Sister is not forthcoming with any details, but is now urgently telling the family, she "can't do this any more and Mom is out of money." Mom flooded the house and caused 20k to 30k in damages. Insurance paid 4 k. Siblings found out about the flood 3 weeks after it happened. Mom can't get in and out of other CG vehicles as they are too tall, no Sunday drives. Meals are brought to her and she eats alone. Mom is frail and pleasantly demented. Incontinent 50% of the time (pullups). The Senior Center is closed due to Covid-19. The younger siblings who also take care of Mom haven't been paid, have more responsibilities and are exhausted. Sister is close to 80 years old herself and her husband has Parkinson's and her eldest son has autism. The perfect trifecta of a storm. I'm leaning towards bringing litigation to force Sister to place Mom (and to pay CGs and NH placement. ) Suggestions?
So, no one can force a POA / Executor to do anything?
The younger siblings are mentioning, have a sense of dementia / extra forgetting of details in the Executor...(perhaps it's stress...) which is why I am wanting someone, who is not this Sister to be appointed as executor/ POA.
Yes, powerless, helpless and the two younger siblings are angry and exhausted. I suggested to the two couples who live near her to move in with her. Mom has a large home with 5 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. I was shot down like a skeet shooter, are most of my ideas. I can't even upgrade her toilet to comfort height or place safety rails in the bathroom. This is a very unsafe situation.
I think, until your sister is willing to put Mom in care there is little that you can do. She knows the choices. Continue in caring or stop.The family is killing themselves in enabling this situation by being there for her.
A poster recently told us that being a caregiver can kill you, and told us of her own illness and its costs. This isn't unusual.
I am so very very sorry. You simply cannot change the choices of other people. Constantly fighting her pushes her into her corner. Next time she tells you "I cannot do this anymore" tell her that when she is ready to consider change you will all call the family together to hash out what the options are. You must feel utterly helpless, but trust me, sinking 1,000s of dollars and escalating this situation is unlikely to help.