just one of the
many chores she.has to complete. If other siblings can help, if even for a
weekend it would really help. Also your sister cannot continue at this pace alone. Your family may want to consider outsourcing daily assistance such as a nurse or consider respite care if just for a short time period. You can also help by researching what assistance is available for your sister. Praying for your family.
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I am the one who takes care of Mom. Let your sister get hysterical to you and tell her when you will give her a break to look forward to. I get very upset with NO outside help and it helps just to be able to yell and cry to someone about what's going on. One minute I'm good and the next I feel so upset & stressed the room spins. She is lucky you are concerned about her and and has someone willing to come on a regular schedule. For the kitchen messes...My Mom wanders at night ( she argued with me she doesn't but we have ALL seen her, wide awake rooting through house at 3 am) When our Navy boy was home on leave and she knew he saw her she believed him and "decided" she must be sleep walking. We got 2 little door alarms at Walmart for $9 and they are LOUD! We told her we were putting them up for "her safety" so if she "sleep walks" we'll hear her before anything bad happens. We never even had to put them up. Her sleep walking stopped at just the thought of her knowing we would know how much she actually wanders ( like we didn't know before)
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Your sister needs to have the option to scream and get histerical. My MIL stuffs the jon with toilet paper each time she uses it but won't flush til the end of the day. She goes in cycles doing this and we can never anticipate. I have to go up each day before dark and clean out the bowl to prevent overflow. It aint fun. Especially when MIL gets angry you are in her apartment and I have to literally lock her out of the bathroom to do this. Support your sister any way you can. She needs it.
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Thank you to all your answers and support.

She works full-time and have a house-hold helper, but the uncanny part is that he for some reason always but always have these mishaps over a weekend or public holiday when my sister is trying to rest. She is very giving and caters to most of his whims, but there are times when I guess enough is enough, even if he cannot help it. What she doesn't understand is why he never asks for help and wait until it is so bad that its almost out of control. She often gets little sleep because he chooses to fidget in the kitchen at night and uses mayonnaise or cake essence to rub all over himself for some strange reason. She needs a break and I have offered to help in her absence.
I take him out once a week and always offer to help when I can.

I think he needs full-time care and we're exploring our options. He wont like it, but he may be better off that way. It isn't our first choice, but it gets harder all the time. When he messes, it is never in small doses, he'll mess up a whole bedroom or bathroom.
It's not on purpose but it sure is hard.
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Do you live close enough to run over and help your sister with the mess? I have had to deal with such messes with my son who has autism and it is much easier for me to cope with them when my husband is home to help. I feel so alone and so overwhelmed when it happens when I am alone with my son and there is no one to help.
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Oh boy do I remember situations like this.

I cared for my dad for 5 years in my home and he was incontinent of bowel (for the most part). He hated wearing Depends and I would have to beg him to wear them.

My dad would awaken earlier than I but I was in that sleep state where I was kind of asleep but was keeping one ear on what he was doing (his room was down the hall from mine, a straight shot). He also had diabetes. If he spent too much time in his room in the morning I knew I would get up to a disaster. There were mornings when I would be scrubbing blood out of the carpet (from wounds on the legs) or wiping down the bathroom that was full of stool. To this day I have no idea how my dad managed to get feces on the shower door!

Or if I hadn't heard any trouble coming from my dad's room in the morning I would wake up, stumble into the kitchen, and before I had a chance to get my coffee my dad would say, sheepishly, "I made a little mess in my room." So I had that waiting for me as soon as I could wake up a little.

It was always something.
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I'll bet your dad feels horrible about the unintentional mishap(s) and would clean it up himself if he could. Most parents don't want to be a burden on anyone.
I remember being in the position of cleaning and scrubbing all day when my father had C. Diff and it must have plugged him for a year. After each hospitalization that required an antibiotic, it would start all over again. Uncontrollable accidents everywhere. I made sure that he need not feel at fault.
I certainly understand your sister's frustration and a need for a break!
Best Wishes!
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Yes, I have a SIL who is very easily made hysterical. We leave her out of the picture except to take mom for a ride.
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is it possible that he fears getting her upset and then that's exactly what happens? i used to get really upset with my dad to the point he would get paralyzed and do exactly the wrong thing. (for the most part) i have calmed down now and it has made a real difference. i support him instead of criticize him and everyone is much happier.
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After my big long explanation on the meds we use for my dad I realized that the original post didn't say if the clog was from toilet paper or stool. In the case it might be the toilet paper, when I did have a plumber come out once, he recommended that we use single ply very thing tp and that would minimize clogs from too much paper - since that wasn't our problem I stay with the nice thick Cottonelle - it sure helps me clean him up when he does get messy -- I keep small trash bags, plastic gloves, paper towels and an extra pair of lounge pants under both of my bathroom sinks. I throw the plastic gloves (since I bought and use these I don't gag anymore) and all the paper, including toilet paper that has been folded up for clean up, into the plastic trash bag (I don't try to flush anything except poop at this point) and when all the clean up is done I tie the plastic bag up very tightly and take it out to the garbage bin. Once I got prepared it sure made everything easier and I can help him with love and kindness showing instead of despair and anger.
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