I think mom needs assisted living, she says she's already got it from me, but I'm so tired. What do I do?

New to the site here and originally posted this under the wrong heading, so....
I'm exhausted. She's 84 - I'm 54 and I feel 200. She lives next door in her own home - her "playhouse" as she calls it -with our help. She's fighting for her independance like a 2 year old...a hurtful 2 year old. Often confused, angry, fluxuating mood swings, lost look in her eyes, revealing conversations with total strangers and won't talk with me, when talking on phone and she's done, she hangs up on you - no good bye - just 'click', will NOT apologize for anything...it's always your fault that you forced her to be rude..., rude and inappropriate comments in public ("lady, you've really got a fat butt..."), waivers between being a waif and a witch. But she says "I'm so happy in my playhouse..see what I've done with the kitchen?" About assisted living, etc --- "no matter what they say, they're just places to stash old folks when you don't want them anymore and the places always smell like pee. Might's well just put me out on the street. I'm not stupid. I've been where you are but you've not been where I am (seething anger here). You don't know what it's like to be old and have your whole life change. You could just drop me off at a hospital and leave and I couldn't do a thing about it. I can't trust anyone anymore." (few tears here) The facts -- whatever she's needed, we've handled to the best of our ability or we've paid someone to handle it. We pay her bills, clean her yard, maintain her home. I work 2 jobs (64-72 hours a week) at 2 local hospitals. My husband, now 58, has been disabled for the past 11 years....lifting logs one day, couldn't pick up paper off the floor the next...spinal stenosis, degenerative arthritis, spinal fusions, constant peripheral neuropathy and will be in a wheelchair within the next 5 years per his neurosurgeon. (yes, I do know what it's like for your life to change...) Dad was dx with alzheimers and paranoid schizophrenia in 2008-presently in nursing home near sister 4 hours away. Dr said he could come home and have outpatient psych care and mom said she didn't want him. With her own mother, she moved her from her home to live near mom, then into an assisted living complex, then into a room in mom's home (none of these were my grandmother's choices), and finally, when granny complained to my uncle that she felt a burden, he said 'come here'. Mom overheard the conversation and said 'she'll be on a plane tomorrow', so granny - against her protests - was loaded up with her wheelchair and walker and flew alone to my aunt and uncle's home 3000 miles away...she was 88 at the time. So --is it Mom or me? Sounds like Mom, but I'm so tired that I could be overreacting and just wanting some peace. This is not entirely new behavior, by the way. She's poured soup from an all-you-can-eat place directly into her purse because it tasted good (25 years ago), demanded a store give her money back for stale cashews she had bought the year before --- the expiration date on the container was even past -- drove over 80 miles twice to finally get back $14 in store credit and was so proud of herself for standing up to the "Big Bosses" (she also held up a line of other customers so she could sort out the things she chose and get literally EVERY penny of her $14 worth without paying anything over)...that was 10 years ago. I think she needs assisted living. She says she's already got it ---me. I'm so tired.